• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every persons position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

Meet Republican Bob (A Public Service Announcement)

Troubadour

Banned
Joined
Oct 12, 2010
Messages
464
Reaction score
181
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Liberal
In the interests of furthering political understanding in our society, I would like to introduce you to Bob. Bob, like many people in his community, is a Republican. If you were to ask Bob what it means to be a Republican, he would tell you that it means supporting the values of hard-work, patriotism, and family. What it means in practice is that he makes his employees work harder for less money so that he can spend more time on the golf course, uses tax cuts passed by his party to outsource jobs to hostile foreign countries, and cheats on his wife with young women he meets at evangelical Bible study.

Bob believes very strongly in maintaining America's borders. He very much wants to end illegal immigration, but only if he can keep his landscapers and housekeepers, because they work so cheaply and know their place. Bob would be very angry if he had to pay minimum wage for such an easy job - after all, it must be easy if Mexicans can do it. He would do it himself if he had the time, but as we've already seen, he is a very busy man.

Bob is most definitely NOT a racist, he simply feels that people who do not look like him ought to stay out of his community and stop interfering in matters they're genetically incapable of understanding - matters like elections. But he is not racist. Not at all. Racism is things like affirmative action, and being sued for discrimination just because you make one or two hundred eency little jokes about watermelon and fried chicken. Bob knows that back in the deeps of time, there were once white people in one little tiny village in Mississippi that were racist and held a few black people captive for a few weeks, but that's ancient history. Bob is not a racist. Nosiree bob.

Bob believes in God. And not just any God - a God who thinks exactly like he does, and answers his prayers by telling him to do exactly what he already wants to do. Bob is always very happy to hear from his pastor and his Party that his opinions are those of God, and whenever he prays, he always feels deep inside that God is telling him he's a good man who will be carried into heaven on a golden litter. Although Bob reads the Bible, he feels deep in his heart that some parts of the Gospels must have been inserted by a liberal conspiracy - the whole "camel passing through the eye of a needle" bit was obviously a left-wing plant - and dutifully disregards them in order to avoid incurring the Lord's wrath.

Bob is strongly against socialism. The definition of socialism, as Bob understands it, is spending public money on anyone but Bob or people Bob likes. As a self-made man, who built up his business 5% above the size it was when he inherited it, Bob sees himself as a role-model for his fellow Americans - a paragon of the American work ethic, and the embodiment of the American dream. But there is one thing in the course of business that always curdles Bob's blood, and makes him red with anger - the five minutes every year when his accountant's assistant brings him a tax statement to sign. He is sure there is something in the Bill of Rights or the Geneva Conventions against the 5% tax rate he pays after deductions.

Bob is not a selfish man, nosiree bob. Sometimes he gives to charity, when he has a fight with his wife and is afraid she'll clean out their bank account, and then justly rewards his own generosity by deducting 6 times as much from his taxes. This is technically illegal, but Bob never did have much patience for lawyers and all their gobbledegook - he prefers sportscasters and Chuck Norris. Still, despite Bob's disdain for the legal profession, he employs the best attorneys in town, so he knows Big Gubmint is unlikely to drag him into court any time soon. Nope, Bob is not a selfish man - not at all. He has been known to fire loyal employees on occasion to fund sex tourism trips to Thailand, but in his heart Bob knows God will forgive him. That one employee who committed suicide because of it was just weak, and society is probably better off without her, and her kids are surely better off, wherever they are now (Bob hasn't found the time to check). Bob's conscience is untroubled.

Bob is a very intelligent, educated man. Unlike some children of privilege, it was his own efforts that got him his college diploma - namely, using his allowance to pay a smarter student to do his work and take his tests for him. Bob is very proud of the initiative he showed in doing this, and feels that it proved he was already too advanced for such pedestrian concepts as academic integrity or self-improvement. Bob's father would have felt differently, but then his father grew up in the era before Ronald Reagan, when values were polluted with a lot of obsolete liberal concepts. Bob is happy to have come of age in an era whose values reflect his own.

Clearly, Bob is not an ignorant or dumb person. He is committed to learning something new every day, or at least as often as he is unable to avoid it. Just the other day, Bob discovered that not everyone who speaks Spanish is from Mexico. Apparently there is a country called Guatemala - something that surely only world travelers and leftist college professors in Latin American Studies would know. Bob naturally resented having this new fact imposed on him when he was so comfortable with his current set of knowledge, but as a highly intelligent, learned person, he tolerated the imposition with his usual grace and dignity.

Bob is not paranoid. Nope, not at all. He is quite rationally concerned that Barack Obama may be planning to introduce melanin-promoting compounds into the public water supply to turn everyone black. Did I already mention that Bob is not racist? Bob is also not violent - he is a very peaceful man. He just wishes that people would stop constantly provoking him by disagreeing with him, refusing to do what he wants when he wants it, and being all the various things that irritate him - black, brown, gay, liberal, smarter than him, etc. He would very much prefer peace and harmony, but everyone keeps forcing him to put them in their place. Bob has a gun, and listening to his favorite talk radio host talking about socialism, he regrets that some day he may be forced to put a lot of people in their place in a very unpleasant way. But Bob is not violent, nosiree bob.

Republican Bob is happy to meet you, and would love to work together with you to make America a better place...yesiree bob. :2no4:
 

cpwill

DP Veteran
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
65,620
Reaction score
33,492
Location
USofA
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Conservative
:roll: strawman much?
 

ecofarm

global liberation
Supporting Member
DP Veteran
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
119,525
Reaction score
34,963
Location
Miami
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
When they put stuff in the water to turn everyone black, will it happen right away or just babies born afterward?
 

cpwill

DP Veteran
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
65,620
Reaction score
33,492
Location
USofA
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Conservative
working off of the Dr Strangelove model, i would suspect it's effect is largely contained within our reproductive systems, so i would have to guess "just babies born afterward"




the funniest thing about this post is that it is projection. compare the ridiculousness of these conspiracy theories (none of which are accepted by the conservative movement) to the widespread acceptance of Fahrenheit 911
 
Last edited:

ecofarm

global liberation
Supporting Member
DP Veteran
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
119,525
Reaction score
34,963
Location
Miami
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Then it doesn't really "turn everyone black". That part is not true.
 

Troubadour

Banned
Joined
Oct 12, 2010
Messages
464
Reaction score
181
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Liberal
:roll: strawman much?

I wish.

When they put stuff in the water to turn everyone black, will it happen right away or just babies born afterward?

Depends on the Fox News schedule.

the funniest thing about this post is that it is projection.

That could be the case if "projection" meant that I describe someone who is nothing like me in any way, shape, or form, but unfortunately the English language does not operate the same as Republican doublespeak.

compare the ridiculousness of these conspiracy theories (none of which are accepted by the conservative movement) [/i]

If they're not accepted by conservatives, why do conservatives promote them? Is it just malicious lying?

to the widespread acceptance of Fahrenheit 911


What specific claims are you referring to?
 

Erod

DP Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
15,357
Reaction score
8,099
Location
North Texas
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Conservative
LOL, good Lord.

Still licking those wounds, I see. Well someone put this guy on suicice watch in 2012.

Complete, utter misunderstanding of conservatism and the Constitution as a whole.

Might I suggest Venezuela as your new home. Sounds like it might be heaven for you.
 

cpwill

DP Veteran
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
65,620
Reaction score
33,492
Location
USofA
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Conservative
:lol: okay.

haven't you picked up on the fact that no one of a liberal persuasion on this board is exactly rushing to your defense or your side?

;) it's because you are almost a parody. i halfway suspect that you are an evil clown impersonating left-wingers in order to make them look bad. :lol:
 
Top Bottom