Just caught my daughter watching boy's and girl's kissing (1 Viewer)

[Hicup]

I am in my office here obviously and she has her iPad and what I thought she was watching was Mario Bros video's, but I go in there to kiss the kids, and she's watching this video on Youtube with a girl dressed in Brittany Spears type school-girl garb, and she's kissing this boy with her leg held up in the air by the boy, pressed against her on the wall. In the background there is another girl watching and touching herself..

She's 5 years old????

I knew something was up when she pulled the iPad close to her chest, covering the screen, and said, "Dad go back into your office".. I was like, Hmmmmmm..

So besides my immediate failure as a parent, one I will recover from, why would she be interested in that kind of video? she's five afterall? Moreover, she knew it was bad, that's why she tried to hide it from me. Boy am I in trouble, she's FIVE and already attempting to deceive...AND--- She interested enough in looking at those images that she felt it was necessary to conceal it from me?

Any advice?


Tim-

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Because sexual curiosity is pretty normal in kids.

Sexual development is a process. The process of understanding it cognitively begins way before puberty, and way before they ever have sexual attraction. So, often times, does masturbation. I read there was even a fetus seen masturbating, very late in pregnancy. Hand-holding, sometimes play-kissing, and other relationship emulations often start pretty young as well. This is just kids acting out romance - it isn't real sexual attraction, and it typically isn't sexual. It's their way of understanding how it works.

It is normal for kids to be curious about sex, sexual anatomy, etc. Even very young kids. But she was probably hiding it because she knew our society doesn't approve of that, despite how normal it is.

Because she is naturally curious, she decided to look it up anyway. And because it is frowned upon, she doesn't feel comfortable simply asking someone to talk to her about it.

I agree that she is probably getting her information from a bad place, and that it is probably not the healthiest type of information for her to get at her age.

Try talking to her about it.

 

[mikhail]

I guess none of us will know the result of this easy access to things like that to children.I wouldnt take it as a mistake on your part though.

 

[CriticalThought]

It isn't uncommon for five year-olds to masturbate and try to see people naked. By comparison, your response seems a little exaggerated to me. Go read some child development books. This is well within the range of normal.

That aside. Don't let your child surf the internet unsupervised.

 

[Hicup]

Because sexual curiosity is pretty normal in kids.

Sexual development is a process. The process of understanding it cognitively begins way before puberty, and way before they ever have sexual attraction. So, often times, does masturbation. I read there was even a fetus seen masturbating, very late in pregnancy.

It is normal for kids to be curious about sex, sexual anatomy, etc. Even very young kids. But she was probably hiding it because she knew our society doesn't approve of that, despite how normal it is.

Because she is naturally curious, she decided to look it up anyway. And because it is frowned upon, she doesn't feel comfortable simply asking someone to talk to her about it.

I agree that she is probably getting her information from a bad place, and that it is probably not the healthiest type of information for her to get at her age.

Try talking to her about it.

I did talk to her. Yes I am aware that children become aware of their feel good spots at an early age, my daughter is no exception. She did not type in boys and girls kissing, she's five, she had to ask me how to spell Mario.. That aside, she somehow wandered into boys and girls kissing in a very sexual explicit manner JUST by being on the internet, and somehow searching for Mario Bros video can now lead to sexually explicit material, material she can't possibly understand is concerneing to me, and now I must monitor her more closely. I love the internet, and what it provides, but a warning to parents, be careful, and check to see what your kids are viewing. Whether she's curious or not matters little to me. I've always thought that my personal life lessons would be taught to my children when they are materially, and intellectually capable of understanding the message. I want, along with my wife, to be able to be the one's that provide those lessons to our children. Their first guidence should come from us, and although I am uniquley aware that they will push those limits, if we've done our jobs correctly, we will have instilled a dicipline that our children will at the very least pause and reflect on the consequences of taking new risks, and direction in life. This pause is all that we can hope for, realistically as parents. That, and that they learn from their experiences.


Tim-

 

[CriticalThought]

I did talk to her. Yes I am aware that children become aware of their feel good spots at an early age, my daughter is no exception. She did not type in boys and girls kissing, she's five, she had to ask me how to spell Mario.. That aside, she somehow wandered into boys and girls kissing in a very sexual explicit manner JUST by being on the internet, and somehow searching for Mario Bros video can now lead to sexually explicit material, material she can't possibly understand is concerneing to me, and now I must monitor her more closely. I love the internet, and what it provides, but a warning to parents, be careful, and check to see what your kids are viewing. Whether she's curious or not matters little to me. I've always thought that my personal life lessons would be taught to my children when they are materially, and intellectually capable of understanding the message. I want, along with my wife, to be able to be the one's that provide those lessons to our children. Their first guidence should come from us, and although I am uniquley aware that they will push those limits, if we've done our jobs correctly, we will have instilled a dicipline that our children will at the very least pause and reflect on the consequences of taking new risks, and direction in life. This pause is all that we can hope for, realistically as parents. That, and that they learn from their experiences.


Tim-

You are so going to hate the teenage years.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Maybe a net nanny? I'm not sure how effective it is on YouTube, but maybe have a look.

I agree that it sounds like an inappropriate thing for a child her age. In addition, you're right that the sexualizing of children in inappropriate ways is real. It sounds like the video was portraying a very young girl (whether she actually was or whether it was her uniform making that impression) as being sexually active/attracted, which is out of step with child development. Child sexuality is more emulation and curiosity than anything.

I guess, if it were me, the important thing to get across would be not to feel pressured to act that way herself, and to say that her curiosity is ok, and doesn't mean that she has to try to "be sexy," or act that way herself. And that if she would like to learn more about the subject matter, more appropriate material can be provided to her, but avoid condemnation.

 

[Temporal]

If you don't want her viewing that content then you should be restricting her internet activities.

I would be more in favour of having a conversation about what it was she was watching. Kids have access to everything these days. We can either spend all our time trying to shut it out or we can have a dialogue about what this imagery means. In other words: give some guidance.

I prefer the mixed approach, personally.

 

[Hicup]

You are so going to hate the teenage years.

I know..


Tim-

 

[Hicup]

Maybe a net nanny? I'm not sure how effective it is on YouTube, but maybe have a look.

I agree that it sounds like an inappropriate thing for a child her age. In addition, you're right that the sexualizing of children in inappropriate ways is real. It sounds like the video was portraying a very young girl (whether she actually was or whether it was her uniform making that impression) as being sexually active/attracted, which is out of step with child development. Child sexuality is more emulation and curiosity than anything.

I guess, if it were me, the important thing to get across would be not to feel pressured to act that way herself, and to say that her curiosity is ok, and doesn't mean that she has to try to "be sexy," or act that way herself. And that if she would like to learn more about the subject matter, more appropriate material can be provided to her, but avoid condemnation.

Exactly, thank you. My wife and I differ on this issue. Believe it or not, I'm ok with the kids touching themselves (I have 4, 3 boys and a girl), and my wife is not. Our compromise is that if they do it, to please do it privately; which isn't all that much to ask. I tell my kids that it's ok to touch yourself in places it feels good. I want them to become more aware of themselves not just intellectually, but also physically. They learn their boundaries that way, and early. They learn what makes them comfortable and what doesn't, and to ward off advances where they are not entirely sure.


Tim-

 

[CriticalThought]

Exactly, thank you. My wife and I differ on this issue. Believe it or not, I'm ok with the kids touching themselves (I have 4, 3 boys and a girl), and my wife is not. Our compromise is that if they do it, to please do it privately; which isn't all that much to ask. I tell my kids that it's ok to touch yourself in places it feels good. I want them to become more aware of themselves not just intellectually, but also physically. They learn their boundaries that way, and early. They learn what makes them comfortable and what doesn't, and to ward off advances where they are not entirely sure.


Tim-

I would "like" this post for the excellent understanding of child sexual development it represents, but I would feel creepy adding a "like" to a post about children exploring themselves sexually.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Exactly, thank you. My wife and I differ on this issue. Believe it or not, I'm ok with the kids touching themselves (I have 4, 3 boys and a girl), and my wife is not. Our compromise is that if they do it, to please do it privately; which isn't all that much to ask. I tell my kids that it's ok to touch yourself in places it feels good. I want them to become more aware of themselves not just intellectually, but also physically. They learn their boundaries that way, and early. They learn what makes them comfortable and what doesn't, and to ward off advances where they are not entirely sure.


Tim-

It's a very good way to establish sexual confidence. Sexual confidence includes general self-confidence, which means they will make better decisions later in life about who they have sex with. That confidence makes it less likely they will have sex due to pressure, or because they want someone to like them, and will instead do it because they feel ready.

Oppression of masturbation tends to result in early sexual shame, and that can turn into poor sexual decisions later on (in addition to general sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction).

My parents did the same thing with me - "Honey, that's something you do in your room." LOL. I STILL remember that. Pretty embarassing to think about 15-20 years later, but hey, that's what they get for having a kid.

And as anecdotal as it may be, I fall in line with the above description thanks to them not oppressing me. I'm one of the only women I know with a largely positive sexual history, including my first sexual experiences. Most of my friends have not been so lucky. I thank my parents for that, internally, on a regular basis.

 

[Simon W. Moon]

I am in my office here obviously and she has her iPad and what I thought she was watching was Mario Bros video's, but I go in there to kiss the kids, and she's watching this video on Youtube with a girl dressed in Brittany Spears type school-girl garb, and she's kissing this boy with her leg held up in the air by the boy, pressed against her on the wall. In the background there is another girl watching and touching herself..
She's 5 years old????
I knew something was up when she pulled the iPad close to her chest, covering the screen, and said, "Dad go back into your office".. I was like, Hmmmmmm..
So besides my immediate failure as a parent, one I will recover from, why would she be interested in that kind of video? she's five afterall? Moreover, she knew it was bad, that's why she tried to hide it from me. Boy am I in trouble, she's FIVE and already attempting to deceive...AND--- She interested enough in looking at those images that she felt it was necessary to conceal it from me?
Any advice?
Tim-

1) Deception from kids that age and younger is a good thing. It's developmental milestone. She has prob'ly been doing it longer than you realize--or at least longer than you have posted about it lol.

2) Part of her interest in the pictures is that you don't want her to see them.

3) Kids are humans and humans are sexual creatures. A child's sexuality is nothing like ours as grown ups. It's not nearly as fascinating for kids as it is for us older folks. It's not the first frame of references for them when it comes to things related to the genitals and related areas and things as it is for us.

4) There's a reason why it's a well-known meme that girls go gaga for guys their Dads don't like. The father forbidding the girl to see a guy turns the guy into catnip.

5) Boring and boredom are your friends. If an activity or an object becomes a source of excitement--never mind that it's not the "fun" kind of excitement--it becomes something that gets lodged in a kid's head.​

I vote that you let it go--don't make a big issue out of it as that will only reinforce the behaviors that don't like. Instead, find other, more interesting things to distract with.

 

[Simon W. Moon]

Once upon a time, I had a huge whitelist of kid friendly sites.
That was before I had any kids.

I wish I had that whitelist now.
That's an easy, very effective way to prevent these sorts of accidents. You just lock down her internet access to the whitelist.

Would anyone be interested in helping compile a list of kid-friendly sites? With several of us working we could prob'ly knock-out a few hundred with out a lot of trouble.
If there's enough interest, we can start a thread for the list and instructions on how to use it.

 

[Singularity]

It's easy to talk to your kid about this kinda stuff.

Kid: "Dad, what are the people in this video doing?"
Dad: "Having sex."
Kid: "When can I have sex?"
Dad: "After i'm dead."

 

[SheWolf]

It isn't uncommon for five year-olds to masturbate and try to see people naked. By comparison, your response seems a little exaggerated to me. Go read some child development books. This is well within the range of normal.

That aside. Don't let your child surf the internet unsupervised.

The youngest I remember being aware of sex and my body was maybe 8.. but I actually could have been younger. I just know when I was 8 I had the ability to realize that I was still a kid but I had interests in things I didn't really understand. I knew I was "too young" and in some ways that caused me to feel like I was a perverted child and wasn't normal.

Kids really do grow up fast... She's five, so she'll probably start puberty in about 2 more years..

I am so happy I don't have kids sometimes, and this is one of them.

 

[SheWolf]

You are so going to hate the teenage years.

I think the teen years would suck to some degree, but they aren't really fun when they are little babies either... lol. I guess the only time they are really fun is when they are 3 to 8....

 

[tessaesque]

It isn't uncommon for five year-olds to masturbate and try to see people naked. By comparison, your response seems a little exaggerated to me. Go read some child development books. This is well within the range of normal.

That aside. Don't let your child surf the internet unsupervised.

Uhm, this isn't exactly accurate. At least not according to the 6 child development textbooks sitting on my bookshelf..

 

[SheWolf]

btw.. I don't even know what Boys and Girls is. I have seen some of the show Degrassi and that's pretty bad and shocking, because it's about teens and it's kind of a cruel show too. I have heard Skins is pretty raunchy too.

 

[Simon W. Moon]

Uhm, this isn't exactly accurate. At least not according to the 6 child development textbooks sitting on my bookshelf..

A quick web search
what age do children start masturbate - Google Search

PPP: Child Growth & Development || Sexual Development || Help children achieve healthy sexual development

2-5 years old
Children may masturbate more between the ages of two and five than later in childhood.​

Masturbation: Your Child: University of Michigan Health System

Is masturbation common?
Yes. It is a common childhood habit. Most children—both boys and girls—play with their genitals (external sex organs or “private parts”) fairly regularly by the age of 5-6 years.​

GH6002 Sexuality and Your Child: For Children Ages 3 to 7 | University of Missouri Extension

Three to four years
For many children, genital touching increases, especially when they are tired or upset.
Five to seven years
Masturbation continues to be common.​

 

[CriticalThought]

Uhm, this isn't exactly accurate. At least not according to the 6 child development textbooks sitting on my bookshelf..

It is according to the child development text books sitting on mine. I'll list mine if you list yours and we will see why they differ so. I mean, I'm only a social worker who has taken God knows how many child development classes so I could learn the difference between typical sexual behavior in children and maladaptive sexual behavior. In fact, I wrote a paper on it for one class when I was working on my Masters. Would you like to see it?

 

[justabubba]

i think you under-estimate her natural curiosity

use this as an opportunity to talk with her about what she was watching
let her tell you of her fascination
her attempt to conceal the screen tells us that she likely anticipated your objections ... but that does not mean she does not still possess a curiosity about what she was viewing

no matter what, do not do those things which will cause her to feel the need NOT to talk with you about anything in the future
the emotional price you will likely have to pay for that willingness to talk is steep ... but trust me on this, it will be worth it

 

[Jerry]

I am in my office here obviously and she has her iPad and what I thought she was watching was Mario Bros video's, but I go in there to kiss the kids, and she's watching this video on Youtube with a girl dressed in Brittany Spears type school-girl garb, and she's kissing this boy with her leg held up in the air by the boy, pressed against her on the wall. In the background there is another girl watching and touching herself..

She's 5 years old????

I knew something was up when she pulled the iPad close to her chest, covering the screen, and said, "Dad go back into your office".. I was like, Hmmmmmm..

So besides my immediate failure as a parent, one I will recover from, why would she be interested in that kind of video? she's five afterall? Moreover, she knew it was bad, that's why she tried to hide it from me. Boy am I in trouble, she's FIVE and already attempting to deceive...AND--- She interested enough in looking at those images that she felt it was necessary to conceal it from me?

Any advice?


Tim-

Who the hell gives their 5 y/o an iPad?

 

[Hicup]

Who the hell gives their 5 y/o an iPad?

My 19 month old boy can navigate an iPad better than some adults.. I am in the technology business, and tech isn't going away anytime soon my friend. What's funny, really funny, is that I didn't even touch a computer until I went to college. I was 26 years old then. Taught myself everything I know.. Well, a lot, not everything exactly. I did have to train and learn to receive my various certifications in several areas, but for the most part I just played trial and error. It's not much different I suppose than a mechanic giving his daughter a wrench and instructing them to go remove that bolt.

The earlier they understand technology the better off, and more equipped they will be for school, and life in general.


Tim-

 

[Harry Guerrilla]

My 19 month old boy can navigate an iPad better than some adults.. I am in the technology business, and tech isn't going away anytime soon my friend. What's funny, really funny, is that I didn't even touch a computer until I went to college. I was 26 years old then. Taught myself everything I know.. Well, a lot, not everything exactly. I did have to train and learn to receive my various certifications in several areas, but for the most part I just played trial and error. It's not much different I suppose than a mechanic giving his daughter a wrench and instructing them to go remove that bolt.

The earlier they understand technology the better off, and more equipped they will be for school, and life in general.


Tim-

I don't have a problem with kids getting involved with tech, it's the replacement costs that get me.