If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a parent?

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

As far as you know.I sure as hell wouldn't offer my feelings up to Master Sergeant Mom from Hell to be crucified with being disowned even as an adult. I'd honor my mother as I ought, but I would hold no special sentiment for her. I guess the result would be that "I" would emotionally disown her.

Nope, my kids were raised to respect only if deserved. That included(s) me. If you saw us all together you'd be quite surprised based on your inaccurate assumption above.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Nah. Just if the condom breaks, eh? :roll:

Seriously. I'm just absolutely speechless. I can't imagine a more heartless and narcissistic, and just plain cruel stance to have. Parents like that are the reason teenage girls try to give themselves abortions in the bathroom. The reason they try to flush newborns down toilets. The reason they go off and have abortions without their parent's knowledge.

I don't know how your kids feel about you, and I'm not even going to speculate. But as far as visiting goes... I visited my great grandmother even though I didn't like her. Didn't have a single pleasant memory of that woman and she was nigh unbearable to be around. I visited her out of a feeling of obligation, and on the sheer hope that perhaps.. just perhaps... my visits actually gave her pleasure even though she never showed it if they did. And even though she never gave me any pleasure being around her. I felt sorry for her, but she did make her own bed. When she died, what I felt was relief... not grief. Sometimes being a beligerant bitch isn't the best way to raise kids. I'm just sayin'...

Condom breaks? Thank goodness for the morning after pill. Been there done that.

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

No, I would not feel like a failure if a daughter of mine were pregnant either before the age of eighteen or before she were properly married. The former is a function of natural biological urges and mechanisms... and the latter is merely a case of "accidents happen".

Now, if any child of mine reached the age of seventeen without being mature enough to make adult decisions about sexual activity and unwanted pregnancy-- whether or not to keep the child, how the child will be supported if kept, and so forth-- then I will feel as if I have failed as a parent.

 

[rivrrat]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Condom breaks? Thank goodness for the morning after pill. Been there done that.

Ahhh... so they have to be pro-choice too, in order not to be disowned. Good thing for them it's still legal, eh?

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Nah. Just if the condom breaks, eh? :roll:

Seriously. I'm just absolutely speechless. I can't imagine a more heartless and narcissistic, and just plain cruel stance to have. Parents like that are the reason teenage girls try to give themselves abortions in the bathroom. The reason they try to flush newborns down toilets. The reason they go off and have abortions without their parent's knowledge.

I don't know how your kids feel about you, and I'm not even going to speculate. But as far as visiting goes... I visited my great grandmother even though I didn't like her. Didn't have a single pleasant memory of that woman and she was nigh unbearable to be around. I visited her out of a feeling of obligation, and on the sheer hope that perhaps.. just perhaps... my visits actually gave her pleasure even though she never showed it if they did. And even though she never gave me any pleasure being around her. I felt sorry for her, but she did make her own bed. When she died, what I felt was relief... not grief. Sometimes being a beligerant bitch isn't the best way to raise kids. I'm just sayin'...

Your imagination is wrong. I understand how and why you would come to that conclusion, but it is wrong nonetheless. As I said, I took it numerous steps better than I was parented, but was I perfect, no. Perhaps the fact that I always admitted that to the kids is one reason we don't have the relationship everyone seems to think we have.

 

[Felicity]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Condom breaks? Thank goodness for the morning after pill. Been there done that.

The panic your kid must have felt...

 

[Captain America]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

You've got a good point, for me it was never an age or number. I told my kids that if they were party to a pregnancy prior to them having a strong sense of satisfation in their lives, their jobs, and themselves; I would disown them. One of mine could probably have a child anytime she wants. BTW I don't "require" them to be married to have a child, not part of my makeup. Anyway, she is out of college, supporting herself since she went to college at 16, no educational debt outstanding, loves her job, mostly loves the company she works for. . . .
My son is still not there, but he and his girlfriend are very careful.

Its my opinion that until you've filled yourself with the knowledge of what a semblence of contentment with yourself and your own abilities, one shouldn't be a parent. Sort of a based on the idea that if the oxygen mask comes down in a plane, help yourself first so you can stay alive to save your child/baby/anyone else.

When my firstborn came about I was a mere 22 years old just trying to make rent and eat a meal now and again. Perhaps, by your standards, I should have aborted the child. But I am forever grateful that I didn't. (And so is my firstborn, I would imagine.)

It was tough at first but we adapted and all is well that ends well. Abortion is a long term solution for a short term problem.

I respect your opinions, and agree on a few points you make. That being said, all due respect, I am glad my parents didn't take your approach and even more grateful that I didn't either.

What works for some could never work for others, I suppose.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Ahhh... so they have to be pro-choice too, in order not to be disowned. Good thing for them it's still legal, eh?

Yes, based on the current definition of pro-life, I would disown my child for becoming a pro-life advocate. AND I would feel like a failure if either of my kids became "pro-life," I would've hoped I had raised them better than that.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

When my firstborn came about I was a mere 22 years old just trying to make rent and eat a meal now and again. Perhaps, by your standards, I should have aborted the child. But I am forever grateful that I didn't. (And so is my firstborn, I would imagine.)

It was tough at first but we adapted and all is well that ends well. Abortion is a long term solution for a short term problem.

I respect your opinions, and agree on a few points you make. That being said, all due respect, I am glad my parents didn't take your approach and even more grateful that I didn't either.

What works for some could never work for others, I suppose.

I understand my qualifications are strict, but I don't push them on others outside my responsibility, only those I was responsible for.

 

[Felicity]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Yes, based on the current definition of pro-life, I would disown my child for becoming a pro-life advocate. AND I would feel like a failure if either of my kids became "pro-life," I would've hoped I had raised them better than that.

:shock: O...M...G....

Hello Stalin--I thought you were dead.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

The panic your kid must have felt...

Panic? why would I feel panic?

 

[Arcana XV]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

There's a difference between being disappointed in something vs. viewing your child or yourself as a failure for a mistake.

A parent that feels that they are a failure becomes a useless parent.

Hardly. It depends on the degree of failure one feels. I wouldn't fee like a "failure" per se, but I certainly would fee like I failed her in some way. But that's just me. I take my role as a parent extremely seriously.

I still don't get what folks would feel they failed *at*, exactly. And why they would feel this way if their kid was pregnant at 17 as opposed to 18. Makes no goddamn sense.

Personally, I would feel like I failed at adequately informing her about the risks one takes when one becomes sexually active. That maybe I didn't use the right words to really make her understand just how much her life would change for ever if she fell pregnant before she's ready to handle it.

However, if the resulting pregnancy happened despite her best efforts to protect herself, then I would not feel like I failed at all. Life happens.

Also, I would like to make it perfectly clear that despite my initial feelings of having somehow failed, I would support her in any decision she would make about the pregnancy. If she wants to keep the baby, I'll be there for her and will be the happiest grandmother ever. If she wants to terminate the pregnancy, I'll be there for her too. If she wants to marry the father, I'll also support it even though the odds of such a marriage lasting are abysmally low.
That's what being a parent is all about. Which is why my jaw dropped as I read this:

You've got a good point, for me it was never an age or number. I told my kids that if they were party to a pregnancy prior to them having a strong sense of satisfation in their lives, their jobs, and themselves; I would disown them. One of mine could probably have a child anytime she wants. BTW I don't "require" them to be married to have a child, not part of my makeup. Anyway, she is out of college, supporting herself since she went to college at 16, no educational debt outstanding, loves her job, mostly loves the company she works for. . . .
My son is still not there, but he and his girlfriend are very careful.

Its my opinion that until you've filled yourself with the knowledge of what a semblence of contentment with yourself and your own abilities, one shouldn't be a parent. Sort of a based on the idea that if the oxygen mask comes down in a plane, help yourself first so you can stay alive to save your child/baby/anyone else.

Wow, girl. That's one hard heart you have there. I don't think I could disown my kid even if she became a serial killer. :shock:

 

[Felicity]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Panic? why would I feel panic?

So you weren't referring to your kid's condom breaking. It was unclear. Still--you know from experience, they do. Your kid would be in a panic knowing the "choice" she has to make is killing her "potential child" or losing her mother. Great.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

:shock: O...M...G....

Hello Stalin--I thought you were dead.

How do you figure that? I'm sorry you don't value parenting to the level that I do, but since I'm not suggesting you (or anyone else) toe my line, I'm not sure how I could ever compete with Stalin. Even my kids don't have to toe my line, just if they don't I won't be a part of their lives. I don't see how that's an issue, if we disagree so substantially, I would think being together would become too uncomfortable for either of us to enjoy the other.

It might be worth noting that I am not wealthy nor does disowning them have any financial connotation. It would simply mean we would no longer socialize as a family or as friends. If I was so evil in my kids eyes, I would think it would be a relief to be rid of me. And some day, I may well get to feel that response, there's no guarantees, so far so good.

 

[Arcana XV]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Well, sort of yes, I guess I do decide. Fortunately for me, I guess, my kids don't feel picked on at all. As they were growing up this type of detailed barrier was put in front of many of their "wants." Occasionally they ignored the barriers and proceeded forward without being ready, they learned both on their own experiences and through seeing each other's experiences as well as some of my experiences, as I am not perfect. Most of those barriers did not have "disownership" attached to them; but to me having a child is so important and has such long and wide repercussions for the child, the parents, the grandparents, the neighborhood, the city, the county, and the country. . . I upped the ante and they know to take this issue very, very, very seriously. There are many things I'd be more forgiving of because they would only effect my kid and myself. Children deserve better than to be born haphazardly or by mistake.

I'm sorry, I just need to know, would you really disown your daughter if she fell pregnant even though she did all she could not to? Sometimes, **** happens. Nothing is that black and white, fer chrissakes.

 

[talloulou]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Yes, based on the current definition of pro-life, I would disown my child for becoming a pro-life advocate. AND I would feel like a failure if either of my kids became "pro-life," I would've hoped I had raised them better than that.

So being pro choice isn't actually about choice at all, in your mind? That doesn't even make sense.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

So you weren't referring to your kid's condom breaking. It was unclear. Still--you know from experience, they do. Your kid would be in a panic knowing the "choice" she has to make is killing her "potential child" or losing her mother. Great.

She wasn't in a panic at all. She just told me about it. I guess she was raised well enough prior to that to recognize that she wasn't ready when it happened. There was absolutely no drama whatsoever.

 

[Captain America]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Yes, based on the current definition of pro-life, I would disown my child for becoming a pro-life advocate. AND I would feel like a failure if either of my kids became "pro-life," I would've hoped I had raised them better than that.

Funny how people see things differently. I could never disown my kids for anything. If I felt the way you do, I am certain I would consider myself a parental failure, regardless of what my kids did or didn't do. But that's just me.

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

So being pro choice isn't actually about choice at all, in your mind? That doesn't even make sense.

Pro-lifers don't consider choice an option, so if she became a pro-lifer she would be voting and touting taking choice away from everyone. Perhaps your definition of a pro-lifer is different than mine.

 

[talloulou]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

I'm sorry, I just need to know, would you really disown your daughter if she fell pregnant even though she did all she could not to? Sometimes, **** happens. Nothing is that black and white, fer chrissakes.

Personally I think she just over stretched when trying to make the larger point of this thread.

Sarah Palin is a failure.

Right? I mean that's the basic point of this thread. It's a passive aggressive attack that Summerwind is hellbent on continuing. She will go all the way to crazy to defend the ultimate point that Palin is a crackerjack parent with no parenting skills.

Why else would someone going by the moniker summerwind embrace the mentality of frigidaire?

 

[Felicity]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Even my kids don't have to toe my line, just if they don't I won't be a part of their lives. .

That's emotional fascism.


And as for money...money is **** when you long for acceptance from a parent.

 

[Captain America]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

I understand my qualifications are strict, but I don't push them on others outside my responsibility, only those I was responsible for.

Fair enough.

Just work your side of the street and keep that ideology away from me and my loved ones and we'll get along fine.

Peace.

C.A.

 

[Arcana XV]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Yes, based on the current definition of pro-life, I would disown my child for becoming a pro-life advocate. AND I would feel like a failure if either of my kids became "pro-life," I would've hoped I had raised them better than that.

Holy ****.

Never mind.


:shock:

 

[Summerwind]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Funny how people see things differently. I could never disown my kids for anything. If I felt the way you do, I am certain I would consider myself a parental failure, regardless of what my kids did or didn't do. But that's just me.

I understand your POV. Many people have it and are shocked and surprised by the great relationships my kids and I have. I am also not advocating my ways to others, they are just my ways, I'm not going to lie about it to protect myself from the heat of others. I suppose the thing is that people hear this aspect and imagine that all topics are handled exactly the same, they aren't, perhaps the day to day stuff was high enough quality to let me "get away" with this particular intolerance.

 

[Felicity]

Re: If you had a 17 yr old daughter get pregnant, would you feel you failed as a pare

Holy ****.

Never mind.


:shock:

That's probably the appropriate response. I second.:2wave: