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How to let a lady down easy.... On Christmas?

EMNofSeattle

EMNofSeattle

No Russian ever called me deplorable
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So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
 
A bird in the hand.........
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

The most respectful thing you can do in a situation like this is to be very honest, very clear and very gentle. Make sure there's no doubt in her mind that you're not interested since it sounds like she's pretty in to you and you don't want to string her along.
 
Josie said:
The most respectful thing you can do in a situation like this is to be very honest, very clear and very gentle. Make sure there's no doubt in her mind that you're not interested since it sounds like she's pretty in to you and you don't want to string her along.
Click to expand...

I get that, I don't wish to string her along further and I've made up my mind I'm not going to, I'm more just trying to think how to word it.
 
Well, just tell her, "since you are my cherished friend, I want to share with you the happy news that I'm falling in love with this lady I met online and I'm flying to California to see her." This will signal to her that you are friend-zoning her and it will appear like you haven't even noticed that she wants more than friendship with you, therefore it gives her a way to save face.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
I get that, I don't wish to string her along further and I've made up my mind I'm not going to, I'm more just trying to think how to word it.
Click to expand...

Just be honest and extremely transparent. Don't pretend like you don't know she's interested in you when it was obvious. Just tell her that you don't feel right going out with her and meeting her parents when you feel a genuine connection with someone else.
 
It sounds like you both have very different expectations and the honorable thing to do is when you realize this, to tell her. Then end contact with her.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

You don't have to directly say you are not in to her. That would be cruel. I would let her know that while meeting her family would be interesting you have other prior commitments and are currently pursuing a romantic relationship elsewhere. Complement her and her qualities but make very clear your pursuit of the other relationship and that your interest in her is purely of a platonic nature.

Short and sweet is best.

Sample:
"Meeting your parents sounds interesting. If I did not have a prior engagement with a romantic interest, I would think meeting your parents would be a great outing with a friend for the holiday. Unfortunately, I have made plans prior to your invitation. The lass is special and I do not wish to disappoint her. I trust you understand?"

Good luck.
 
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...tell her you know a mostly nice guy who loves to practice full body massage and if you can make an appointment for her?
 
danielpalos said:
...tell her you know a mostly nice guy who loves to practice full body massage and if you can make an appointment for her?
Click to expand...

tenor.gif
 
danielpalos said:
...tell her you know a mostly nice guy who loves to practice full body massage and if you can make an appointment for her?
Click to expand...

Well when I need advice for being a degenerate I'll give you a call.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

my assumption is this is a lady you would like to remain friends with since she is a part of your local social circle

then attend the Christmas services with her and be cordial when meeting her parents. if you are able to, without sounding forced, try to share with them how wonderful their daughter is. since she is your friend, hopefully, that will not be a difficult thing to do

unless she broaches the subject about taking your platonic friendship to a different status, you are fine. you still have a good female friend and now her parents will think well of you, too. no need to destroy that good - yet platonic - friendship

continue to be a platonic friend. that doesn't change unless you let it


now, if you have an existing romantic relationship with her you are wanting to cut off because you want to move on to another woman, forget what i posted above. you're on your own. and it may be possible she will be ok with your getting some strange on the side
 
I’ve met the parents of several of my friends.
 
Say "thank you" but "I feel for you as I do a sister and friend, which will never grow beyond friendship."
 
Traveling a great distance to meet someone you only know online is likely a major mistake as you likely have defined her how you want to define her in your mind.
 
Just tell her that you are seeing someone else. That covers it.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

Are you absolutely, positively sure that you want to burn that bridge? What if you just tell her that you haven't decided what you want yet? What if you tell her that you haven't decided on any one woman yet? It seems counterproductive to limit your options. Can you think of a way to leave the door open with the first in case the second falters?
 
SDET said:
Are you absolutely, positively sure that you want to burn that bridge? What if you just tell her that you haven't decided what you want yet? What if you tell her that you haven't decided on any one woman yet? It seems counterproductive to limit your options. Can you think of a way to leave the door open with the first in case the second falters?
Click to expand...

“Hey girl - I really like this other girl but if it doesn’t work out then you’re next in line.” :roll: :2sick1:
 
Josie said:
Just be honest and extremely transparent. Don't pretend like you don't know she's interested in you when it was obvious. Just tell her that you don't feel right going out with her and meeting her parents when you feel a genuine connection with someone else.
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That's good advice, in my opinion, Josie.

It appears to me that the lady is a bit fragile, coffee and a 20-minute convo and she wants him to meet her parents is a massive red flag. She is likely a very nice person and credits to EM for being perceptive and concerned.

The lady is jumping to conclusions and/or trying to force something that isn't there. If that is the case subtle hints won't work. Maybe the "I'd like to meet your parents but I don't want to give them the wrong impression. I'm kinda involved with a lady in California" might work. And to add, I would do it by text or email in an effort to let her save face.

Meeting the parents requests usually made me run away faster than lightening. That crap scares the hell out of most men. There is a place for it but not, not, not, until the relationship is waaaaaaaaay on down the road.

It is EM's problem because he wants to do that right thing but it is not EM's fault.
 
Risky Thicket said:
That's good advice, in my opinion, Josie.

It appears to me that the lady is a bit fragile, coffee and a 20-minute convo and she wants him to meet her parents is a massive red flag. She is likely a very nice person and credits to EM for being perceptive and concerned.

The lady is jumping to conclusions and/or trying to force something that isn't there. If that is the case subtle hints won't work. Maybe the "I'd like to meet your parents but I don't want to give them the wrong impression. I'm kinda involved with a lady in California" might work. And to add, I would do it by text or email in an effort to let her save face.

Meeting the parents requests usually made me run away faster than lightening. That crap scares the hell out of most men. There is a place for it but not, not, not, until the relationship is waaaaaaaaay on down the road.

It is EM's problem because he wants to do that right thing but it is not EM's fault.
Click to expand...

When I was wife hunting 20 years ago, I insisted on meeting the girl's parents and I'm glad I did in spite of the 500 km drive to the middle of nowhere. If she doesn't have a history of respecting her parents, she won't respect you. This chick was out and out ashamed of her parents. They were nice people, friendly and hospitable as the day is long. They happened to be illiterate and live in structure made of sticks and mud. They killed one of their chickens to make sure I had a good breakfast. Her mother told me that before she left Piaui, that daughter was a handful (me deu muito trabalho). I knew at them moment that she wasn't fit for a relationship. After that the sent me nutty emails with thousands of lines of "I hate you!". She went into full nutcase mode. She even scraped up the money to call me in the USA. Meeting her parents saved my ass!
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

Wait, I do stand behind my previous advice up there in this thread, but now re-reading your post, I'm a bit confused. You know lady #1 from going out for coffee once and from talking with her for "a little" but you also say she's been your friend for over a year??? Maybe I'm not reading this correctly or you didn't make clear who is who. I'd expect that friends who have befriended each other for over a year have talked to each other more than "a little."

In any case, my question is, are you sure that what lady #1 wants is romantic? Maybe her parents will attend this Church event and she just thought she'd introduce to them her good friend, but not in the "relationship with a future" mode. I mean, it would be very unusual for someone to romantically want you to meet her parents, after going out for coffee once and talking for "a little." Maybe she *doesn't* feel romantically inclined to you. So if you go in with a big speech about how you're not interested in her that way, you may be the one who might end up with egg on your face. What if she says "don't flatter yourself; I mentioned my parents just because they'll be there too and I wanted to introduce you to them as a friend, not a boyfriend; you're not my boyfriend and I don't think of you this way."

Still another reason to proceed the way I suggested above. Just tell her "you're a good friend so I want to share with you the good news that I'm falling in love with a woman I'll be visiting soon in California." There is no way to be wrong if you proceed this way. And I'd not even tie this up with her suggestion to introduce you to her parents. Say this, and then do go and compliment her parents as a friend, not as a boyfriend. You'll be in the clear.
 
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