How to let a lady down easy.... On Christmas?

[TheGoverness]

silly chics who only know how to play silly trics, say that.

My silly trick is never being anywhere near you.

 

[danielpalos]

My silly trick is never being anywhere near you.

easier than equality, chic?

 

[justabubba]

You aren't interested in her. But you go to church with her and meet her parents? You're stringing her along. She still thinks there's something there when you know there isn't. You need to tell her.

she may think of him as a friend and not a romantic prospect. while he guesses she is interested, nothing tells us that is actually the circumstance
he has committed nothing to this woman and thus, has no obligation to her
it's almost as if you believe this woman does not have the choice to abandon the friendship. she does. and could if she chose to do so. she hasn't thus far
if his guess is wrong, he could be the one embarrassed by expressing to her that there's nothing there - beyond a platonic relationship. that could be all she is seeking
hell, she could be a closet lesbian looking for a beard to parade before her unsuspecting parents
and our resident playboy in training would make the perfect naif

 

[Josie]

she may think of him as a friend and not a romantic prospect. while he guesses she is interested, nothing tells us that is actually the circumstance

A girl isn't going out with a guy, asking him to church and wanting him to meet her parents because she just likes him as a friend.

he has committed nothing to this woman and thus, has no obligation to her

Such a strange comment.

it's almost as if you believe this woman does not have the choice to abandon the friendship. she does. and could if she chose to do so. she hasn't thus far

Another strange comment. I have no idea where you're coming from. I believe the women is interested and thinks he is too. Period.

if his guess is wrong, he could be the one embarrassed by expressing to her that there's nothing there - beyond a platonic relationship. that could be all she is seeking
hell, she could be a closet lesbian looking for a beard to parade before her unsuspecting parents
and our resident playboy in training would make the perfect naif

OR -- the more likely story -- she is interested in him. I don't know why this has to be so complicated. This doesn't need to be a long, drawn out over-thinking process where she's wondering and he's wondering and no one is actually communicating.

 

[justabubba]

A girl isn't going out with a guy, asking him to church and wanting him to meet her parents because she just likes him as a friend.

the guy and the girl attend the same church
maybe she feels sorry for him and wants him to have fellowship with her and her parents
ditto for going out for a coffee with him - ONCE
i am not saying that she has no spark for him. he thinks so. but that may also be a reach and she likes him only as a platonic Christian friend

Such a strange comment.

really: "he has committed nothing to this woman and thus, has no obligation to her"
that was in reply to you belief that he must stop "stringing her along". yet he has made no obligation/commitment to her. therefor, he can not be found to be stringing her along

Another strange comment. I have no idea where you're coming from. I believe the women is interested and thinks he is too. Period.

you found this comment obscure: "it's almost as if you believe this woman does not have the choice to abandon the friendship. she does. and could if she chose to do so. she hasn't thus far"
your posts express that you believe the forum member is stringing the girl along, despite that there has been NO commitment made by him to her or her to him. the guy is not preventing the girl from exercising her free will to end the friendship - if she wants more than the present platonic relationship. she has not chosen to do so. instead, she has chosen to remain in this platonic relationship with him. it was her choosing to do so, yet you accuse him of stringing her along. you have placed the onus on him alone despite her ability to exercise her own free will

OR -- the more likely story -- she is interested in him.

while that is A possibility, it is NOT the ONLY possibility
and i commented about the other possible options

I don't know why this has to be so complicated.

it didn't. it would appear you just want the scenario to be simpler than it may actually be. instead of being in pursuit of a suitor, the girl could be extending Christian kindness to another member of her church; someone she believes to be in need of kindness and nothing more than a platonic friendship

This doesn't need to be a long, drawn out over-thinking process where she's wondering and he's wondering and no one is actually communicating.

the guy came to the forum looking for suggestions to help him be kind to the girl, not wanting to hurt her feelings
the girl has some kind of affection for the guy, yet to be determined whether it is of the platonic or romantic variety
neither wants to hurt or be hurt, it seems. so this is an awkward moment in their relationship, whatever that relationship consists of

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

...tell her you know a mostly nice guy who loves to practice full body massage and if you can make an appointment for her?

Oh great, you've decided to compete with SDET.

 

[Josie]

the guy and the girl attend the same church
maybe she feels sorry for him and wants him to have fellowship with her and her parents
ditto for going out for a coffee with him - ONCE
i am not saying that she has no spark for him. he thinks so. but that may also be a reach and she likes him only as a platonic Christian friend

None of that changes my bottom line --- just be honest and transparent and talk to her about it. Then there's no need for speculation on what exactly everyone is feeling and expecting.

really: "he has committed nothing to this woman and thus, has no obligation to her"
that was in reply to you belief that he must stop "stringing her along". yet he has made no obligation/commitment to her. therefor, he can not be found to be stringing her along

This is how feelings get very hurt between men and women. From the details I've been told, she wants a relationship and since he is saying yes to the things she's asking for, she thinks he also wants a relationship. She's on the string and he needs to cut it off by communicating with her how he really feels. It has nothing to do with "obligation" or "commitment" - it's just being a decent, kind person.

you found this comment obscure: "it's almost as if you believe this woman does not have the choice to abandon the friendship. she does. and could if she chose to do so. she hasn't thus far"
your posts express that you believe the forum member is stringing the girl along, despite that there has been NO commitment made by him to her or her to him. the guy is not preventing the girl from exercising her free will to end the friendship - if she wants more than the present platonic relationship. she has not chosen to do so. instead, she has chosen to remain in this platonic relationship with him. it was her choosing to do so, yet you accuse him of stringing her along. you have placed the onus on him alone despite her ability to exercise her own free will

Why are you even talking about her ending the friendship? This comment is out of left field in the conversation.

while that is A possibility, it is NOT the ONLY possibility
and i commented about the other possible options

It's the most likely scenario. And, as I said before, there's no need for the wild speculations about what she's feeling when he could just ask her and talk to her.

it didn't. it would appear you just want the scenario to be simpler than it may actually be. instead of being in pursuit of a suitor, the girl could be extending Christian kindness to another member of her church; someone she believes to be in need of kindness and nothing more than a platonic friendship

This is most likely very simple. Most relationship questions don't result in some shock factor soap opera moment like you're coming up with. Yes, this could be an exception to the rule, but it's most likely your average situation.

the guy came to the forum looking for suggestions to help him be kind to the girl, not wanting to hurt her feelings
the girl has some kind of affection for the guy, yet to be determined whether it is of the platonic or romantic variety
neither wants to hurt or be hurt, it seems. so this is an awkward moment in their relationship, whatever that relationship consists of

Yes. And feelings are only going to be MORE hurt if honest, transparent, genuine communication isn't there.

 

[vesper]

So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.

You sound like a really nice guy. And evidently the lady thinks so too. The lady and you share the same social circle means there are people in your circle that are hoping something will spark between the two of you. The women are the worst. Trust me on this one. My advice is pray first and then be honest with her and that you cherish her as a friend.

Edit- while you checkout the online relationship you may not care for the real thing once you meet. You may need to prepare yourself for a letdown as well.

 

[nota bene]

You sound like a really nice guy. And evidently the lady thinks so too. The lady and you share the same social circle means there are people in your circle that are hoping something will spark between the two of you. The women are the worst. Trust me on this one. My advice is pray first and then be honest with her and that you cherish her as a friend.

Edit- while you checkout the online relationship you may not care for the real thing once you meet. You may need to prepare yourself for a letdown as well.

It's the lady wanting him to meet her parents that has me so concerned.

 

[vesper]

It's the lady wanting him to meet her parents that has me so concerned.

I don't think there is enough info to be concerned about anything.

 

[danielpalos]

Oh great, you've decided to compete with SDET.

not at all; only if she wants a dp.

 

[OldFatGuy]

So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.

Tell her the truth. Carefully.

 

[joko104]

Wait, I do stand behind my previous advice up there in this thread, but now re-reading your post, I'm a bit confused. You know lady #1 from going out for coffee once and from talking with her for "a little" but you also say she's been your friend for over a year??? Maybe I'm not reading this correctly or you didn't make clear who is who. I'd expect that friends who have befriended each other for over a year have talked to each other more than "a little."

In any case, my question is, are you sure that what lady #1 wants is romantic? Maybe her parents will attend this Church event and she just thought she'd introduce to them her good friend, but not in the "relationship with a future" mode. I mean, it would be very unusual for someone to romantically want you to meet her parents, after going out for coffee once and talking for "a little." Maybe she *doesn't* feel romantically inclined to you. So if you go in with a big speech about how you're not interested in her that way, you may be the one who might end up with egg on your face. What if she says "don't flatter yourself; I mentioned my parents just because they'll be there too and I wanted to introduce you to them as a friend, not a boyfriend; you're not my boyfriend and I don't think of you this way."

Still another reason to proceed the way I suggested above. Just tell her "you're a good friend so I want to share with you the good news that I'm falling in love with a woman I'll be visiting soon in California." There is no way to be wrong if you proceed this way. And I'd not even tie this up with her suggestion to introduce you to her parents. Say this, and then do go and compliment her parents as a friend, not as a boyfriend. You'll be in the clear.

He doesn't need to tell her that he "fell in love" with someone else. He hasn't even met that someone else. Plus that would be an arrogant way of asserting how she feels about him since she hasn't actually declared anything - just asked him to meet her parents. So he could come off as arrogant if he acts like he's breaking up with her, when they aren't even a couple.

He should thank her, but tell her he's met someone, that it isn't that serious or sexual, but he "does not play the field" and only dates one person at a time. In that way, he has not offended her, not declared she is less than someone else, has not burned any bridges, and isn't just assuming she is wants him. He also should say he doesn't feel comfortable talking about someone else, just he won't talk about her to other people because he respects people's privacy. He doesn't need to talk about the other woman or mention the Internet at all. Just a simple statement made sincerely and with a soft smile.

Rather than coming across as an arrogant and hurtful jerk, it makes him seem like a decent, polite and dependable guy. Besides, all that seems the real truth anyway. If he is "in love" with someone he only knows thru the Internet, he's in love with his illusions and hopes more than actual reality.

 

[OldFatGuy]

“Hey girl - I really like this other girl but if it doesn’t work out then you’re next in line.” :roll: :2sick1:

I said something similar to my first wife just before I proposed. The large folding knife that came out of her purse convinced me to propose on the spot. There was no other woman, I was yanking her chain. She accepted I was lying when I gave her the ring. Then she gave me a beating before saying yes. Fortunately for me, she was holding back on the punches and slaps. Not a single bruise.

I wouldn't take that risk with my second wife. I had already learned she doesn't know how to pull a punch.

 

[GreatNews2night]

He doesn't need to tell her that he "fell in love" with someone else. He hasn't even met that someone else. Plus that would be an arrogant way of asserting how she feels about him since she hasn't actually declared anything - just asked him to meet her parents. So he could come off as arrogant if he acts like he's breaking up with her, when they aren't even a couple.

He should thank her, but tell her he's met someone, that it isn't that serious or sexual, but he "does not play the field" and only dates one person at a time. In that way, he has not offended her, not declared she is less than someone else, has not burned any bridges, and isn't just assuming she is wants him. He also should say he doesn't feel comfortable talking about someone else, just he won't talk about her to other people because he respects people's privacy. He doesn't need to talk about the other woman or mention the Internet at all. Just a simple statement made sincerely and with a soft smile.

Rather than coming across as an arrogant and hurtful jerk, it makes him seem like a decent, polite and dependable guy. Besides, all that seems the real truth anyway. If he is "in love" with someone he only knows thru the Internet, he's in love with his illusions and hopes more than actual reality.

I didn't say "I fell in love", I said "I'm falling in love" but yes, that might be too much. But no, if he discloses in a cycle of friends very casually that he is going to California to meet this woman he is very interested in, he is NOT coming out as arrogant or acting like he is breaking up with her. There is no current romantic relationship or commitment between EMN and lady #1 so there is nothing to be broken up. He just wants to be clear to her that he doesn't have a romantic interest in her, and disclosing casually in a setting with many friends (including her) that he is interested in lady #2 does the trick without humiliating her.

He can say, "hey, my friends, I'll be traveling tomorrow to California to meet this woman I've been in touch with. I'm very interested in her. I hope it works out. Wish me luck."

That is absolutely a soft and non-humiliating way to signal to lady #1 that he is just her friend, without the need to go have this serious talk with her that you are recommending.

Anyway, that's what I think. You are of a different opinion, and that's fine. It's up to EMN to see what opinion here agrees best with what he would like to do. He'll be the ultimate judge of this. All that I'm doing is, I'm trying to respond to his request for advice. And so are you. We disagree in the method we're recommending, and that's fine. It's up to him.

 

[GreatNews2night]

the guy came to the forum looking for suggestions to help him be kind to the girl, not wanting to hurt her feelings
the girl has some kind of affection for the guy, yet to be determined whether it is of the platonic or romantic variety
neither wants to hurt or be hurt, it seems. so this is an awkward moment in their relationship, whatever that relationship consists of

Yes, I agree. And the best way to have clarity, in my opinion, is just to casually let out in a circle of friends, in her presence (he already disclosed that they share the same circle of friends), "hey, my friends, I'm about to travel to California to finally meet in person this woman I've been in touch with online. I'm very interested in her. I hope it works out and she fulfills my expectations; one never knows until one meets someone in person. Wish me luck!"

This makes lady #1 know that he isn't romantically interested in her, given that he has his attention focused on lady #2, the Californian. But this doesn't confront lady #1, doesn't risk the mistake of assuming lady #1 wants romance, and gives to lady #1 plenty of opportunity to silently save face and to continue her friendship with him, if she so wishes. If lady #1 is really romantically interested in EMN and feels very disappointed, she may just distance herself from him, or wait and see if something develops between EMN and the Californian (lady #2), and wait for a second opportunity in case it doesn't. In any case, there is no risk of humiliating her, or of assuming too much and humiliating himself.

It is very natural for friends to share this kind of thing: "hey, I met this woman online; I'm now at the point of traveling to meet her; I'm excited but apprehensive; we'll see what happens; wish me luck." This is very natural and by the way it's the truth. I see no downside in proceeding this way. It's very gentle on lady #1.

It even leaves open the possibility that things go wrong with lady #2, he comes back disappointed, and then lady #1 takes upon herself to comfort him, and oops, romance ends up happening. It wouldn't be the first time that friends end up getting romantically involved at a later time.

Is it likely? Probably not. When you "friend zone" someone, rarely it changes later, despite Hollywood interpretations. But it's definitely not unheard of.

EMN, if he choses to proceed like I'm suggesting, would be telling the truth, and being very gentle on lady #1, and taking no risks, with no downsides. Frankly, I think that this advice is the best one issued here. Not because I'm the one issuing it, but simply because it is the most direct and uncomplicated one, and it is truthful.

EMN is about to travel to California to meet lady #2 and has expectations that it might work out. Just disclose this truth to his friends (including her - lady #1 - in the same communication), and problem solved. What happens in the future is up to lady #1, lady #2, and up to EMN himself. But in any case, this action would clear any possible misunderstanding.

 

[GreatNews2night]

I said something similar to my first wife just before I proposed. The large folding knife that came out of her purse convinced me to propose on the spot. There was no other woman, I was yanking her chain. She accepted I was lying when I gave her the ring. Then she gave me a beating before saying yes. Fortunately for me, she was holding back on the punches and slaps. Not a single bruise.

I wouldn't take that risk with my second wife. I had already learned she doesn't know how to pull a punch.

Is one of your wives, first or second, named Lorena Bobbitt?

 

[OldFatGuy]

Is one of your wives, first or second, named Lorena Bobbitt?

Didn't Lorena use a scissor?

I made the mistake of buying that Buck knife for self protection for my first wife when we were dating. There were a number of occasions when she pulled it from a purse or back pocket when I ticked her off. Fortunately she never unfolded it. My oldest daughter now carries it. Nice knife.

My current wife boxed during her college years. About a year ago she decked one of my nephews who was behaving a bit rudely towards his girlfriend. His girlfriend didn't need help. She's a phys ed teacher, also teaches martial arts to high school students. He weighs in at 180 or so at 5'10", sits behind a desk all day, a weekend warrior at the gym. My wife is 5'3" at maybe 110. His girlfriend is now his fiancé. Tempestuous women are scary. I've learned my limits.

 

[GreatNews2night]

Didn't Lorena use a scissor?

I made the mistake of buying that Buck knife for self protection for my first wife when we were dating. There were a number of occasions when she pulled it from a purse or back pocket when I ticked her off. Fortunately she never unfolded it. My oldest daughter now carries it. Nice knife.

My current wife boxed during her college years. About a year ago she decked one of my nephews who was behaving a bit rudely towards his girlfriend. His girlfriend didn't need help. She's a phys ed teacher, also teaches martial arts to high school students. He weighs in at 180 or so at 5'10", sits behind a desk all day, a weekend warrior at the gym. My wife is 5'3" at maybe 110. His girlfriend is now his fiancé. Tempestuous women are scary. I've learned my limits.

Whoa, so, these are real stories, not just humor? Wow! By the way, Lorena Bobbitt used a knife.

 

[OldFatGuy]

Whoa, so, these are real stories, not just humor? Wow! By the way, Lorena Bobbitt used a knife.

Both real and humorous. Between us, no real violence, just humorous threats, often leading to bedroom activities. I feel privileged to have enjoyed the love from two strong women. Both my second wife and I were widowed, too young. Grandchildren brought us together after two or our widowed children married. The fates spinning their webs.

The Bobbitt melodrama is a distant memory, an inspiration for some women. Fortunately not those I've shared life with.

 

[Robertinfremont]

I'm just saying, you're disclosing too much personal information, saying the name of your ex-girlfriend, her age, your age, her country of origin, her profession, the fact that she was a former prostitute and has kinky sexual mores, and if your avatar is your real house and your real picture, even worse. Beware, the Internet is full of trolls; this is just friendly advice: don't reveal too much about yourself and about her; keep it anonymous. See, if she is married now, she wouldn't want to be identified and ousted as a former prostitute. If you reveal too much in a public forum, you may bump into readers who know you and her in real life. Actually in a situation like that, if you give away identifying information and say she is a former prostitute and she is ousted by a common acquaintance, she'd even be entitled to suing you and/or pressing criminal charges.

No, not my real house. Frankly I do not think you are worried, I believe you are attacking. The name is very common. I did not disclose enough to claim you know who she is. You do not know if I gave her true name. You do not know if it is the last name. In short you are attacking.

I have not kept this going other than you persist in discussing this to make it more known. (final post on this issue)

 

[Robertinfremont]

Didn't Lorena use a scissor?

I made the mistake of buying that Buck knife for self protection for my first wife when we were dating. There were a number of occasions when she pulled it from a purse or back pocket when I ticked her off. Fortunately she never unfolded it. My oldest daughter now carries it. Nice knife.

My current wife boxed during her college years. About a year ago she decked one of my nephews who was behaving a bit rudely towards his girlfriend. His girlfriend didn't need help. She's a phys ed teacher, also teaches martial arts to high school students. He weighs in at 180 or so at 5'10", sits behind a desk all day, a weekend warrior at the gym. My wife is 5'3" at maybe 110. His girlfriend is now his fiancé. Tempestuous women are scary. I've learned my limits.

I too have a wonderful Buck Knife. I purchased it as a gift to my father. He passed away so I decided to get it back from the estate. I was also the executor.

 

[OldFatGuy]

I too have a wonderful Buck Knife. I purchased it as a gift to my father. He passed away so I decided to get it back from the estate. I was also the executor.

Nothing wrong with that. There are better knives, but a Buck is always a quality blade. And they last for generations. My older son has my grandfather's, my younger son has my father's. Some scratches and nicks, but most serviceable and they both keep an edge.

 

[GreatNews2night]

No, not my real house. Frankly I do not think you are worried, I believe you are attacking. The name is very common. I did not disclose enough to claim you know who she is. You do not know if I gave her true name. You do not know if it is the last name. In short you are attacking.

I have not kept this going other than you persist in discussing this to make it more known. (final post on this issue)

Here is what you said:

This reminds me of Irema. She was born in Brazil and there she was something special. She was working as a Stewardess for an airline and she met and fell in love with her pastor husband. He brought his bride to CA. I met her in a school setting. She seemed to be attracted to me. She was also a Widow.

Anyway, we dated and she had some strange quirks. I later learned as she dated me, she was also a prostitute. When I learned that, I confronted her and dumped her. I checked her records today and she got married and is now 85. She is 4 years my senior. When we dated I was in my 50s.

Hm, let's see.

I happen to have a very close relationship with Brazil and I speak fluent Portuguese. No, Irema is not AT ALL a common name there. Not even close. It is a very unusual, very unique name, and no, it is not a last name. Irene is a common name there (not enormously). Irema is NOT.

So, you disclose:

1.The woman's first name (a very uncommon one).
2.The fact that she was a stewardess for an airline.
3.The fact that her first husband was a pastor.
4.The fact that she was born in Brazil.
5. The fact that she immigrated from Brazil to California at the pastor's invitation.
6.The fact that he died and she became a widower.
7. 8. 9.10. The fact that you met her in school (and in another post you disclosed your first name, and the fact that your avatar is a real picture of you, snapped by her of all people!).
11.The fact that you dated her in your 50's.
12.The fact that you later dumped her.
13.The fact that she remarried.
14.The fact that now she is precisely 85 years old.

No, I never claimed that *I* know her. I just said that if anybody who reads this very popular public forum happens to know her (and even more clearly, if the person knows you too since you were obviously in the same circle), will IMMEDIATELY identify her from the 14 precise pieces of information you disclosed about her (most about her, a few about you, which even adds to it if a reader knows you both). And then, if this person identifies her (how many Iremas who are now precisely 85 years old were stewardesses who were born in Brazil and who immigrated from Brazil to California to marry a pastor then he died then you met her in school then she became your girlfriend in your fifties then you dumped her then she remarried), the person will know that she was a prostitute, which I'm sure both her and her current husband wouldn't appreciate the fact that you posted this information for the world to see. What if a daughter or son of hers reads this?

Get it?

No, I wasn't being facetious. I was genuinely concerned. I tried to say to you in a number of occasions that you shouldn't disclose too much information about you, or about someone else, especially if the information is detrimental (who wants to be publicly ousted as a prostitute???). One, maybe this will get to this woman's knowledge and she'll sue, or two, some crook will get this and simulate being her or her husband and threaten to sue you to try to blackmail you or extort you, who knows? The Internet can be a dangerous place.

Then, YOU made of this a fight... accused me of trying to attack you or to get you in trouble, when I was just dispensing sensible advice. Oh well, maybe I should have done it by PM. This is true. I regret this part. But I find it rich that you berate me for dispensing this advice publicly, when YOU had no qualms in disclosing 14 pieces of personal information about this woman, publicly.

Anyway, sure, it's the last I'll say about this, too. I didn't go back to this thread spontaneously. You brought me here by quoting me, which goes to my notifications, so I clicked on it. I mean, you won't take my advice, and you'll make of this a huge fight. Whatever. It's your risk, not mine, so, over and out.

 

[tosca1]

Well, just tell her, "since you are my cherished friend, I want to share with you the happy news that I'm falling in love with this lady I met online and I'm flying to California to see her." This will signal to her that you are friend-zoning her and it will appear like you haven't even noticed that she wants more than friendship with you, therefore it gives her a way to save face.

Yes! I like that. At the same time it affords her to save face knowing that you thought her overtures were simply as being friendly.