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How long can I go before I break!

Chelsea

Banned
Joined
Sep 20, 2012
Messages
420
Reaction score
129
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Slightly Liberal
My husband and I lost our jobs in July and August, back to back. We only made $8.75 and $9/hr, so we have no savings. Weve been applying for jobs and waiting on TANF for 2.months now. I'm getting so stressed over where the rent and bills are coming from I'm having little panic attacks where I have to make myself catch my breath, I break down sobbing thinking abou Halloween and Christmas. My kids won't have presents and I'm praying to get them halloween oufits this year. I haven't slept in two nights and I've dropped 10 lbs. I can't pay attention to my kids or my husband I'm just spaced trying to think straight and I'm back on my drug of choice for some stress relief. IOW Ive ****ing lost it. If my kids have to komove one more time, or go without one more ****ing time because I dont have a family and there are no jobs to be found I'm just going to lose all 2.2 grams of sanity I have left in me.

Why do I always have to be the strong one? Always.My dad runs off, my moms passed out drunk each.night, I have to care for my younger siblings, Thrown into foster care where I'm beaten and raped and everyone acts like nothing happened, now here I am married and having to be the sole problem solver, the one to sit here and deal with it all... I'm only one person and I just can't do it all.
 
My husband and I lost our jobs in July and August, back to back. We only made $8.75 and $9/hr, so we have no savings. Weve been applying for jobs and waiting on TANF for 2.months now. I'm getting so stressed over where the rent and bills are coming from I'm having little panic attacks where I have to make myself catch my breath, I break down sobbing thinking abou Halloween and Christmas. My kids won't have presents and I'm praying to get them halloween oufits this year. I haven't slept in two nights and I've dropped 10 lbs. I can't pay attention to my kids or my husband I'm just spaced trying to think straight and I'm back on my drug of choice for some stress relief. IOW Ive ****ing lost it. If my kids have to komove one more time, or go without one more ****ing time because I dont have a family and there are no jobs to be found I'm just going to lose all 2.2 grams of sanity I have left in me.

Why do I always have to be the strong one? Always.My dad runs off, my moms passed out drunk each.night, I have to care for my younger siblings, Thrown into foster care where I'm beaten and raped and everyone acts like nothing happened, now here I am married and having to be the sole problem solver, the one to sit here and deal with it all... I'm only one person and I just can't do it all.

Christ in heaven, Chelsea. I am so damned sorry this has happened to you. I hope in some way it's helped you to do a tiny bit of venting on DP.

I don't know enough about TANF to say much about that . . . but I can't imagine WHY it would take that long. I mean the whole PURPOSE of TANF is to help people in the exact predicament you're in. So. Where the HELL are they? (Aren't I helpful.)

All I can really do is share any lame thoughts I have about what you might do. I hope you won't take offense if you've thought of them all before. Or that I can't offer more.


  • Have you checked with your local church and let them know of your predicament? Asked for their help for Halloween & Christmas?
  • Have you called your congressman to ask for his assistance in cutting through the red tape?
  • Have you checked your resale shops for costumes? Good Will?
  • Here's 22 ideas for easy (supposedly!) home-made costumes...this might even be fun and take your mind off your troubles...and the kids would enjoy helping, I'll bet. http://www.parents.com/holiday/halloween/costumes/halloween-costumes-made-by-moms/?rb=Y#page=22
  • As for jobs. Have you applied for waitress-type jobs? If you don't have any experience, you could offer to train for 2 days for nothing. Same for your husband, of course. Maybe that'd get you in the door. I once got an excellent job offer after having donated my time for a day.
  • Have you tried offering babysitting on Craig's List?
  • Has your husband tried Craig's List for whatever is his bliss? Handyman; fall clean-up; odd jobs; painting; WHATEVER.
  • If you live in a town that has taxi cabs, your husband could probably get a job in a heartbeat. It'll be a crappy job I can just about guarantee; but whatever money he earns may make a difference -- and will probably be tax-free.
  • If you were laid off and not a member of a union, go back to your company and ask them if you can come back.
  • Same for hubby.

I'm sure others will have more and better ideas; but these are just off the top of my head. I am so sorry and really wish I had more to suggest. You can rest assured I'll be thinking of you for quite a while, and if I think of anything else? I'll post up my ideas. Maybe something will ring a bell.

Oh, I hope you're bugging TANF appropriately. There's something wrong when it takes months to get assistance. For God's sake; many people would be homeless in that length of time. As I said, I'm not familiar with any of that, but are you sure you've applied for every possible assistance you might get? I assume you're both getting unemployment; and don't know how food stamps go together with TANF; or if there are other programs other than TANF, too. Have you contacted your social services program? (Please don't be offended; you've probably done all of this....but just in case.)

As for Christmas? One thing at a time, Chelsea. You can make some pretty awesome gifts out of nothing. Search the web. Your kids will cherish the memories of a happy mom and dad making stupid home-made thingies more than any gifts you could go out and buy.

*Hugs*
 
We live in Las Vegas where there is no help. Everyone is run dry. Churches, shelters have ridiculous waiting lists, and Social Services ha no immediate help. My appointment with them is on thw 9th to get possibly half our rent. And we don't get unemployment. I wasnt scheduled enough hours in the 6 months I was there and my husband transfered his job to another store (chuck e cheese) and got fired 3 months into it. Now unemployment wants to pull the bull**** of asking why he "quit" the other store when he just transfered across town. TANF is taking a hella long time because we had to prove a million and one things (who we are, our financial situation, that we have no family help blah blah blah) fill out ten job applications with photocopied proof or a print screen of our completed applications, wait two weeks for responses from those jobs, go to a class, and now we have to go to our oersonal responsibility program meeting on the 26th where they will tell ua we have to collectively complete 70 hours of the same job search applications we did in the first place to stay on TANF. You know without a computer or a printer to prove our searches and the library giving you an hour a day on the computers. Plus you can't apply to walmart on main and then walmart on broad. They all have to be different businesses. Like how does that make sense. And another thing thats weird is if we get a job but only get a.collective 60 hours a week, we still have to go apply for jobs another 10 hours that week. Basically we will be putting in about 70-100 applications a week dragging around 3 kids to libraries and internet cafes because you cant walk in and apply anywhere anymore. Its just a mess. And every step takes a month to get through. Like from proving our financial status to the class was 1 month now we have our 3rd and final appointment on the 26th of this month and we get our $513 that we applied for back in mid August. Hurray! nd we get $779 in foodstamos right now but it goes down with the TANF payments. So we will get like $600 or so once we get the cash assistance we are working 70 hours a week for.
 
My husband and I lost our jobs in July and August, back to back. We only made $8.75 and $9/hr, so we have no savings. Weve been applying for jobs and waiting on TANF for 2.months now. I'm getting so stressed over where the rent and bills are coming from I'm having little panic attacks where I have to make myself catch my breath, I break down sobbing thinking abou Halloween and Christmas. My kids won't have presents and I'm praying to get them halloween oufits this year. I haven't slept in two nights and I've dropped 10 lbs. I can't pay attention to my kids or my husband I'm just spaced trying to think straight and I'm back on my drug of choice for some stress relief. IOW Ive ****ing lost it. If my kids have to komove one more time, or go without one more ****ing time because I dont have a family and there are no jobs to be found I'm just going to lose all 2.2 grams of sanity I have left in me.

Why do I always have to be the strong one? Always.My dad runs off, my moms passed out drunk each.night, I have to care for my younger siblings, Thrown into foster care where I'm beaten and raped and everyone acts like nothing happened, now here I am married and having to be the sole problem solver, the one to sit here and deal with it all... I'm only one person and I just can't do it all.

So...exactly what IS your husband doing to help solve your problems, anyway?
 
#1 Whatever your "drug of choice" is it won't help.

#2 When applying for a job, if they ask about drug use and you haven't been busted then lie your ass off. Honesty won't help in that situation. If you have been busted then go the food service route because those jobs are less likely to check.

#3 If your mother is passed out drunk then cover her with a blanket and go about your business. Her issues are her issues and you need to get your own **** straight first.

#4 There are jobs out there for you but you're going to have to mask a whole lot of **** to hang onto one. Don't talk to coworkers or employers about your problems because it's more likely to hurt than it is to help.

#5 I'm a big fan of using church as a resource. You're more likely to find good support there than you will at any of the social services or AA or Alanon or whatever. That doesn't mean that those other places are a bad idea but you need some kind of grounding first.

#6 What Maggie said about gifts and costumes is spot on especially if the kids are still small. Home made paper mache masks can be fun and work every bit as good as store bought.
 
Sounds like you had a lot of **** to solve before having kids.
 
Nothing he xan do. he has a bench warrant for unpaid traffic tickets thag w cant pay b,cause we lost our jobs. hes the babysitter for now.
 
Nothing he xan do. he has a bench warrant for unpaid traffic tickets thag w cant pay b,cause we lost our jobs. hes the babysitter for now.

At what you claimed to be being paid you guys shouldn't even be able to afford a car much les the gas or the insurance.
 
My husband and I lost our jobs in July and August, back to back. We only made $8.75 and $9/hr, so we have no savings. Weve been applying for jobs and waiting on TANF for 2.months now. I'm getting so stressed over where the rent and bills are coming from I'm having little panic attacks where I have to make myself catch my breath, I break down sobbing thinking abou Halloween and Christmas. My kids won't have presents and I'm praying to get them halloween oufits this year. I haven't slept in two nights and I've dropped 10 lbs. I can't pay attention to my kids or my husband I'm just spaced trying to think straight and I'm back on my drug of choice for some stress relief. IOW Ive ****ing lost it. If my kids have to komove one more time, or go without one more ****ing time because I dont have a family and there are no jobs to be found I'm just going to lose all 2.2 grams of sanity I have left in me.

Why do I always have to be the strong one? Always.My dad runs off, my moms passed out drunk each.night, I have to care for my younger siblings, Thrown into foster care where I'm beaten and raped and everyone acts like nothing happened, now here I am married and having to be the sole problem solver, the one to sit here and deal with it all... I'm only one person and I just can't do it all.

Trust me, your kids care a lot more about you and your husband than they for gifts for themselves. Keep that perspective in mind.

Don't worry about the effect on your kids if you have to move to some place with jobs. Your kids will deal with it, and they can use the internet to keep up with any friends they may have formed already. So if you need to move to provide for them, then move.

In fact, you may want to search for states that are hiring. Right now we're in an uneven economic recovery, so different areas are recovering faster than other areas. So look at what states, or areas of states, are having that faster recovery and see if you and your husbands can line up jobs there.

I just found this page from eHow.com on how to apply for government benefits you may be eligible for. This way you can research the benefits that you may be able to get and apply to them.

How to Apply Online for Government Benefits | eHow.com

If I were in your shoes, I would also try to get grants to go to some kind of technical school. That way, you, your husband, or both will be better able to qualify for employment.

You may even want to consider getting a student loan to pay for your schooling. After all, the unemployment rate among college graduates is only 4%. And your field of study doesn't necessarily have to be high paying - just make sure it's in high demand. That way you'll know you'll stay hired.

Stop worrying about your parents. They are at an age where they should be able to take care of themselves, and they certainly are old enough to where they can make their own decisions. Instead, you need to focus on yourself, your husband, and your children, since your children are not at such an age. So let your parents go and focus on your husband and kids.

Contact the office of your representatives in government. That includes federal, state, and local levels. They may be able to help you, especially since that's their job and they'd certainly want your vote.

I did a google search for finding local charities. The following is a website to something called the Local Independent Charities of America. You can do a search for local charities in your state, go to the websites of local charities in your area, and get information on some local charities that may be able to help you and your family.

Local Independent Charities of America
 
Lol I guess rants can sometimes mix together. My mom and the other stuff was from when I was a teenager. Its was.just going along with why I'm always supposed to.be so strong and independent. I wish something would just work out for once you know? I haven't done drugs since before I was pregnant with my son. And it was meth if you must know. And no convictions, never got caught, it was just something I did with friends when I would run away.from my avusive foster homes. Yeah I reread that and it came off really bad lol.
 
We live in Las Vegas where there is no help. Everyone is run dry. Churches, shelters have ridiculous waiting lists, and Social Services ha no immediate help. My appointment with them is on thw 9th to get possibly half our rent. And we don't get unemployment. I wasnt scheduled enough hours in the 6 months I was there and my husband transfered his job to another store (chuck e cheese) and got fired 3 months into it. Now unemployment wants to pull the bull**** of asking why he "quit" the other store when he just transfered across town. TANF is taking a hella long time because we had to prove a million and one things (who we are, our financial situation, that we have no family help blah blah blah) fill out ten job applications with photocopied proof or a print screen of our completed applications, wait two weeks for responses from those jobs, go to a class, and now we have to go to our oersonal responsibility program meeting on the 26th where they will tell ua we have to collectively complete 70 hours of the same job search applications we did in the first place to stay on TANF. You know without a computer or a printer to prove our searches and the library giving you an hour a day on the computers. Plus you can't apply to walmart on main and then walmart on broad. They all have to be different businesses. Like how does that make sense. And another thing thats weird is if we get a job but only get a.collective 60 hours a week, we still have to go apply for jobs another 10 hours that week. Basically we will be putting in about 70-100 applications a week dragging around 3 kids to libraries and internet cafes because you cant walk in and apply anywhere anymore. Its just a mess. And every step takes a month to get through. Like from proving our financial status to the class was 1 month now we have our 3rd and final appointment on the 26th of this month and we get our $513 that we applied for back in mid August. Hurray! nd we get $779 in foodstamos right now but it goes down with the TANF payments. So we will get like $600 or so once we get the cash assistance we are working 70 hours a week for.

Nevada is one of those suffering the most from uneven economic recovery. So it's probably best to get out of there if you can and to a state that's recovering better.

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of job skills do you and your husband have?
 
Ok to Megan- Nevada has some difeerent regulations than other states. To babysit if you're posting or respondng online you have to have a $100 sheriffs card, for helping people move you would actually have to have a business license, and everything is just stupid red taoe regulation and you woukld get a nice fine if.it were a.sting (which they do frequently) and you don't have your cards.


For whoever says Im a troll and we shouldn't have.been abee to afford a car/insurance blah blah blah... We got $9300 back in taxes this year bought a car from my inlaws and paid the insurance up 6 months at $500 something odd dollars, the car was $1000, we paid our rent up for 4 months so nearly 4 grand there and worked our little 9-5 saving what could be saved.
 
I'm glad you asked job skills since it goes along with the guy asking why I don't go get a technical degree. I have 2. degrees. One in Medical Assisting, one in Pharmacy Technician, both graduated with a 4.0 and I have proof :). My husband and I both speak fluent Spanish and Ive been picking up Arabic although its very light, select conversational at this point. I'm also quite proficient in ASL. I type 80wpm last time I checked and have experience in Word Excel Powerpoint, Medisoft, and a few other.medical programs. I also have alot of gas station/cashiering experience (3 years). My husband is a little less impressive. He speaks Spanish and English, finished 11th grade and held a job at Chuck E Cheese for 5.years.
 
I'm glad you asked job skills since it goes along with the guy asking why I don't go get a technical degree. I have 2. degrees. One in Medical Assisting, one in Pharmacy Technician, both graduated with a 4.0 and I have proof :). My husband and I both speak fluent Spanish and Ive been picking up Arabic although its very light, select conversational at this point. I'm also quite proficient in ASL. I type 80wpm last time I checked and have experience in Word Excel Powerpoint, Medisoft, and a few other.medical programs. I also have alot of gas station/cashiering experience (3 years). My husband is a little less impressive. He speaks Spanish and English, finished 11th grade and held a job at Chuck E Cheese for 5.years.

Well it sounds like you could get a job somewhere with your skills. You may need to look out of state for a job with the qualifications you have.

I'd suggest doing a google search of states having a greater economic recovery, and see how much of a demand there is for someone of your qualifications in other places.
 
I'm glad you asked job skills since it goes along with the guy asking why I don't go get a technical degree. I have 2. degrees. One in Medical Assisting, one in Pharmacy Technician, both graduated with a 4.0 and I have proof :). My husband and I both speak fluent Spanish and Ive been picking up Arabic although its very light, select conversational at this point. I'm also quite proficient in ASL. I type 80wpm last time I checked and have experience in Word Excel Powerpoint, Medisoft, and a few other.medical programs. I also have alot of gas station/cashiering experience (3 years). My husband is a little less impressive. He speaks Spanish and English, finished 11th grade and held a job at Chuck E Cheese for 5.years.

With those skills you shouldn't be having the trouble you seem to be having finding a job.

Check with accounting offices. Most accountants will start staffing for tax season about now and most need people who can assemble returns, handle mailing and maybe do some basic data entry. It's not brain surgery but it's a paycheck and it should be a position that affords some flexibility for your family situation.
 
I would love to move but can't for several reasons. First and.most obvious.is a lack of funds to do so and TANF takes our tax returns (maybe not all im unsure) making it harder to save up that kibd of cash. The kids are 1,3, and 5. So thats not an easy trip with a car thats breaking down to top it off. Then if its a cold state my son and I can't go there. We tried Ohio once and he ended up having asthma problems, which turned into RSV, and in and ou of the hospital all winter. And I got pneumonia and a bad case of Bronchitis/bronchialitis. If it wasn't something serious and hospital worthy we would just have colds or the Swiene flu was fun one. So not to make excuses but its 80 out here for the high and only in the low 70s as a low and my poor baby is already sick. Has been since in dropped below 80. I was thinking Texas. Another thing is we have no traveling medical insurance for the kids. My daughter has a heart murmur and she has to be bble to have her doctor visits for it and.routine trips for antibiotics etc
 
So sorry to hear this, Chelsea. I tend to agree with Maggie. Look for some temporary jobs you can do without having to go through the initial hiring, interviewing, waiting period process. You need to bringing in money now, however you can. Babysitting, mowing, house-keeping for individuals, and other little jobs you can do for cash will help you in the immediate term. As for halloween and Christmas, don't sweat it, and if you insist on doing halloween, go to resale and goodwill-type stores. Your kids don't need holiday celebrations as much as they need functional parents. Priorities, Chelsea. Priorities. Your kids won't look back and remember that they didn't get the costume they wanted or the Christmas presents they wished for. They will look back and remember you and your husband more than anything else.
Food, shelter, clothing. Means of acquiring food, shelter, and clothing. Do you have food kitchens or religious organizations you can go to for help? What does your husband do to help in all this? If he's not pulling his share, then you are taking on more of a burden than is really called for (imo).
With the weight loss and lack of sleep, it sounds like something that would concern me greatly. You are stressed beyond the point of being able to cope effectively. Do you have friends in your area who can help you out?
 
I never thought of tax season being a good opoortunity but thats not a bad idea especially wirh all the latno tax services around here. Ignore my smartphone with little buttons spelling.
 
W have foodstamps now its just the TANF to help wirh rent thats taking a while. And he cant work until I do eecaus he aas bench warrant for unpaid traffic tickets.
 
W have foodstamps now its just the TANF to help wirh rent thats taking a while. And he cant work until I do eecaus he aas bench warrant for unpaid traffic tickets.

Why can't he work until you do? I don't understand how traffic tickets keep one from working, unless you are trying to get a job which requires driving and delivery.
 
His license is suspended and he has a bench warrant for his arrest because of te tickets. Until we aahave a free $85 to remove the bench warrant he can't get hired. Unless his company o" boss would forward him the $85.to remove the warrant and he coukld do his $100 payment plan a month again.
 
Why not go to work as a nurse's aid in a nursing home? It's a crappy job, but there is essentially always a demand.
 
Sadly I have applied for.this .positions. Everywhere in Las Vegas and even in boulder City. The resteraunt industry where they always.need waitresses... nada and McDonalds or Fast.food... zippo. Ive tried the jobs in my field and jobs as a generak cleaner. As you said anything. I remember McDonalds near the Stratosphere was hiring last year with open interviews and 500 people showed up to fill like 6.or 7 spots. It was all over the.news.
 
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