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I am curious to see what the various techniques are.
My wife and I tend to do it this way.
1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan
We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
i've been married 32 years and when we fight, we just fight. and i win, eventually. ;-)
Well, and this might be why I'm still single, but exactly as I debate here.
I try to remain calm, and cool no matter how emotional or upset she gets, which tends to make the problem worse. I laugh at any attempts to illicit an emotional response, like an insult, as if it were childish. Then I usually end with "You're obviously not hearing me, this is a trivial matter, if you really want to be upset then fine, but I don't so I'm going to see the guys and have a good time. Let me know how your night turns out..."
I am curious to see what the various techniques are.
My wife and I tend to do it this way.
1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan
We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
Good for you. Especially the part about, "We both tend to win about half the time."
Tom and I aren't married; have been together eleven years. We don't mingle our money. We hardly ever argue, but when we do, Tom subscribes to the negotiating tactic of: Happy wife/Happy life. I'm blessed. ;-)
I wonder if this might have something to do with the fact I don't have to do any maintenance on my marriage. I think our style keeps things from building up.
maybe.....but how do you not disagree?
Well, and this might be why I'm still single, but exactly as I debate here.
I try to remain calm, and cool no matter how emotional or upset she gets, which tends to make the problem worse. I laugh at any attempts to illicit an emotional response, like an insult, as if it were childish. Then I usually end with "You're obviously not hearing me, this is a trivial matter, if you really want to be upset then fine, but I don't so I'm going to see the guys and have a good time. Let me know how your night turns out..."
Erm yeah, I agree. That is probably why.
What is your style?
I am curious to see what the various techniques are.
My wife and I tend to do it this way.
1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan
We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
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