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How do you argue with your significant other

tacomancer

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I am curious to see what the various techniques are.

My wife and I tend to do it this way.

1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan

We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
 

Laila

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I actually can't even remember the last time we had a argument and/or fight in our years together.

I almost always get my way in the end anyway which cancels out any need for disagreement tbh.
 

Spartacus FPV

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Well, and this might be why I'm still single, but exactly as I debate here.

I try to remain calm, and cool no matter how emotional or upset she gets, which tends to make the problem worse. I laugh at any attempts to illicit an emotional response, like an insult, as if it were childish. Then I usually end with "You're obviously not hearing me, this is a trivial matter, if you really want to be upset then fine, but I don't so I'm going to see the guys and have a good time. Let me know how your night turns out..."
 

spud_meister

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Tie her to the bed and tickle her into submission.
 

liblady

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I am curious to see what the various techniques are.

My wife and I tend to do it this way.

1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan

We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
i've been married 32 years and when we fight, we just fight. and i win, eventually. ;-)
 

tacomancer

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i've been married 32 years and when we fight, we just fight. and i win, eventually. ;-)
I wonder if this might have something to do with the fact I don't have to do any maintenance on my marriage. I think our style keeps things from building up.
 

MaggieD

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Well, and this might be why I'm still single, but exactly as I debate here.

I try to remain calm, and cool no matter how emotional or upset she gets, which tends to make the problem worse. I laugh at any attempts to illicit an emotional response, like an insult, as if it were childish. Then I usually end with "You're obviously not hearing me, this is a trivial matter, if you really want to be upset then fine, but I don't so I'm going to see the guys and have a good time. Let me know how your night turns out..."
You're 100% right.
 

MaggieD

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I am curious to see what the various techniques are.

My wife and I tend to do it this way.

1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan

We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
Good for you. Especially the part about, "We both tend to win about half the time."

Tom and I aren't married; have been together eleven years. We don't mingle our money. We hardly ever argue, but when we do, Tom subscribes to the negotiating tactic of: Happy wife/Happy life. I'm blessed. ;-)
 

tacomancer

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Good for you. Especially the part about, "We both tend to win about half the time."

Tom and I aren't married; have been together eleven years. We don't mingle our money. We hardly ever argue, but when we do, Tom subscribes to the negotiating tactic of: Happy wife/Happy life. I'm blessed. ;-)
My wife and I try to both make the other happy. The way I see it, if she is happy, than I am in good shape because I enjoy seeing her happy. I believe my wife feels the same way.

Whats weird right now though is that she is still looking for a job and she basically tells me that whatever I want to do with the money is fine since I am the one providing it. That weirds me out a bit since we are married, so its a mutual decision, but otherwise, we tend to try to agree on everything before we make any plans.
 

liblady

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I wonder if this might have something to do with the fact I don't have to do any maintenance on my marriage. I think our style keeps things from building up.
maybe.....but how do you not disagree?
 

tacomancer

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maybe.....but how do you not disagree?
We disagree on stuff all the time, but we work it out and are ok with not winning a particular argument as long as the greater purpose of the marriage is served. Ultimately, its about end goals, my wife and I may have different methods to get there, but as long as we get there and nothing is harmed in the process, the how many not always be important.
 

Laila

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Well, and this might be why I'm still single, but exactly as I debate here.

I try to remain calm, and cool no matter how emotional or upset she gets, which tends to make the problem worse. I laugh at any attempts to illicit an emotional response, like an insult, as if it were childish. Then I usually end with "You're obviously not hearing me, this is a trivial matter, if you really want to be upset then fine, but I don't so I'm going to see the guys and have a good time. Let me know how your night turns out..."
Erm yeah, I agree. That is probably why.
 

Gipper

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In my history, it usually goes as follows:

I say something stupid.
She gets pissed.
We both do our own things for a while.
I nail her.
We go to bed.

Never go to bed mad. Or horny.
 

Catz Part Deux

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J and I have never had an argument or even really had raised voices with each other. We disagree, occasionally, but usually we just talk it out. It helps that neither of us has a lot of ego invested in much that we disagree on, and we're both pretty easy-going.

To be truthful, my marriage kind of wore me out on the whole fighting thing. If I fought a lot with J, I'd date someone else. I want a relationship without a lot of fighting.

He's good at some things, I'm good at other things, and we're both equally good at a few things. Whoever has the best skills in that area takes a leadership role in deciding what should be done, and so far, things have been remarkably easily resolved.
 

gunner

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I'm kinda volatile and the wife to a lesser degree. I'm passionate,moody,kind, happy and sad or, whatever emotion you care to mention [sometimes all in the same day]. Here's the problem....the wife is abit robotic by that i mean never lets on her 'emotional state' [shes very difficult to read] Mars and Venus spring to mind:).
This leads to many issues festering and not truly being resolved. Hence many past problems resurface in arguments of the present. I suppose things cant be all bad as ive been married for 14yrs and have never strayed...

Paul
 

OscarB63

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I usually just give her a good bitchslap and tell her to shut up. if that don't work i give her a good whuppin with a car antenna.
 

jallman

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I am curious to see what the various techniques are.

My wife and I tend to do it this way.

1. We are talking and notice a conflict (money, goals, priorities, methods, whatever)
2. (I tend to go first), I say "my goal is X"
3. My wife goes "My goal is Y"
4. If X and Y are the same or similar, we come up with a plan
5. If goals are radically different, we decide whether we can accommodate both or if one should take priority
6. If both can be accommodated, we come up with a plan
7. If one should take priority, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each
8. We decide which one takes priority (we both tend to win about half the time)
9. We come up with a plan

We have been married for almost 12 years so we tend to do it now and realize what we did later. What is your style?
We don't really argue. I keep a closed mouth and an open wallet. Things have worked out great that way for about 9 years now.
 
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