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Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper

Harshaw

Harshaw

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This is hilarious.

Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper

ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. -- There is a battle for America's behinds.

It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for "soft" (Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is the first big brand to go three-ply and three-adjective).

It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess.

The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.

It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.

This summer, two of the best-known combatants in this fight signed a surprising truce, with a big tissue maker promising to do better. But the larger battle goes on -- the ultimate test of how green Americans will be when nobody's watching.
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Please. A lot of the trees that go into paper are actually GROWN and harvested for that purpose in the area in which I live.
 
If they want me to use their crappy recycled toilet paper, they'd better find a way to make it plush. No way am I gonna go through life with a rash just to save the planet. I tried their recycled stuff. IT SUCKS.
 
:rofl

break outcha sea sponges!
 
At one time, corn cobs were in common use.
 
Bidets for everyone!!
 
They can have my plush toilet paper when they pry the crap-encrusted paper from my cold, dead hands...the bastards. :toilet:

Oh yeah...while I'm on a rant -- they can tax my soda pop and potato chips until hell freezes over, and I will still purchase and consume the stuff.

I will continue to eat meat, smoke/toke my weed outside or in my own home, and drive my 17 mpg pickup truck on the roads. Hell, I might even wear real FUR, if I could afford it.

To hell with the environmental and health food Nazis! :shoot
 
There is already a market for these.

Just wipe, wash, and reuse.

never mind that instead of killing a tree or 2 you are wasting thousands of gallons of water, and assuming that you are not hand washing, a bunch of electricity as well.
 
That recycled stuff is crap. My in-laws bought us a bunch when we first got married. It was like a year's supply or more and it was awful. When we finally ran out of that crap, I demanded my wife start buying the cushiest, softest, most cloud like TP she could find.
 
marduc said:
There is already a market for these.

Just wipe, wash, and reuse.

never mind that instead of killing a tree or 2 you are wasting thousands of gallons of water, and assuming that you are not hand washing, a bunch of electricity as well.
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I wonder what the CDC would think about that... Especially in public restrooms!
 
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other said:
I wonder what the CDC would think about that... Especially in public restrooms!
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I dunno, imagine all the jobs it would create though. All those people to go restock, and collect the used ones, and all the laundry workers.

Forget the green economy, we have the makings of a brown economy here.
 
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marduc said:
I dunno, imagine all the jobs it would create though. All those people to go restock, and collect the used ones, and all the laundry workers.

Forget the green economy, we have the makings of a brown economy here.
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:rofl BROWN IS THE NEW GREEN!
 
I just look for what is on sale at the Target down the street.
 
Catz Part Deux said:
Please. A lot of the trees that go into paper are actually GROWN and harvested for that purpose in the area in which I live.
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Oh I would worry about the tree huggers their bark is worse than their Bite.
Have you considered branching out into other areas or are your roots too set in the soil to leaf for other forrests ?
 
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Psychoclown said:
That recycled stuff is crap. My in-laws bought us a bunch when we first got married. It was like a year's supply or more and it was awful. When we finally ran out of that crap, I demanded my wife start buying the cushiest, softest, most cloud like TP she could find.
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"That recycled stuff is crap" - Don't they remove the crap during the recycling process ? Your inlaws must hate you. So hope that your BR experiences are on clowd 9... these days !!! :lol:
 
Harshaw said:
This is hilarious.

Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
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I agree; that cushioned toilet paper is unnecessary. And gross.
It disintegrates and sticks to you.
I'll take some good old Scott Toilet Paper (1-ply, 1000 sheets per roll) or better yet, the generic equivalent, over "plushy" toilet paper any day.
I went to someone's house one time and they had some kind of scented and lotionized toilet paper. Lotionized. As in "greasy".
What's wrong with people these days? :doh
 
1069 said:
I agree; that cushioned toilet paper is unnecessary. And gross.
It disintegrates and sticks to you.
I'll take some good old Scott Toilet Paper (1-ply, 1000 sheets per roll) or better yet, the generic equivalent, over "plushy" toilet paper any day.
I went to someone's house one time and they had some kind of scented and lotionized toilet paper. Lotionized. As in "greasy".
What's wrong with people these days? :doh
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People these days have to have multitasking toilet paper.

It has be plush while wiping.
It has to moisterize while wiping.
It has to deoderize while wiping.
It has to make you say OOOOOhhh!!! while wiping.

It is really quite silly.
 
goldendog said:
People these days have to have multitasking toilet paper.

It has be plush while wiping.
It has to moisterize while wiping.
It has to deoderize while wiping.
It has to make you say OOOOOhhh!!! while wiping.

It is really quite silly.
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Kind of like tampons.
Those have gotten pretty silly too; advertisements these days describe them in terms such as "silky", "petal soft", "tapered applicator" and "rounded tip".
It's like, are you selling tampons or disposable dildos here? What's the idea? :confused:

I just look for something biodegradable and non-perfumed (because perfumed tampons cause yeast infections and smell like embalming fluid, and I don't want to be mistaken for a corpse).
 
I like recycled t/paper, it stops me chewing my nails.
 
winston53660 said:
I just look for what is on sale at the Target down the street.
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Its the same principle I use for my cat's litter. You are ****ting on it(essentially, with wiping). No need to spend extra dollars, either for "superior comfort"(or scents as 1069 referred to, how many people are really going to be that close and personal to my asshole? Nevermind, don't answer that....) or "to save the planet".

If someone ever suggest this, take a dump on their living room floor, and wipe your ass on their carpet. For the planet, of course.
 
I suppose we could all revert to doing what many people in Arab nations do...use one hand (usually the left one) to wipe their asses with. What they do with their crap after they dig it out of their butts is something I really don't want to think about. :2sick1:

The moral here? Never accept a hand shake from someone who offers his left hand. You'll now know why their left hand seems a bit browner than their right hand. :mrgreen:
 
quatrotritikali said:
I suppose we could all revert to doing what many people in Arab nations do...use one hand (usually the left one) to wipe their asses with. What they do with their crap after they dig it out of their butts is something I really don't want to think about. :2sick1:

The moral here? Never accept a hand shake from someone who offers his left hand. You'll now know why their left hand seems a bit browner than their right hand. :mrgreen:
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Actually, that's something of a xenophobic urban myth; practicing islamics in middle eastern countries typically do use their left hands to wipe themselves (with toilet paper) and also to hold their penises while urinating, they do not typically wipe their butts with their bare hands. Their left hand is holding toilet paper while doing the wiping. Westerners too use their left hand (or else their right hand) to wipe their butts, so we don't really have any cause to act all high and mighty.

Toilet paper is widely used in Islamic countries today; where it is not, water is used (which is actually more hygienic, when you really think about it; if you got someone else's poop on your hand, would you wash it off with soap and water, or just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it good?).

The Prophet Muhammad specified that stones should be used to wipe after defecation, followed by cleansing with water.
There was a complicated protocol surrounding these instructions.
In the time of Muhammad, however, Europeans were probably also wiping their butts with stones, or handfuls of grass or leaves, if at all. So again, we really have no room to criticize.
 
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