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I came across this article and thought it might be relevant to our experiences here. Lord is it ever true that we constantly deal with gaslight at DP.
"Research published in The Journal of Sexual Aggression suggests that gaslighters share some common personality traits such as being emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, irresponsible, impulsive, distractable, and lacking in common sense and self-awareness." Because our interactions are entirely online, it is difficult to see these characteristics, but I'll bet you recognize some of them. The author's suggestion is to "#1. Identify the warning signs early". Once someone starts posting aggressive nonsense, that's a warning sign.
"Often, their tactics revolve around:
Next, "#2. Speak up and be assertive" - name it. "Since gaslighters often don’t know the extent of their malicious behaviors, communication may make them aware of their actions." But don't belabor it. We don't have access to resources to discourage/modify such behavior. Point it out, but when they become persistent,
#3. Set firm boundaries and possibly let go.
We have an ignore function. It's useful. Not for every disagreement, of course, this is a discussion board after all. But "Often, abusive partners will not give up the power they feel they have. You can start by taking the following steps:
Finally, remember, "Manipulation is never okay."
A Psychologist Offers 3 Strategies To Stop A Gaslighter In Their Tracks (Forbes)
Unfortunately, the article is limited-access, and really isn't very good. But, conceptually, it is helpful, so I'll summarize: "By causing someone to question their sense of judgment and reality, gaslighting undermines victims’ sense of agency and righteousness." That's the premise. The strategies to counter these efforts follow. "In this article, I’ll talk about three strategies you can employ to protect yourself against this noxious relationship tactic.""Research published in The Journal of Sexual Aggression suggests that gaslighters share some common personality traits such as being emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, irresponsible, impulsive, distractable, and lacking in common sense and self-awareness." Because our interactions are entirely online, it is difficult to see these characteristics, but I'll bet you recognize some of them. The author's suggestion is to "#1. Identify the warning signs early". Once someone starts posting aggressive nonsense, that's a warning sign.
"Often, their tactics revolve around:
- Invalidating your feelings (“You are so insensitive.” “You are overreacting.”)
- Devaluing your worth (“You are stupid.” “You cannot possibly understand…”)
- Denying the truth (“Are you sure this has happened? You don’t remember things clearly anyway.”)
- Blaming you for their actions (“Don’t get upset over nonsensical things and I won’t get angry at you.”)"
Next, "#2. Speak up and be assertive" - name it. "Since gaslighters often don’t know the extent of their malicious behaviors, communication may make them aware of their actions." But don't belabor it. We don't have access to resources to discourage/modify such behavior. Point it out, but when they become persistent,
#3. Set firm boundaries and possibly let go.
We have an ignore function. It's useful. Not for every disagreement, of course, this is a discussion board after all. But "Often, abusive partners will not give up the power they feel they have. You can start by taking the following steps:
- Set limits around the usage of certain words and behaviors
- Try to make them aware of the patterns of their toxic behavior
- Direct them towards counseling and therapy"
Finally, remember, "Manipulation is never okay."