A fathers point of view

[Bodi]

THIS is a fake apology:



Compare with "I apologize for what I said, that upset you."

You have strange apology protocol... I hope that has not hurt your relationships.

And since you refuse to grasp that once someone receives money, it is no longer magically earmarked as "for the child" because money is fungible, I see no point in continuing the "debate."

When a parents money is deducted by the State for Child Support and given to the Custodial Parent as Child Support for the purpose of supporting the child... how is it not earmarked as "for the child" ???

Given the system that exists, it does you credit that you pay in full and on time. I'll give you that much.

Gosh... thank you. Perhaps when you understand the rest better you will give me more credit!!

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Not judging anyone who didn't, but I stayed married till both kids left for college.
I married in 1987, the first 7-8 years were fine. Disagreements of course, but overall - just fine.
Our first child was born in 1990, the 2nd in 1994.
By 2000, it was unraveling. By 2002, it was loveless and sexless.
My youngest left for college in 2013. I left the same year, and divorced 2015 - remarried 2017.
Perhaps TMI, but point being I stayed to raise the children. I would do it 1000 more times.
The price was heavy, but worth it.

 

[Lursa]

Not judging anyone who didn't, but I stayed married till both kids left for college.
I married in 1987, the first 7-8 years were fine. Disagreements of course, but overall - just fine.
Our first child was born in 1990, the 2nd in 1994.
By 2000, it was unraveling. By 2002, it was loveless and sexless.
My youngest left for college in 2013. I left the same year, and divorced 2015 - remarried 2017.
Perhaps TMI, but point being I stayed to raise the children. I would do it 1000 more times.
The price was heavy, but worth it.

I dont think anyone disagrees that it would be better if the father would remain in the kid's life, in general, but as it is, all they can legally be compelled to do to uphold their responsibility is to contribute their share financially.

 

[slavablueberryjam]

Not judging anyone who didn't, but I stayed married till both kids left for college.
I married in 1987, the first 7-8 years were fine. Disagreements of course, but overall - just fine.
Our first child was born in 1990, the 2nd in 1994.
By 2000, it was unraveling. By 2002, it was loveless and sexless.
My youngest left for college in 2013. I left the same year, and divorced 2015 - remarried 2017.
Perhaps TMI, but point being I stayed to raise the children. I would do it 1000 more times.
The price was heavy, but worth it.

You were in the wrong to stay married for so long.

 

[slavablueberryjam]

Just a different perspective... men just get bashed and bashed and then people, and women, wonder why the man is angry about it all...

This card idea is great. This guy says exactly what I have said... the man should not be paying for her rent or lifestyle... the money is for the kids... he even says that and adds that hte kids are not getting new shoes.

I know for me my kids were telling me about all the cafe's they went to, breakfasts, coffee places were mom would be getting expensive coffee and then literally turn around and ask me for more money because she could not afford shoes for the kids and then when I talked to her about budgeting she would accuse me of not even paying the child support due, which is amazing because I had all bank records of payments and all the extra stuff that I paid for... the Judge was not happy with her lies about that.

I suggest more humans not reproducing, so the planet can at least begin to breath once again.

 

[Bodi]

I suggest more humans not reproducing, so the planet can at least begin to breath once again.

I 110% agree with that.

 

[BirdinHand]

I suggest more humans not reproducing, so the planet can at least begin to breath once again.

I think people should give a LOT more consideration to what being a GOOD PARENT actually looks like prior to becoming one.

Truly, I look around at a LOT of my son’s friends and see kids that are “being raised” by care providers and not parents.

Being shuffled from point A to point B. Being passed off to care provider A or care provider B…or other people.

Dropped off at school/daycare by 7am, picked up at 6pm. Enrolled in very summer camp, school break camp, etc. Not a parent to be seen at sports, extra curricular activities, parent-teacher conferences. Parents rushing in to attend a school program and rushing back out. Their needs just completely being MISSED because parents are just so busy, they don’t even have time to SEE it.

Kids deserve better. They deserve parents that actually WANT to be a parent. That actually enjoy spending time with their kids.

Lots of parents see their kids as an obligation or a burden.

We see it reflected in posts on this very forum.

And it breaks my heart.

Hug your kids. LISTEN to your kids. Like, if only 5 minutes a day…set aside distractions and spend time with your kid. They didn’t ask to be born. And they deserve loving attentive parents that actually care about THEM.

 

[Bodi]

I think people should give a LOT more consideration to what being a GOOD PARENT actually looks like prior to becoming one.

Truly, I look around at a LOT of my son’s friends and see kids that are “being raised” by care providers and not parents.

Being shuffled from point A to point B. Being passed off to care provider A or care provider B…or other people.

Dropped off at school/daycare by 7am, picked up at 6pm. Enrolled in very summer camp, school break camp, etc. Not a parent to be seen at sports, extra curricular activities, parent-teacher conferences. Parents rushing in to attend a school program and rushing back out. Their needs just completely being MISSED because parents are just so busy, they don’t even have time to SEE it.

Kids deserve better. They deserve parents that actually WANT to be a parent. That actually enjoy spending time with their kids.

Lots of parents see their kids as an obligation or a burden.

We see it reflected in posts on this very forum.

And it breaks my heart.

Hug your kids. LISTEN to your kids. Like, if only 5 minutes a day…set aside distractions and spend time with your kid. They didn’t ask to be born. And they deserve loving attentive parents that actually care about THEM.

I don't know how old the kids you are talking about are... but when they hit 12 or so kids are dominated, completely, by social media. Video Games. Tik Tok, Instagram, youtube, influencers, Spotify, etc. It is a siege that they are assaulted with day after day after day... and that is where parents fail... in protecting their kids from screen time and monitoring what they are watching/doing.

 

[BirdinHand]

I don't know how old the kids you are talking about are... but when they hit 12 or so kids are dominated, completely, by social media. Video Games. Tik Tok, Instagram, youtube, influencers, Spotify, etc. It is a siege that they are assaulted with day after day after day... and that is where parents fail... in protecting their kids from screen time and monitoring what they are watching/doing.

My kid is only 8.

We haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m ahead of the curve (I hope) because I’m engaging with him regarding social media and teaching him how to navigate it and that NONE of it is real.

He loves YouTube and we constantly discuss YouTube and videos and he creates some.

I have an advantage because other parents and kids went first and I’m trying to learn from that.


Mostly I’m driving home how NONE of it is real and how it’s ALL curated, etc.

Time will tell.

 

[slavablueberryjam]

My kid is only 8.

We haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m ahead of the curve (I hope) because I’m engaging with him regarding social media and teaching him how to navigate it and that NONE of it is real.

He loves YouTube and we constantly discuss YouTube and videos and he creates some.

I have an advantage because other parents and kids went first and I’m trying to learn from that.


Mostly I’m driving home how NONE of it is real and how it’s ALL curated, etc.

Time will tell.

All of it is curated. There is a show on youtube, that my nieces watch due to the kids being the same age. The toys, etc, are all placed there for marketing purposes. You can tell it has been going very good for them because the earlier episodes, they did not live in a mansion as they do now.

 

[CLAX1911]

No it is spot on. Such is the control freak of men that they insist they must be the ones who get to tell women how they spend the money.

If it's child support that's the term of the money dictating how it should be spent. As in supporting the trial if you're going out and having drinks with your friends or buying a new car or having $8 lattes that's not how that money should be spent.

That doesn't support the child. It's not ex-wife support. It should absolutely be dictated to them that they spend the money on on the child and caring for the child. That's why it's called child support.

If you're married and your kids going hungry because you have to afford the payments of your new Porsche or they're wearing shoes that are a size too small because you just can't give up your $8 lattes that's a problem. People will come to your house and arrest you. As they should.

Take a divorce out of the equation the child's well-being comes before all of your stupid little desires.

 

[CLAX1911]

Just a different perspective... men just get bashed and bashed and then people, and women, wonder why the man is angry about it all...

This card idea is great. This guy says exactly what I have said... the man should not be paying for her rent or lifestyle... the money is for the kids... he even says that and adds that hte kids are not getting new shoes.

I know for me my kids were telling me about all the cafe's they went to, breakfasts, coffee places were mom would be getting expensive coffee and then literally turn around and ask me for more money because she could not afford shoes for the kids and then when I talked to her about budgeting she would accuse me of not even paying the child support due, which is amazing because I had all bank records of payments and all the extra stuff that I paid for... the Judge was not happy with her lies about that.

After watching a friend of mine go through a divorce and a custody battle or he fought as hard as he could and wait in bankrupt to fight stay in his kids lives that was the first time I ever felt thankful that I'm gay and there ain't no possibility for an oops baby. If my partner were to ever break it off with me and that's it. We divide up the shared assets and part ways.

Another life won't be in the middle of it as a means for leverage.

He was actually able to fight and win at least to be in their lives. They're a little too young to know the sacrifice their dad happily made to stay in their life. I get calls from him every once in awhile still the kids are teenagers. And he's almost in tears because mom lets them do this or have that so she must love them more and that's what they say to him.

I admire the fact that he never said a word about how their mother used them as leverage. I never said that he actually bought the new computers and it's going to be the one paying him drivers insurance. That's a hell of a father. He does get to take them camping twice a year and they seem to love that so at least he's able to make memories with his children.

 

[Bodi]

After watching a friend of mine go through a divorce and a custody battle or he fought as hard as he could and wait in bankrupt to fight stay in his kids lives that was the first time I ever felt thankful that I'm gay and there ain't no possibility for an oops baby. If my partner were to ever break it off with me and that's it. We divide up the shared assets and part ways.

Another life won't be in the middle of it as a means for leverage.

He was actually able to fight and win at least to be in their lives. They're a little too young to know the sacrifice their dad happily made to stay in their life. I get calls from him every once in awhile still the kids are teenagers. And he's almost in tears because mom lets them do this or have that so she must love them more and that's what they say to him.

I admire the fact that he never said a word about how their mother used them as leverage. I never said that he actually bought the new computers and it's going to be the one paying him drivers insurance. That's a hell of a father. He does get to take them camping twice a year and they seem to love that so at least he's able to make memories with his children.

Lots of men and women take a lot of shit from their ex's but it is the men that get shit from assholes in society that call them whiners and lie about the facts, like many of our resident man haters here that hide under the guise of feminists. It is crazy. I am sitting here wanting Child Support to be spent on the Child and you have people attacking me over it? LOL It is utterly disgusting.

 

[CLAX1911]

Lots of men and women take a lot of shit from their ex's but it is the men that get shit from assholes in society that call them whiners and lie about the facts, like many of our resident man haters here that hide under the guise of feminists. It is crazy. I am sitting here wanting Child Support to be spent on the Child and you have people attacking me over it? LOL It is utterly disgusting.

Well it's part of western culture and I actually had a good of an issue but I have to do it for myself when I started dating men.

We treat women like they're children. Feminism demands that.

It's a way men have to be or society in order to be picked by women. Women are encouraged to be narcissists and think they deserve special treatment than the point where they just expect that that's the way the world works.

A lot of men by end of this because they were raised by single mothers. And they're changed by one who struggles keeping men in her life how to be a man for a woman.

I struggled with a lot of things when I let go of trying to be straight and one of the things I realized is how much Men actually live for women because I was doing it I was going along with it I didn't know any better. I think this is why a lot of very out gay men are seen as effeminate or catty because it broke the bonds of the cultural dynamic. They don't seek to go out of their way to make women feel comfortable or even invited.

Some women even see this as oddly enough alpha energy which is beyond me. They are referred to as a certain kind of hag.

I've got some words on feminism but seeing as this is really about doors and child support I'll save it

 

[Lursa]

Lots of men and women take a lot of shit from their ex's but it is the men that get shit from assholes in society that call them whiners and lie about the facts, like many of our resident man haters here that hide under the guise of feminists. It is crazy. I am sitting here wanting Child Support to be spent on the Child and you have people attacking me over it? LOL It is utterly disgusting.

Odd statement...I dont remember ever seeing anyone post that they didnt want child support $$ to go anywhere but to benefit the child. Can you provide some quotes to prove that or are you going to just claim "lies!" and never do so. Again. (If you felt attacked, I'm sure it wasnt for advocating the $ benefit the kids...so, put up or...?)

And how are feminists different than most adult women today? Who doesnt want equality? The horror! Just letting your resentment flag fly free I see.

 

[soylentgreen]

If it's child support that's the term of the money dictating how it should be spent. As in supporting the trial if you're going out and having drinks with your friends or buying a new car or having $8 lattes that's not how that money should be spent.

That doesn't support the child. It's not ex-wife support. It should absolutely be dictated to them that they spend the money on on the child and caring for the child. That's why it's called child support.

If you're married and your kids going hungry because you have to afford the payments of your new Porsche or they're wearing shoes that are a size too small because you just can't give up your $8 lattes that's a problem. People will come to your house and arrest you. As they should.

Take a divorce out of the equation the child's well-being comes before all of your stupid little desires.

There is a kind of irony in a person arguing he should not be dictated to on how he spend his money feels the need to lecture women on how they spend theirs.

 

[CLAX1911]

There is a kind of irony in a person arguing he should not be dictated to on how he spend his money feels the need to lecture women on how they spend theirs.

Well it's not how a person spends their money that's how a person spends a child's money.

Money allocated to the child does not belong to you.

Since a child can't make their own money they need to be supported by an adult that can.

If you decide your child can just go a month without eating because you need to make your Porsche payments please you're going to come kick in your door and possibly arrest you and that should happen.

So yeah I'm okay with dictating the parents have to spend money to care for the child.

 

[soylentgreen]

Well it's not how a person spends their money that's how a person spends a child's money.

Money allocated to the child does not belong to you.

Since a child can't make their own money they need to be supported by an adult that can.

If you decide your child can just go a month without eating because you need to make your Porsche payments please you're going to come kick in your door and possibly arrest you and that should happen.

So yeah I'm okay with dictating the parents have to spend money to care for the child.

That part in bold. Another example of how you do not want others making decisions for you about your money but you are ok with others making decisions on how women spend their money. Not only hypocrisy but a fair example of demonising women.

 

[CLAX1911]

That part in bold. Another example of how you do not want others making decisions for you about your money but you are ok with others making decisions on how women spend their money.

Child support is not women's money unless you're saying women are children?

If a woman thinks of that as her money she's stealing it from the child and that should be a crime punishable by imprisonment.

Not only hypocrisy but a fair example of demonising women.

You can pretend women are children I don't I think they're adults and therefore child support isn't for women because women are children.

If it was her money it would be called woman support.

It seems very misogynistic of you to think women are children I don't have any agency of their own.

 

[soylentgreen]

Child support is not women's money unless you're saying women are children?

If a woman thinks of that as her money she's stealing it from the child and that should be a crime punishable by imprisonment.

You can pretend women are children I don't I think they're adults and therefore child support isn't for women because women are children.

If it was her money it would be called woman support.

It seems very misogynistic of you to think women are children I don't have any agency of their own.

Child support is for thise supporting a child, not for a child to spend as a child may seem fit. If a woman is taking care of a child then she gets to decide how that money will support the child. Not someone like you.
All you are doing here is repeating that you know better how to spend other peoples money.

 

[CLAX1911]

Child support is for thise supporting a child, not for a child to spend as a child may seem fit.

But it's child support not woman support a woman should support herself.

If a woman is taking care of a child then she gets to decide how that money will support the child.

That's correct on the child not her. She needs to support herself like every other parent has to do.

Not someone like you.
All you are doing here is repeating that you know better how to spend other peoples money.

No that's what people collecting child support and spending it on themselves are doing.

 

[soylentgreen]

But it's child support not woman support a woman should support herself.

That's correct on the child not her. She needs to support herself like every other parent has to do.

No that's what people collecting child support and spending it on themselves are doing.

It is the woman who supports the child not money.
Either you are making the argument that all women do this which of course is not true or that only some woman do this but all women should be punished for it. Does your argument also work for men, ie. some men behave badly with guns then all men should be banned from having guns.

 

[CLAX1911]

It is the woman who supports the child not money.

No it's both parents that do. If the woman supported the child there would be no child support payments made to her.

Either you are making the argument that all women do this which of course is not true or that only some woman do this but all women should be punished for it.

You were the one who Said women support the child. That is incorrect. Both parents do.

Does your argument also work for men, ie. some men behave badly with guns then all men should be banned from having guns.

You'll have to do better explaining how this is analogous.

 

[soylentgreen]

No it's both parents that do. If the woman supported the child there would be no child support payments made to her.

You were the one who Said women support the child. That is incorrect. Both parents do.

You'll have to do better explaining how this is analogous.

Support for a child is not just finance. Where both parents are in care of a child then they share finance. Where the woman is left on her own to raise the child then the male must share in finance but has no obligation to care for the child.
You mistake finance for support being the same for the woman who cares for the child and the man who just pays in money.

 

[CLAX1911]

Support for a child is not just finance. Where both parents are in care of a child then they share finance. Where the woman is left on her own to raise the child then the male must share in finance but has no obligation to care for the child.

The child I agree. Woman should support herself.

You mistake finance for support being the same for the woman who cares for the child and the man who just pays in money.

Child support refers to finance do keep up please.

If the man pays the money it's his money.