A fathers point of view

[Bodi]

Just a different perspective... men just get bashed and bashed and then people, and women, wonder why the man is angry about it all...

This card idea is great. This guy says exactly what I have said... the man should not be paying for her rent or lifestyle... the money is for the kids... he even says that and adds that hte kids are not getting new shoes.

I know for me my kids were telling me about all the cafe's they went to, breakfasts, coffee places were mom would be getting expensive coffee and then literally turn around and ask me for more money because she could not afford shoes for the kids and then when I talked to her about budgeting she would accuse me of not even paying the child support due, which is amazing because I had all bank records of payments and all the extra stuff that I paid for... the Judge was not happy with her lies about that.

 

[Lursa]

Just a different perspective... men just get bashed and bashed and then people, and women, wonder why the man is angry about it all...

This card idea is great. This guy says exactly what I have said... the man should not be paying for her rent or lifestyle... the money is for the kids... he even says that and adds that hte kids are not getting new shoes.

I know for me my kids were telling me about all the cafe's they went to, breakfasts, coffee places were mom would be getting expensive coffee and then literally turn around and ask me for more money because she could not afford shoes for the kids and then when I talked to her about budgeting she would accuse me of not even paying the child support due, which is amazing because I had all bank records of payments and all the extra stuff that I paid for... the Judge was not happy with her lies about that.

Tell us exactly what's different about the perspective here?

The govt is not here to help you deal with your relationships. Humans treat other humans shitty. At least when you know you have control over yourself and dont over the other person...you can make smart choices and not hand your control over to someone else. Or...not.

And men and women get shit on all over in divorces...they do it to each other. If the bureaucrats can track that $ better, great. We wont get into how often the non-custodial parent cant even be tracked down or holds out on paying while the kids do go without.

 

[soylentgreen]

So your argument is she should be held to her actions and face a court decision. So that men do not have to face the consequences of their own actions.

 

[Bodi]

So your argument is she should be held to her actions and face a court decision. So that men do not have to face the consequences of their own actions.

No. Only a person that is drunk on 'could care less about the kid' or drunk an man hate could make such a stupid conclusion.

The point was that the money is about the kid.... Generally the man pays more and that money should be spent on the child....

 

[Ug make hammer]

I have some sympathy for men who just want to see more of their kids, or who were forced out despite being good fathers.

Not so much for men who just bitch about the money. So you picked the wrong woman to get pregnant. Well it's worse for her.

 

[soylentgreen]

No. Only a person that is drunk on 'could care less about the kid' or drunk an man hate could make such a stupid conclusion.

The point was that the money is about the kid.... Generally the man pays more and that money should be spent on the child....

Or a person who can see through a rotten premise.
Your argument is because some woman are bad then all women should be treated as if they were bad.
Really! Please tell me I do not need to explain the flaw in this thinking.

 

[dmpi]

Receiving child support comes with an obligation to use that money for its intended purpose. Bottom line is many women cannot or will not differentiate her needs vs. the child's needs. Any tools (such as this credit card) that can help fix this are both welcome and needed. Further more I think child support should be earmarked for specific purposes like a child's education fund or medical savings account. Since the guy is funding it the mom won't have to and (in theory) she should have more money for herself and everyday living.

 

[Bodi]

Your argument is because some woman are bad then all women should be treated as if they were bad.

Wrong.

 

[Bodi]

I have some sympathy for men who just want to see more of their kids, or who were forced out despite being good fathers.

That is a good start.

Not so much for men who just bitch about the money. So you picked the wrong woman to get pregnant. Well it's worse for her.

Or maybe it is worse for him...

 

[BirdinHand]

Just a different perspective... men just get bashed and bashed and then people, and women, wonder why the man is angry about it all...

This card idea is great. This guy says exactly what I have said... the man should not be paying for her rent or lifestyle... the money is for the kids... he even says that and adds that hte kids are not getting new shoes.

I know for me my kids were telling me about all the cafe's they went to, breakfasts, coffee places were mom would be getting expensive coffee and then literally turn around and ask me for more money because she could not afford shoes for the kids and then when I talked to her about budgeting she would accuse me of not even paying the child support due, which is amazing because I had all bank records of payments and all the extra stuff that I paid for... the Judge was not happy with her lies about that.

More whining about child support, shocking.

 

[Bodi]

More whining about child support, shocking.

Another post where you don't care about what is best for the child. Typical deflection.

 

[noonereal]

I have some sympathy for men who just want to see more of their kids, or who were forced out despite being good fathers.

Not so much for men who just bitch about the money. So you picked the wrong woman to get pregnant. Well it's worse for her.

How is it worse for her?

 

[BirdinHand]

Another post where you don't care about what is best for the child. Typical deflection.

A card that can’t be used to keep a roof over the head of a child and the lights and internet on in a house for a child is not in the best interests of the child.

If two adults that create a child need to go in front of a JUDGE in order to compel them to do right by their kid(s) in the first place - my heart goes out to the kid because the parents both obviously suck.

When you have a kid, you are supposed to make that child a priority and that includes being mature enough to work in an effective way with the other parent of the child, not need a judge to mediate for you.

The only people I’ve ever seen have to go to court over child support can’t get past their animosity toward the other adult and make pretty crappy parents because of that.

Most people I know still manage to attend joint birthday parties, attend sports together, act civil towards each other and never had to set foot inside a courtroom to discuss custody or child support because they are mature adults.

Kids deserve mature adults as parents - not petty people that fight over child support or concern themselves with what coffee the other parent is drinking and if that coffee came from child support.

Petty is petty. And too many people are petty and immature and probably shouldn’t be parents in the first place.

Kids pick up on it and carry that distrust, animosity and perspective with them. But the parents don’t care - they’re too concerned with whether the other party is “taking advantage” to see the damage they’re doing.

 

[Bodi]

A card that can’t be used to keep a roof over the head of a child and the lights and internet on in a house for a child is not in the best interests of the child.

It forces the custodial parent to spend the child support on the child

If two adults that create a child need to go in front of a JUDGE in order to compel them to do right by their kid(s) in the first place - my heart goes out to the kid because the parents both obviously suck.

Often it is one parent that takes things to such extremes that Court is the only alternative for the second parent and it is absolutely best for the kid.

When you have a kid, you are supposed to make that child a priority and that includes being mature enough to work in an effective way with the other parent of the child, not need a judge to mediate for you.

There are a lot of messed up people out there... is this news to you?

The only people I’ve ever seen have to go to court over child support can’t get past their animosity toward the other adult and make pretty crappy parents because of that.

Most people I know still manage to attend joint birthday parties, attend sports together, act civil towards each other and never had to set foot inside a courtroom to discuss custody or child support because they are mature adults.

Kids deserve mature adults as parents - not petty people that fight over child support or concern themselves with what coffee the other parent is drinking and if that coffee came from child support.

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors... I imagine that you think you know people better than you do.

Petty is petty. And too many people are petty and immature and probably shouldn’t be parents in the first place.

Kids pick up on it and carry that distrust, animosity and perspective with them. But the parents don’t care - they’re too concerned with whether the other party is “taking advantage” to see the damage they’re doing.

Obviously it is such an issue that the government there is having to step in... so it is a real issue.

This thread is about ways that make sure that child support goes to the child.

 

[BirdinHand]

FYI - the entire post is based on a lie/misinformation. As is the video.

Quick google search shows that there is no restrictions on what the card in DE can be used for.

And the card is an OPTION for people that don’t have a bank account.

No more, no less.

STORED VALUE CARD - Delaware Health and Social Services - State of Delaware

Stored Value Card (First State Family Card)

dhss.delaware.gov

You may want to find more reliable sources @Bodi because there are no strings attached to this card as to what it can be used for. It’s simply a way for DE to get child support payment more quickly to child support recipients - instead of cutting and mailing physical checks.

Countless employers use prepaid debit cards that can be reloaded instantly much like direct deposits. The entire thought process that the card would exist to prevent child support from going towards rent (or anything else) is a lie. That isn’t the purpose and there is no capability for purchases to be restricted.

 

[BirdinHand]

Delaware doesn’t police how child support payments are spent

An old post about Delaware limiting what mothers can buy with child support payments is again spreading on social media,

www.politifact.com

Delaware Child Support Card

A fake news story about a new Delaware "Child Support Card" hit the online world in January 2016.

www.snopes.com

 

[Antiwar]

* father's

 

[Lursa]

Another post where you don't care about what is best for the child. Typical deflection.

in your scenario, "there is no child!"

Remember? You've hollered it a million times in these threads. So...how can you accuse her or anyone else of not caring about 'what's best for the child?' What child?

 

[Lursa]

Delaware doesn’t police how child support payments are spent

An old post about Delaware limiting what mothers can buy with child support payments is again spreading on social media,

www.politifact.com

Delaware Child Support Card

A fake news story about a new Delaware "Child Support Card" hit the online world in January 2016.

www.snopes.com

Thanks, the desperation and bitterness from the constant failure (years' worth) on this topic have really driven the deadbeat supporters to new levels of bad faith.

 

[Antiwar]

...

Do you have a "Father's matter" hat?

 

[Ug make hammer]

How is it worse for her?

Caring physically for the children detracts from one's career. Even if the lesser income and child support combined, amount to a similar income to the absentee parent (presumed father) gets, long term income is significantly less.

Considering the video presenter bitches about paying for rent of the remnant family, I expect he also begrudges paying for child care.

The other thing that always comes up is "what about really rich absentee parents?" and frankly I don't care. The average child care payment in the US is $3,431 per year. Anyone who thinks that buys them control over their ex-partners life is being unbelievably arrogant.

 

[Bodi]

Caring physically for the children detracts from one's career. Even if the lesser income and child support combined, amount to a similar income to the absentee parent (presumed father) gets, long term income is significantly less.

It is not worse for her because she chose that route... It is what she chose. If you want to make it competitive then she can make a different choice.

Considering the video presenter bitches about paying for rent of the remnant family, I expect he also begrudges paying for child care.

The other thing that always comes up is "what about really rich absentee parents?" and frankly I don't care. The average child care payment in the US is $3,431 per year. Anyone who thinks that buys them control over their ex-partners life is being unbelievably arrogant.

That is because too many uneducated poor people with low paying jobs are having kids...

 

[Ug make hammer]

It is not worse for her because she chose that route... It is what she chose. If you want to make it competitive then she can make a different choice.

Since when did relationship breakups become only the choice of the woman? Some men leave, you know that.

That is because too many uneducated poor people with low paying jobs are having kids...

Yet your concern is for rich men who have to pay serious amounts of child support.

BTW, the average is even lower in Australia than it is in the US. According to Services Australia, the average payment is $61 a week.

 

[soylentgreen]

Wrong.

No it is spot on. Such is the control freak of men that they insist they must be the ones who get to tell women how they spend the money.

 

[noonereal]

Caring physically for the children detracts from one's career. Even if the lesser income and child support combined, amount to a similar income to the absentee parent (presumed father) gets, long term income is significantly less.

Considering the video presenter bitches about paying for rent of the remnant family, I expect he also begrudges paying for child care.

The other thing that always comes up is "what about really rich absentee parents?" and frankly I don't care. The average child care payment in the US is $3,431 per year. Anyone who thinks that buys them control over their ex-partners life is being unbelievably arrogant.

We are not taking into account the natural order of the world. You only speak to monies. You speak to the woman's career being handicapped by care demands. How about her natural inclination to want children being satisfied?

Good grief, let's be wholly honest and look at things in macro.

Thanks