Yang Wins Democrat Debate - Condensed Version In Case You Missed It

[3leftsdoo]

Corporate Moderator: Mayor Pete, you so sexy. (applause) Some guy on the internet says "Bernie's a filthy communist!" Do you agree, or is Bernie a perverted creep?

Bernie: Excuse me--

Mayor Pete: Vote for me! SexyPete @ Democrat.com

Bernie: Excu--

Corporate Moderator: Moving on... Mayor Pete, you're a veteran. The ONLY veteran. As the ONLY veteran, would you have droned that general?

Mayor Pete: I AM a veteran. And I would/not have droned that guy. Vote for me! MayorPete @ SexyBack.com

Corporate Moderator: Amy Klobuchar. What do you think about Mayor Pete? Sexy or super-sexy?

AmyK: What? My father worked in the mines and had 9 brothers. Imma working class. Vote for me. AmyKanDo.com

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Uncle Joe. Oh sorry - Uncle Bernie. Bernie, you've been called the greatest danger to America since Hitler. By my uncle. Do you agree, or see yourself more as a Mussolini type?

Bernie: Excuse m--

Corporate Moderator: Times up, Komrade Bernie. Andrew Yang. How are you still in this?

Andy Yang: [Sane reply despite insane questions/circumstances]

Joe Biden: I'd like to, um, look. Answer? Look--I was there. I invited China. They were there because look!

Corporate Moderator: Moving on... Mr. Steyer. How rich are you?

Steyer: [relatively sane response for a guy wasting millions chasing a job he'll never get]

Warren: (raises hand) Trump is bad!

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Drugs? Black people?

Mayor Pete: Drugs should be legal. I like black people. IHeart4/20.com

Corporate Moderator: Mayor Pete. You're looking super cute tonight.

Mayor Pete: I AM super cute. Vote for me! CutestMayorEver.com

Corporate Moderator: This is a question for everyone. Is it bad that mad sexy Mayor Pete has 40 million billionaires supporting him, or does that just make him even sexier?

Warren: I was a special ed teacher! IWouldNeverLieToYou.com

Bernie: It's bad. Very ba--

Corporate Moderator: That's all the time we have. Closing remarks coming up after these commercials.

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Time for closing remarks. Asian guy with no tie first.

Andy Yang: [Remarkably lucid comments about the coming automation tsunami no one else is talking about]

The other six: Vote for me! No ME!! No--ME!!! (etc.)

Corporate Moderator: For ABC News - owned by Mickey Mouse - that's tonight's Friday Night Smackdown. I mean, debate. Don't forget to vote for Mayor Pete - it's what a Disney Princess/Sebastian the Crab would do!

 

[HumblePi]

Corporate Moderator: Mayor Pete, you so sexy. (applause) Some guy on the internet says "Bernie's a filthy communist!" Do you agree, or is Bernie a perverted creep?

Bernie: Excuse me--

Mayor Pete: Vote for me! SexyPete @ Democrat.com

Bernie: Excu--

Corporate Moderator: Moving on... Mayor Pete, you're a veteran. The ONLY veteran. As the ONLY veteran, would you have droned that general?

Mayor Pete: I AM a veteran. And I would/not have droned that guy. Vote for me! MayorPete @ SexyBack.com

Corporate Moderator: Amy Klobuchar. What do you think about Mayor Pete? Sexy or super-sexy?

AmyK: What? My father worked in the mines and had 9 brothers. Imma working class. Vote for me. AmyKanDo.com

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Uncle Joe. Oh sorry - Uncle Bernie. Bernie, you've been called the greatest danger to America since Hitler. By my uncle. Do you agree, or see yourself more as a Mussolini type?

Bernie: Excuse m--

Corporate Moderator: Times up, Komrade Bernie. Andrew Yang. How are you still in this?

Andy Yang: [Sane reply despite insane questions/circumstances]

Joe Biden: I'd like to, um, look. Answer? Look--I was there. I invited China. They were there because look!

Corporate Moderator: Moving on... Mr. Steyer. How rich are you?

Steyer: [relatively sane response for a guy wasting millions chasing a job he'll never get]

Warren: (raises hand) Trump is bad!

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Drugs? Black people?

Mayor Pete: Drugs should be legal. I like black people. IHeart4/20.com

Corporate Moderator: Mayor Pete. You're looking super cute tonight.

Mayor Pete: I AM super cute. Vote for me! CutestMayorEver.com

Corporate Moderator: This is a question for everyone. Is it bad that mad sexy Mayor Pete has 40 million billionaires supporting him, or does that just make him even sexier?

Warren: I was a special ed teacher! IWouldNeverLieToYou.com

Bernie: It's bad. Very ba--

Corporate Moderator: That's all the time we have. Closing remarks coming up after these commercials.

(Lots of commercials)

Corporate Moderator: Time for closing remarks. Asian guy with no tie first.

Andy Yang: [Remarkably lucid comments about the coming automation tsunami no one else is talking about]

The other six: Vote for me! No ME!! No--ME!!! (etc.)

Corporate Moderator: For ABC News - owned by Mickey Mouse - that's tonight's Friday Night Smackdown. I mean, debate. Don't forget to vote for Mayor Pete - it's what a Disney Princess/Sebastian the Crab would do!

You win the forum prize for the longest semi-sane with a great deal of sociopath-leaning rants I've ever read here. Seriously, you're over the edge and need some therapy. The solution is quite simple really, if it disturbs you to such great depths to watch any of the democratic debates, then why do you watch any of them? It's funny, because you mock Greta Thunberg at every turn but it's you that's displaying signs of mental disturbances.

 

[Craig234]

You win the forum prize for the longest semi-sane with a great deal of sociopath-leaning rants I've ever read here. Seriously, you're over the edge and need some therapy. The solution is quite simple really, if it disturbs you to such great depths to watch any of the democratic debates, then why do you watch any of them? It's funny, because you mock Greta Thunberg at every turn but it's you that's displaying signs of mental disturbances.

I can't comment on him more generally, but scanning what you quoted, it's very on point.

The moderators were massively anti-Bernie, and I like the satire of it, which is barely satire. 'Hillary Clinton (who CARES) said no one likes Bernie and he doesn't get anything done. Would each of you comment?' To their credit, the candidates did not take the bait.

 

[HumblePi]

I can't comment on him more generally, but scanning what you quoted, it's very on point.

The moderators were massively anti-Bernie, and I like the satire of it, which is barely satire. 'Hillary Clinton (who CARES) said no one likes Bernie and he doesn't get anything done. Would each of you comment?' To their credit, the candidates did not take the bait.

I didn't watch the debates, I was enthralled with 3leftsdoo description of it though.

 

[Metric Mouse]

It's always tough when people mistake satire for something it's not.