Trying to plan a perfect life

[ataraxia]

The best life requires a lot of planning and consideration. But something to remember as you plan out all those things you want in life: we all want more than one thing- family, career success, time for friends and hobbies, just some down time ot alone time to relax for the weekend or have time for vacations, etc… We have this vision of all these things as pieces of a giant prefabricated jigsaw puzzle that we are sure must all somehow fit together perfectly, and it’s just up to us to be smart enough to figure out the perfect way they must all fit together to create the perfect, harmonious whole- only if we were smart enough, or hard-working enough, or planned enough, etc…

But who guaranteed this was a perfect puzzle? What if there is no perfect way all these pieces come together, only better and worse ways? What if there is no perfect life, only better and worse ones, which require constant compromise and juggling of competing interests and demands, all equally important and legitimate, and yet mutually exclusive and contradictory? A gain in one will necessarily mean an irreparable loss in the other: for example, you may very well lose that big promotion or contract at work if you make the time to go to your little daughter’s first school play- but you bite the bullet and do it anyway, because that opportunity will never again come around ever- and it will be a memory forever you will share with her.

I remember a successful guy, who I thought had it all, once tell me that the secret to life is to think of yourself as a juggler: you only have two hands, so if you want to be playing with more than two balls, some of them always have to be up in the air- and you always have to be paying attention to the one coming down.

The people who get in the most trouble are those who think the answer is only ONE thing: focus on career, or family, etc… with single minded obsession, and to sacrifice everything else in its path. But that way lies extremism and radicalism: being unaccomplished in your career, or turning into a workaholic, or a lazy bum, etc…

I know this may not be a perfect answer for those who think we can have it all in an uncompromised fashion- only if we are smart enough, ot work hard enough, etc… . But we can’t, and just that realization by itself may be therapeutic. But just because we can’t put together a perfect jigsaw puzzle does not mean we can’t do it in better or worse ways, smarter and dumber ways. Just move your expectation of yourself down a notch from perfection.

So don’t dismay. Think and plan hard. Work hard. But also don’t ask of yourself perfection. We humans and the world we live in were not designed for that. That will just create disappointment.

if you get a chance and like reading philosophy, read philosopher Isaiah Berlin’s essay “The Pursuit of the Ideal”.

 

[ataraxia]

Some quotes from Isaiah Berlin:

“True pluralism... is much more tough-minded and intellectually bold: it rejects the view that all conflicts of values can be finally resolved by a neat and tidy synthesis, and by which all desirable goals may be reconciled. It recognises that human nature generates values which, though equally sacred, equally ultimate, exclude one another, without there being any possibility of establishing an objective hierarchical relation or resolution among them. Moral conduct may therefore involve making agonising choices, without the help of universal criteria, between frequently irreconcilable, but equally desirable, values.”
-Isaiah Berlin

“If you are truly convinced that there is some solution to all human problems, that one can conceive an ideal society which men can reach if only they do what is necessary to attain it, then you and your followers must believe that no price can be too high to pay in order to open the gates of such a paradise. Only the stupid and malevolent will resist once certain simple truths are put to them. Those who resist must be persuaded; if they cannot be persuaded, laws must be passed to restrain them; if that does not work, then coercion, if need be violence, will inevitably have to be used—if necessary, terror, slaughter.”
― Isaiah Berlin

"Liberty and equality, spontaneity and security, happiness and knowledge, mercy and justice - all these are ultimate human values, sought for themselves alone; yet when they are incompatible, they cannot all be attained, choices must be made, sometimes tragic losses accepted in the pursuit of some preferred ultimate end."

"If, as I believe, the ends of men are many, and not all of them are in principle compatible with each other, then the possibility of conflict—and of tragedy—can never wholly be eliminated from human life, either personal or social. The necessity of choosing between absolute claims is then an inescapable characteristic of the human condition. This gives its value to freedom as Acton conceived of it—as an end in itself, and not as a temporary need, arising out of our confused notions and irrational and disordered lives, a predicament which a panacea could one day put right."
_Isaiah Berlin

 

[Lovebug]

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Phillipians 4: 12

 

[ataraxia]

Incidentally, I also think this philosophy and mindset will help resolve many of those interminable conflicts of values, ideals, and goals we have in society as well (which are so often debated interminably on these threads): freedom vs security, capitalism vs socialism, etc…

What if there are no perfect answers to these questions, only better and worse ones?

 

[ataraxia]

“Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing was ever made”.
-Immanuel Kant