You have a lot of silly generalizations. I wasn't like that in my 20s either. I don't know many women who were/are like that.
No, guys do not do that. As a general rule guys do not want women who have better careers or who make more money than them. In fact for me it is a turn off. I want to have a family. A woman who is established in a professional career is not going to go on leave for years to take care of children. I can always work more overtime to cover Lost wages. I would like to have children and to know they’re not being raised in daycareThere is a huge difference between what women in their twenties want from men compared to the ones hitting 30. I can't even count the number of females I know who ditched the guy they were hot for at 25 the minute they turned 30. By 31, they are up to their elbows in a relationship with a guy holding a steady job, Some women figure it out a bit earlier, like by 25, but they are few.
At 23, I got ditched by one of the girls mentioned in my post above when she turned 26. Her exact words to me were that she didn't have time for my games anymore. Good call on her part; she hooked up with a dude who was 36 and then, "formed an advertising agency in Chicago with the guy she married and now lives on the Gulf Shore in a $5M home somewhere south of Tampa."
Guys kind of do that in reverse. At 20-30, depending on their own maturity level, they want the more established female, a professional who has her shit together and maybe even owns a house already. But, at age-40, they suddenly want some ditz that stands out in a crowd. By 50, they realize that hooking up with the eye-candy was a mistake but learn to live with the consequences, since divorce now is too expensive. So, even if she's boinking the tennis coach, the guy looks the other way.
Her exact words to me were that she didn't have time for my games anymore.
I think many of "nice guys" who get rejected a lot are the "too nice" guys. The "too nice" guys are pushovers. I'm not attracted to men who can't make decisions, won't stand up for themselves, are massive mama's boys, etc. They are some of the most unattractive men to me. I'm very attracted to nice guys who are confident, will stand up for themselves and me (when needed) and can take charge and make decisions.
lol...the thread sort of calls for generalizations. I know I fit into some box.
Young and successful, I married the Frenchie who looked like a young Rebecca De Mornay. Of course, that lasted about as long as a tall drink on a hot day. She married twice more and finally landed the music producer. I married twice more and landed someone ten years younger than me and struggled mightily to keep that from blowing up, especially back in 2010 or so, when we separated during her mid-life crisis and my phase of doing blow and banging strippers. Ten years later, we laugh about those times...sort of.
I am not at all codependent. I am very independent. My husband likes that I can take care of myself and do not depend in him for everything. We have a healthy balance. Our relationship is based on trust and support, not dependency.
As for narcissists, I have ended all contact with plenty of them. There is nothing intriguing under the surface. They are just insecure and controlling.
Codependency can be healthy. In 2014, my wife got sick. Suddenly, I had to become reliable. It was an eye-opening experience, let me say. I still recall people telling me I should ditch my sick wife. I was like, "No ****ing way!"I am not at all codependent. I am very independent. My husband likes that I can take care of myself and do not depend in him for everything. We have a healthy balance. Our relationship is based on trust and support, not dependency.
As for narcissists, I have ended all contact with plenty of them. There is nothing intriguing under the surface. They are just insecure and controlling.
Man you hang out with some pretty reprehensible people.Codependency can be healthy. In 2014, my wife got sick. Suddenly, I had to become reliable. It was an eye-opening experience, let me say. I still recall people telling me I should ditch my sick wife. I was like, "No ****ing way!"
I went from carefree, got the world by the balls to "Holy crap! There really is such a thing as a 'Black Swan.'" Due to the new demands, I've kept my shit together ever since. So, in a way, the worst thing that ever happened to her was the best thing to happen to me.
lol...these were relatives.Man you hang out with some pretty reprehensible people.
Some of the people you view as push overs might actually be covertly abusive people, manipulative, and far from being push overs. I have seen plenty of men like that. They are ones who will sit down and literally cry about their victimization, but in reality, they are abusive and coercive.I think many of "nice guys" who get rejected a lot are the "too nice" guys. The "too nice" guys are pushovers. I'm not attracted to men who can't make decisions, won't stand up for themselves, are massive mama's boys, etc. They are some of the most unattractive men to me. I'm very attracted to nice guys who are confident, will stand up for themselves and me (when needed) and can take charge and make decisions.
So if you are a nice guy and you keep being rejected by women, have some introspection and not immediately assume she wants you to be a jerk to her. Maybe she just wants you to have some more confidence.
One day he said something and I typed "mmmhm". He was confused and didn't know what that meant. I also said the word "atwitter" once and he didn't know what that was either. We were talking about some deep topic one time and he stopped in the middle and said "You're really smart." Actually I'm pretty average intelligence -- he was just really dumb.
I fairness you were texting in what was a second language for him . If you had been chatting in English it might have been more reasonable .
And when he apparently complimented you , it might be that he was actually much the smarter .Perhaps he knew that mild flattery and bland nonsense often successfully deflects from someone tedious .
I fairness you were texting in what was a second language for him . If you had been chatting in English it might have been more reasonable .
And when he apparently complimented you , it might be that he was actually much the smarter .Perhaps he knew that mild flattery and bland nonsense often successfully deflects from someone tedious .
women date up and marry down
men date down and marry up
all psychology is generalizations
it has to be
or it wouldnt exist
For the most part it's a learning curve. In the West, we live in an age when "dating" dozens of people before settling down is common. We also choose our mates, rather then having them chosen for us. So, of course, we make mistakes. And, learning how to treat others does not exactly come natural...at least, not for everyone.Some of the people you view as push overs might actually be covertly abusive people, manipulative, and far from being push overs. I have seen plenty of men like that. They are ones who will sit down and literally cry about their victimization, but in reality, they are abusive and coercive.
The nice guy/bad guy discussion has always bothered me. Bad guys seem to think the way to a woman’s heart is playing games. I would never tolerate that. I don’t like being manipulated. I also prefer direct communication. People who play games don’t communicate honestly.
There are guys who consider themselves nice, playing the same games I associate with bad guys. They just think they are nice.
I agree that the best guy is an actual nice, non abusive guy with real confidence, no manipulation and no games.
As a graduate and post graduate in Psychology , I can guarantee you that is 100% mistaken .
The real thing is far more precise and geared to individuals in all their many complex aspects .
For someone who is supposedly "all-knowing" .....
As a post graduate in psychology you can guarantee exactly nothing. Psychology is it entirely made up field based off of fraud and various forms of non-ethical “research”As a graduate and post graduate in Psychology , I can guarantee you that is 100% mistaken .
At a popular level , I suspect you are thinking more of Psychiatry where the comment is easier to understand where imaginary 'work' is only shown on TV , not so brilliant films and in pulp literature .
The real thing is far more precise and geared to individuals in all their many complex aspects .
I can't believe that I missed this thread!!I went out with a guy a few times. We would also text back and forth during the day. One day he said something and I typed "mmmhm". He was confused and didn't know what that meant. I also said the word "atwitter" once and he didn't know what that was either. We were talking about some deep topic one time and he stopped in the middle and said "You're really smart." Actually I'm pretty average intelligence -- he was just really dumb.
I can't believe that I missed this thread!!
While living in Las Vegas I dated a lovely woman from New Jersey for a year or so. She had a good heart....OK...it was all about other attributes. Anyway, my brother had just taken a job in Albuquerque and I was telling her that I was going to drive out to see him. She asked where Albuquerque was and I told her "New Mexico". She pondered for a couple of seconds and then asked, "Why do you call it 'New' Mexico? Mexico is just Mexico".
My first real love wasn't dumb(she later went on to get her masters) but she could be incredibly ditzy at times.I went out with a guy a few times. We would also text back and forth during the day. One day he said something and I typed "mmmhm". He was confused and didn't know what that meant. I also said the word "atwitter" once and he didn't know what that was either. We were talking about some deep topic one time and he stopped in the middle and said "You're really smart." Actually I'm pretty average intelligence -- he was just really dumb.
I've stopped dating completely. Maybe I'll start seeing escorts or go to Japan and pick up one of those AI sex dolls.I went out with a guy a few times. We would also text back and forth during the day. One day he said something and I typed "mmmhm". He was confused and didn't know what that meant. I also said the word "atwitter" once and he didn't know what that was either. We were talking about some deep topic one time and he stopped in the middle and said "You're really smart." Actually I'm pretty average intelligence -- he was just really dumb.
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