Philosophy Jokes

[craig]

Let's create or repeat jokes related to philosophy. For fun and entertainment. Don't put too much shade on any theory, NOT.

You and I are not "Philosophical Zombies" but sometimes I am not so sure about you.

I think therefore I drink lots of beer. It is not all about the survival instinct.

I will be a dualist till I die and maybe after.

Free will does not exist. My wife told me to stay home tonight.

 

[Emily L]

Since Confucius was a philosopher, do Confucius jokes qualify?

"Confucius say, many man smoke, but Fu Manchu."

Is that okay?

 

[craig]

Since Confucius was a philosopher, do Confucius jokes qualify?

"Confucius say, many man smoke, but Fu Manchu."

Is that okay?

Sure.

 

[Grand Mal]

Let's create or repeat jokes related to philosophy. For fun and entertainment. Don't put too much shade on any theory, NOT.

You and I are not "Philosophical Zombies" but sometimes I am not so sure about you.

I think therefore I drink lots of beer. It is not all about the survival instinct.

I will be a dualist till I die and maybe after.

Free will does not exist. My wife told me to stay home tonight.

Renews Descartes is flying on an airplane. The stewardess comes up and asks, "Excuse me sir, would you like some coffee or tea?" Renews pauses, says, "I think not." and POOF! He disappeared.

 

[craig]

Let's create or repeat jokes related to philosophy. For fun and entertainment. Don't put too much shade on any theory, NOT.

You and I are not "Philosophical Zombies" but sometimes I am not so sure about you.

I think therefore I drink lots of beer. It is not all about the survival instinct.

I will be a dualist till I die and maybe after.

Free will does not exist. My wife told me to stay home tonight.

Sometime ago at a psychiatric Institution, a surgeon botched a lobotomy on a patient and left him a slobbering idiot. He says to the nurse "I think that proves the mind and the body are one thing. The surgeon suddenly collapses and dies from a heart attack. The nurse says "I think that proves there is a God".

 

[RAMOSS]

Of course, then there was the Zen Buddhist who went to the hot dog vendor ,and said 'Make me one with everything'

 

[craig]

Let's create or repeat jokes related to philosophy. For fun and entertainment. Don't put too much shade on any theory, NOT.

You and I are not "Philosophical Zombies" but sometimes I am not so sure about you.

I think therefore I drink lots of beer. It is not all about the survival instinct.

I will be a dualist till I die and maybe after.

Free will does not exist. My wife told me to stay home tonight.

I looked into his eyes and saw that spark of sentience that separates us from the animals. Then he says to me "Hey man, you got a light? The bowls out."

 

[Grand Mal]

Renews Descartes is flying on an airplane. The stewardess comes up and asks, "Excuse me sir, would you like some coffee or tea?" Renews pauses, says, "I think not." and POOF! He disappeared.

Sorry. The automatic spelling correction changed Renes to Renews. It requires constant vigilance.

 

[RAMOSS]

Sorry. The automatic spelling correction changed Renes to Renews. It requires constant vigilance.

The worse piece of autocorrect I had was when I was expecting someone to potentially be in the state for a friends wedding after not seeing them for a number of years. The autocorrect changed the text to her to 'Are you cumming? I managed to see that in time before sending.

 

[craig]

The worse piece of autocorrect I had was when I was expecting someone to potentially be in the state for a friends wedding after not seeing them for a number of years. The autocorrect changed the text to her to 'Are you cumming? I managed to see that in time before sending.

You do know that the spelling dictionaries are extended for each individual based on the text he has accessed? Just kidding!!!

 

[NWRatCon]

I once made the mistake of asking Erwin Schrödinger to watch my cat while I was on vacation...

 

[NWRatCon]

And, ladies, never take Heisenberg on a date. You'll never decide on a restaurant, and forget about after-dinner sex...

Spoiler

... when he's in position, he's got no momentum

 

[Evilroddy]

Three men walk into a bar; or do they?

 

[Evilroddy]

If you protest the force of gravity by publicly holding up a sign which says,"Down With Gravity", are you a rebel or a conformist?

 

[Evilroddy]

Nihilism means nothing to me!

 

[Evilroddy]

A curious man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The cagey librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I cannot know whether it’s there or not”.

 

[Evilroddy]

I once made the mistake of asking Erwin Schrödinger to watch my cat while I was on vacation...

... he returned two of them but both were blurry and in a pitiful state.

 

[craig]

The chemistry student purposely disregarded the lab manual and added a different component to the experiment. It promptly foamed all over and made an awful stink. The teacher came over and said "if you always use the correct components and follow the instructions, the results will always be the same." The student said "What fun would that be?"

 

[Evilroddy]

Is it getting solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

 

[Evilroddy]

I try to follow categorical imperatives, but I just Kan't!

 

[Evilroddy]

Is a monster of lochness an Aristotelian construct about what a lake creature should be?

 

[NWRatCon]

I try to follow categorical imperatives, but I just Kan't!

I'm having conflicting feelings about the material of your posts, my friend, but they are leaving Marx.

 

[NWRatCon]

I readily confess that I stole this, but I think it is perfect as a counter to Rene Descartes:

Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"
Sartre replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".
Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream -- how about with no milk?"

 

[NWRatCon]

I don't like to go to swap meets because I have an aversion to Hegeling.

 

[ASHES]

I told my daughter "great minds think alike" the other day when we both said the same thing at once. She responded, "prove it."

No joke, I just think she's going places.