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Philosophy Jokes

I don't like to go to swap meets because I have an aversion to Hegeling.

MWRatCon:

Please kill me now, before I have to endure such cruel and unusual punishment! Good pun, but what pun is truely good? That is not a philosophical question. It's rhetorical and born out of anguish.

Well done, sir.
Evilroddy.
 
MWRatCon:

Please kill me now, before I have to endure such cruel and unusual punishment! Good pun, but what pun is truely good? That is not a philosophical question. It's rhetorical and born out of anguish.

Well done, sir.
Evilroddy.
I have always considered puns the highest form of humor. It's a personality defect. But, Shakespeare agreed.
 
I have always considered puns the highest form of humor. It's a personality defect. But, Shakespeare agreed.

NWRatCon:

So, you have a pro-puncity for punditry, I see.

I feel so dirty!

Cheers and pun well.
Evilroddy.
 
I've heard that some actors, when playing particularly intellectual parts, will turn to a dialectical coach. (The Bard made me do it.)
 
Aggrippa famous philosophers decided to Thoreau a pot Locke at their Bachelard pad. Bertrand Russelled up some steaks, seasoned with just Sartre and Popper, but Adam Smith went to the market to Hegel with the merchants. John and Stuart Milled around. But everyone got a Plato food. They had Lenin chicken, Montaignes of Rousseau potatoes, corn on the Hobbes and a Pascal of buttered Rawls. An Epicurus delight. They ate until they Kant eat More, and were completely Saded.
 
Sorry. The automatic spelling correction changed Renes to Renews. It requires constant vigilance.
At first everyone was laughing at you for misspelling Descartes' name. Now they are laughing at you because you use a spellchecker that cannot spell René.
 
At first everyone was laughing at you for misspelling Descartes' name. Now they are laughing at you because you use a spellchecker that cannot spell René.
Isn't anyone laughing because Renes thought not therefore he wasn't? Not as good a joke as I thought, I guess.
The spellchecker is built in to this device. If I knew the first damned thing about tech I could probably disable it but...
 
Isn't anyone laughing because Renes thought not therefore he wasn't? Not as good a joke as I thought, I guess.
The spellchecker is built in to this device. If I knew the first damned thing about tech I could probably disable it but...
I've heard it said that being unable to spell is a sign of intelligence. The person who told me could not spell right to save his life.
 
I've heard it said that being unable to spell is a sign of intelligence. The person who told me could not spell right to save his life.
I don't agree. If I could lose the spellchecker I would. Especially since I tend to write in a conversational style and often butt heads with the obnoxious application. In my experience people who have trouble with spelling either learned English later in life or they don't read much.
But if the spellchecker is the most annoying thing that happens to me today (and it often is) then I live a pretty good life and should suck it up and quit complaining.
 
Isn't anyone laughing because Renes thought not therefore he wasn't? Not as good a joke as I thought, I guess.
The spellchecker is built in to this device. If I knew the first damned thing about tech I could probably disable it but...
it is a fine joke.
 
I've heard it said that being unable to spell is a sign of intelligence. The person who told me could not spell right to save his life.
But could they spiel rites?
 
Let's create or repeat jokes related to philosophy. For fun and entertainment. Don't put too much shade on any theory, NOT.

You and I are not "Philosophical Zombies" but sometimes I am not so sure about you.

I think therefore I drink lots of beer. It is not all about the survival instinct.

I will be a dualist till I die and maybe after.

Free will does not exist. My wife told me to stay home tonight.
GEORG CANTOR (1845-1918)
I love that huge class of all classes,
The class that none other surpasses.
“But wait! Larger we’ll get
With this set’s power set,”
Said Cantor, the king of wiseasses.
Samuel C. Rickless
 
GEORG CANTOR (1845-1918)
I love that huge class of all classes,
The class that none other surpasses.
“But wait! Larger we’ll get
With this set’s power set,”
Said Cantor, the king of wiseasses.
Samuel C. Rickless
A History of Western Philosophy
in 108 Limericks - Samuel C. Rickless

Check it out.
 
Safety tips for freshmen at university:

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

Cheers and be well.
Evilroddy.
 
How many true Marxists does it take to screw in a new light bulb?
None. Every light bulb contains within itself the seeds of its own revolution!

Cheers and be well.
Evilroddy.
 
How many true Marxists does it take to screw in a new light bulb?
None. Every light bulb contains within itself the seeds of its own revolution!

Cheers and be well.
Evilroddy.
This must be a reference to some Marxian principle but it's lost on me. Sorry, this is not a joke, I really am confused with the seeds in a new light bulb. Would that joke (which I don't get) work with an old light bulb that was still in working order or did the reference to its newness matter, I wonder.
 
This must be a reference to some Marxian principle but it's lost on me. Sorry, this is not a joke, I really am confused with the seeds in a new light bulb. Would that joke (which I don't get) work with an old light bulb that was still in working order or did the reference to its newness matter, I wonder.

Jean-S:

Folks don't usually screw in old light bulbs when replacing dysfunctional ones, but no, the new-ness is not central to the joke. The joke stems from the analysis of capitalism's predicted self-destruction as described in the Communist Manifesto.

Cheers and be well.
Evilroddy.
 
Jean-S:

Folks don't usually screw in old light bulbs when replacing dysfunctional ones, but no, the new-ness is not central to the joke. The joke stems from the analysis of capitalism's predicted self-destruction as described in the Communist Manifesto.

Cheers and be well.
Evilroddy.
Yes, I get it now. Oh! My landlord screwed in an old light bulb when my reading lamp blew on me about a month ago. He took it from my bedroom. Well, this is not a joke either. Let's see. Philosophy. Philosophy. ... How many teenage philosophy students does it take to screw in a light bulb (new or used)? The answer is 1 ... but you have to ask him 100 times.

images
 
A History of Western Philosophy
in 108 Limericks - Samuel C. Rickless

Check it out.
Two of my favorite topics: Philosophy and limericks. How could I not?
 
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"

"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."
 
This guy calls up the receptionist at the philosophy department of the local university and wants to urgently speak with one of the faculty there. He asks quickly "Hey, is Bob there? I really need to speak to him right now".

The receptionist pauses for a moment, then replies thoughtfully with "Well it depends on what you mean by the word "is". Because, after all, what does it really mean "to be"? And who is "Bob" after all, really? Does it even make sense to speak of such things as individuals, or is it all just a social construct? And why do you want to "speak"? Because language is so slippery..."

(click).... the guy hangs up...
 
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The worse piece of autocorrect I had was when I was expecting someone to potentially be in the state for a friends wedding after not seeing them for a number of years. The autocorrect changed the text to her to 'Are you cumming? I managed to see that in time before sending.

I saw a T-shirt once that said "this message was created by voice wreck ignition software".
 
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