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On the lighter side

APACHERAT

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In 1944 the island hopping campaign brought American forces into the Marshall and Mariana groups. Marines fought against bitter resistance on Roi-Namur, Saipan, Tinian, Guam, and on other islands. Each of these locales presented unique challenges, but they were uniformly hot and humid with steep, jungle-clad hills. Now Marines not only had to cope with the tropical wilderness, but also fighting in towns. Robert Leckie recorded the following pre-invasion briefing in his book "Strong Men Armed -The United States Marines Against Japan":

"Saipan did not look appealing, and it sounded specially repugnant to those men of the 4th Division who listened to their battalion surgeon explain some of the island's other defects.

"In the surf," he said with solemn relish, "beware of sharks, barracuda, sea snakes, anemones, razor-sharp coral, polluted waters, poison fish and giant clams that shut on a man like a bear trap." "Ashore," he went on with rising enthusiasm, "There is leprosy, typhus, filiarisis, yaws, typhoid, dengue fever, dysentery, saber grass, hordes of flies, snakes and giant lizards." He paused, winded, but rushed on: "Eat nothing growing on the island, don't drink its waters, and don't approach its inhabitants." He stopped, smiled benignly and inquired, "Any questions?"

A private's hand shot up.

"Yes?"

"Sir, the private asked, "Why'n hell don't we let the Japs keep the island ?"

The Pacific Battleground and the World War II Marine
 

Lord of Planar

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I couldn't help but laugh hard. However, privates aren't expected to understand strategic importance either.
 

Beaudreaux

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Here's a few:

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
George Wallace

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
David Friedman

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte

And Murphy's Law for Combat Operations:

A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Recoilless rifles -- aren't.
Neutral countries -- aren't.
Suppressive fire -- won't.
Friendly fire -- isn't.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
When you are forward of your position, the artillery will always be short.
When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be long.
Try to look unimportant -- the enemy may be low on ammo.
Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.
Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
Teamwork is essential -- it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.
Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
If your attack is going really well, you're in an ambush.
The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
If you're short of everything except the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When in doubt -- empty your magazine.
If both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Once you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
There's always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
If the enemy is within range so are you.
Tracers work both ways.
In war, important things are simple and simple things are very hard.
If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.
Communications will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support .
Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Weather ain't neutral.
Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If you can't remember -- the claymore is pointed toward you.
All five second fuses are three seconds.
Military Intelligence can be a contradiction in terms.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
No OPLAN survives the first enemy contact.
Sniper's motto: "Reach out and touch someone."
B-52's are the ultimate in close air support.
Peace is our profession -- mass casualties are just a hobby.
Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity.
Professionals are predictable but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.
It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" that you should be worried about.
Mines are an equal opportunity weapon.
Smart bombs have bad days too.
Remember that napalm is an area weapon.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer for anything.
Anything you do can get you shot-- including doing nothing.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

And my favorite... A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. (I was one of the lucky ones myself)
 
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greyhat

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Funny!

I like: "better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six."
 

Spriggs05

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Here's a few:

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
George Wallace

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
David Friedman

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte

And Murphy's Law for Combat Operations:

A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Recoilless rifles -- aren't.
Neutral countries -- aren't.
Suppressive fire -- won't.
Friendly fire -- isn't.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
When you are forward of your position, the artillery will always be short.
When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be long.
Try to look unimportant -- the enemy may be low on ammo.
Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.
Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
Teamwork is essential -- it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.
Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
If your attack is going really well, you're in an ambush.
The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
If you're short of everything except the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When in doubt -- empty your magazine.
If both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Once you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
There's always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
If the enemy is within range so are you.
Tracers work both ways.
In war, important things are simple and simple things are very hard.
If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.
Communications will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support .
Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Weather ain't neutral.
Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If you can't remember -- the claymore is pointed toward you.
All five second fuses are three seconds.
Military Intelligence can be a contradiction in terms.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
No OPLAN survives the first enemy contact.
Sniper's motto: "Reach out and touch someone."
B-52's are the ultimate in close air support.
Peace is our profession -- mass casualties are just a hobby.
Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity.
Professionals are predictable but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.
It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" that you should be worried about.
Mines are an equal opportunity weapon.
Smart bombs have bad days too.
Remember that napalm is an area weapon.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer for anything.
Anything you do can get you shot-- including doing nothing.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

And my favorite... A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. (I was one of the lucky ones myself)
:lamo
Those are brilliant, here's some more:

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General

Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives
Don't tell mom I'm a pilot in the air force, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn

"Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum" (Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.)
"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam." (I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head)

Instruction on side of U. S. Rocket Launcher: "Aim Toward Enemy."
"If it's stupid, but works; it isn't stupid."
 

notquiteright

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Instruction on side of U. S. Rocket Launcher: "Aim Toward Enemy."
I do believe you are speaking 'ill' of my beloved LAW rocket. That was one of a series of instructions which also included pictures (supposedly for our non english speaking allies but you know what the REMFs thought)

There was a very good reason to include that bit of advice back in my day, you point the LAW downrange at all times during deployment, it had a nasty tendency to fire on it's own as you rapidly extended the two halves of the carrier/firing tube. Bit of a nasty if it is pointed directly at or away from you.

My equally beloved claymore directional mine had some sage words as well- "FRONT TOWARD THE ENEMY" in raised letters on the face. That was so we could tell the front by rubbing across the face on night time patrols. (nevermind the curvature of the mine body was a dead giveaway. fits your chest, it is facing the correct way to deploy.) Far more important was a white dot on the back so you can tell in the early morning gloom which way the mine is facing. (sucks if Sir Charles had some white paint of his own)
 

APACHERAT

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I do believe you are speaking 'ill' of my beloved LAW rocket. That was one of a series of instructions which also included pictures (supposedly for our non english speaking allies but you know what the REMFs thought)

There was a very good reason to include that bit of advice back in my day, you point the LAW downrange at all times during deployment, it had a nasty tendency to fire on it's own as you rapidly extended the two halves of the carrier/firing tube. Bit of a nasty if it is pointed directly at or away from you.

My equally beloved claymore directional mine had some sage words as well- "FRONT TOWARD THE ENEMY" in raised letters on the face. That was so we could tell the front by rubbing across the face on night time patrols. (nevermind the curvature of the mine body was a dead giveaway. fits your chest, it is facing the correct way to deploy.) Far more important was a white dot on the back so you can tell in the early morning gloom which way the mine is facing. (sucks if Sir Charles had some white paint of his own)
The good old M-72 LAW, another Cold War/Vietnam War weapons system designed to take out Soviet tanks but found to be better for other things. As usual things that are dumb and stupid usually work. The usual people called the LAW an obsolete Cold War weapons platform. Those people over the past couple of decades have always proven themselves to be stupid people.

Thirty years after Vietnam what do we see ?

>"Although generally thought of as a Vietnam War era weapon which has been superseded by more powerful AT4, the M72 LAW has found a new lease of life in the ongoing (2006) operations in Iraq by the US Army, the US Marine Corps and Canadian Army in Afghanistan. The lower cost and lighter weight of the LAW, combined with a lack of modern heavy armored targets and the need for an individual assault vs an individual antiarmor weapon, make it ideal for the type of urban combat seen in Iraq and mountain warfare seen in Afghanistan today. In addition, a soldier can only carry one AT4 a mission, but with the LAW he can carry two."< M72 LAW - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

beerftw

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:lamo


"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General

."
most true statement about the us army
 

Oozlefinch

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The funny thing is, I saw something very similar between a 2nd Lieutenant and a First Sergeant. Needless to say, it did not end well - for the Lieutenant.
 
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