Non-marital sex

[Good4Nothin]

I have been wondering what is "normal" for people who are single later in life, because of death or divorce, or whatever. What is the average length of time people see each other before getting intimate?

I realize there isn't one definite number, and it depends on the person, etc., etc. I am just looking for very general vague indications.

I only had 2 romantic relationships in my life, the most recent one lasted over 30 years, and he died a couple of years ago. So now I am not at all sure what is normal when you're single.

I have been told that after 4 months of seeing each other it would be very strange to not have sex. I think people naturally want to test drive a car before buying it. But I want to know if the car is safe before test driving it.

 

[cpwill]

I have been wondering what is "normal" for people who are single later in life, because of death or divorce, or whatever. What is the average length of time people see each other before getting intimate?

I realize there isn't one definite number, and it depends on the person, etc., etc. I am just looking for very general vague indications.

I only had 2 romantic relationships in my life, the most recent one lasted over 30 years, and he died a couple of years ago. So now I am not at all sure what is normal when you're single.

I have been told that after 4 months of seeing each other it would be very strange to not have sex. I think people naturally want to test drive a car before buying it. But I want to know if the car is safe before test driving it.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you lost that - 30 years. That's a lot of your identity and life.

Secondly, I have to ask, if the program of having sex within marriage worked for 30 years, why would you change that program now? Because "other people tell you it's the thing to do?" Make the guy put a ring on it

 

[SDET]

I have been wondering what is "normal" for people who are single later in life, because of death or divorce, or whatever. What is the average length of time people see each other before getting intimate?

I realize there isn't one definite number, and it depends on the person, etc., etc. I am just looking for very general vague indications.

I only had 2 romantic relationships in my life, the most recent one lasted over 30 years, and he died a couple of years ago. So now I am not at all sure what is normal when you're single.

I have been told that after 4 months of seeing each other it would be very strange to not have sex. I think people naturally want to test drive a car before buying it. But I want to know if the car is safe before test driving it.

My rule was, including with my wife when I met her, "If you don't put out on the first date, there won't be a second." However, with Anglo populations I would presume that it's radically different.

The less you expect a man to spend on you, the less he will consider himself tricked if there is no sex. That means if you want to lower the pressure for sex, lower the amount of money and/of effort he spends on you. Being "low maintenance" is very attractive.

 

[Good4Nothin]

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you lost that - 30 years. That's a lot of your identity and life.

Secondly, I have to ask, if the program of having sex within marriage worked for 30 years, why would you change that program now? Because "other people tell you it's the thing to do?" Make the guy put a ring on it

But, as I said, I think he wants a test drive.

 

[Good4Nothin]

My rule was, including with my wife when I met her, "If you don't put out on the first date, there won't be a second." However, with Anglo populations I would presume that it's radically different.

:lamo really?

 

[SDET]

:lamo really?

There's two sides to that coin. It also means I'm expected to make the experience first-rate all at my expense. In hindsight, it's put pressure on me to earn a good living. The harder studying and harder work did me good.

 

[cpwill]

But, as I said, I think he wants a test drive.

So? You are not a thing to be tested and ridden. You are a worthy woman with an impressive and illustrious track record behind you. If he wants to play ball in a league where the standard so far is a 30 year marriage, he should be willing to recognize the value.

I mean, what - if the sex isn't great, is he planning on dumping you?

If the answer is yes, then I'd say you are worth far more than that.
If the answer is no, and he's just randy, well, I get that (I'm a guy. trust me - I get that), but I'd still say you are worth far more, and he can step up to the plate, rather than "testing you out" like you were a horse, a car, or just something else to ride.

 

[SDET]

But, as I said, I think he wants a test drive.

The flaw in that notion is that it doesn't demonstrate that you're low maintenance. If you do decide to give a test drive, make it as expensive as hell. Anything less than a $100 meal would mean that you're getting short changed.

 

[Good4Nothin]

The flaw in that notion is that it doesn't demonstrate that you're low maintenance. If you do decide to give a test drive, make it as expensive as hell. Anything less than a $100 meal would mean that you're getting short changed.

:mrgreen:

 

[SDET]

So? You are not a thing to be tested and ridden. You are a worthy woman with an impressive and illustrious track record behind you. If he wants to play ball in a league where the standard so far is a 30 year marriage, he should be willing to recognize the value.

I mean, what - if the sex isn't great, is he planning on dumping you?

If the answer is yes, then I'd say you are worth far more than that.
If the answer is no, and he's just randy, well, I get that, but I'd still say you are worth far more, and he can put a ring on you, rather than "testing you out" like you were a horse, a car, or just something else to ride.

If he's a smart man, he she be more concerned with her finances. An 800 credit score is way more attractive than an easy lay.

 

[btthegreat]

Ignore the rules of society. Do what you both want when you both want, but do it as safely as you can.

 

[Good4Nothin]

If he's a smart man, he she be more concerned with her finances. An 800 credit score is way more attractive than an easy lay.

And that goes both ways!

 

[Good4Nothin]

Ignore the rules of society. Do what you both want when you both want, but do it as safely as you can.

Well that brings up the other unpleasant question I had -- is there any way to say, politely, that I never caught an STD and I never want to?

 

[SDET]

Ignore the rules of society. Do what you both want when you both want, but do it as safely as you can.

The flaw in that premise is that there are things that can predict both negative and positive outcomes. Nobody wants to get hammered and blindsided.

 

[SDET]

Well that brings up the other unpleasant question I had -- is there any way to say, politely, that I never caught an STD and I never want to?

If you decided to make yourself available, expecting a lab test for STDs is a reasonable request. Even as a sexual madman, I consider that a reasonable request.

 

[ecofarm]

Well that brings up the other unpleasant question I had -- is there any way to say, politely, that I never caught an STD and I never want to?

Get tested together. It's a lot of pressure and requires mutual support. It's a relationship and medical test.

 

[Good4Nothin]

If you decided to make yourself available, expecting a lab test for STDs is a reasonable request. Even as a sexual madman, I consider that a reasonable request.

I don't want to insult him by asking. But I think I have good reasons to be afraid. I think I heard that over 90% of the population has herpes. Could that be true?

 

[Divine_Wind]

I have been wondering what is "normal" for people who are single later in life, because of death or divorce, or whatever. What is the average length of time people see each other before getting intimate?

I realize there isn't one definite number, and it depends on the person, etc., etc. I am just looking for very general vague indications.

I only had 2 romantic relationships in my life, the most recent one lasted over 30 years, and he died a couple of years ago. So now I am not at all sure what is normal when you're single.

I have been told that after 4 months of seeing each other it would be very strange to not have sex. I think people naturally want to test drive a car before buying it. But I want to know if the car is safe before test driving it.

Whatever feels right to you. Sorry for your loss. I met my wife when I was 54 and she was 53. I used the online dating website Plenty of Fish, but would recommend a pay site to women since about 2/3's of the guys on the free ones are just looking for sex. She'd been on about 200 lunch/coffee dates (date dates are not recommended. A simple meet and greet in a public area is best) and she was my first...although I did have a second date lined up.

The old dating rule for sex is Third Date....but that's from a woman's point of view. From a guy's point of view it's usually after the handshake. :mrgreen:

 

[SDET]

I don't want to insult him by asking. But I think I have good reasons to be afraid. I think I heard that over 90% of the population has herpes. Could that be true?

If you include cold sores, which are not really an STD, that's technically correct. As possibly the most shameless man on this forum, I will tell you something. For a man who wants to get laid, he will get tested quickly and with no complaints. However, if he gets and passes an STD test, then you chicken out, well that's Brazilians call "sacanagem" which basic means jerking someone around.

 

[ecofarm]

I don't want to insult him by asking. But I think I have good reasons to be afraid. I think I heard that over 90% of the population has herpes. Could that be true?

In today's world, it's not an insult. People expect to be tested together. It's the best way to settle the issue. No one wants to accidentally harm another.

 

[Divine_Wind]

I don't want to insult him by asking. But I think I have good reasons to be afraid. I think I heard that over 90% of the population has herpes. Could that be true?

That's not an insult. Always ask for mutual labs for unprotected sex. If you're serious about him and him you, he'd want the same. Protect yourself.

Statistics |
Herpes
Herpes infection is common. About 1 in 8 people aged 14-49 in the U.S. has genital herpes.

About 1 in 2 people ages 14-49 in the U.S. are infected with HSV-1, which is the typical cause of oral herpes. However, increasing numbers of genital herpes cases are caused by HSV-1.

Symptoms of genital herpes often go unnoticed. Most people with genital herpes—close to 90%—don’t know they have the infection.

Globally, researchers estimate that about two-thirds of the population under age 50—more than 3.7 billion people–are infected with HSV-1. Some 140 million people aged 15-49 are infected with genital HSV-1, primarily in the Americas, Europe and Western Pacific.

 

[Good4Nothin]

Whatever feels right to you. Sorry for your loss. I met my wife when I was 54 and she was 53. I used the online dating website Plenty of Fish, but would recommend a pay site to women since about 2/3's of the guys on the free ones are just looking for sex. She'd been on about 200 lunch/coffee dates (date dates are not recommended. A simple meet and greet in a public area is best) and she was my first...although I did have a second date lined up.

The old dating rule for sex is Third Date....but that's from a woman's point of view. From a guy's point of view it's usually after the handshake. :mrgreen:

Wow, third date?? I kept this poor guy waiting 4 months. He is very frustrated and disappointed.

 

[Good4Nothin]

If you include cold sores, which are not really an STD, that's technically correct. As possibly the most shameless man on this forum, I will tell you something. For a man who wants to get laid, he will get tested quickly and with no complaints. However, if he gets and passes an STD test, then you chicken out, well that's Brazilians call "sacanagem" which basic means jerking someone around.

If he just tells me no he doesn't have any STDs, I wonder if I should believe it. He seems honest and considerate.

 

[SDET]

If he just tells me no he doesn't have any STDs, I wonder if I should believe it. He seems honest and considerate.

Hell no.

 

[Good4Nothin]

That's not an insult. Always ask for mutual labs for unprotected sex. If you're serious about him and him you, he'd want the same. Protect yourself.

Statistics |
Herpes
Herpes infection is common. About 1 in 8 people aged 14-49 in the U.S. has genital herpes.

About 1 in 2 people ages 14-49 in the U.S. are infected with HSV-1, which is the typical cause of oral herpes. However, increasing numbers of genital herpes cases are caused by HSV-1.

Symptoms of genital herpes often go unnoticed. Most people with genital herpes—close to 90%—don’t know they have the infection.

Globally, researchers estimate that about two-thirds of the population under age 50—more than 3.7 billion people–are infected with HSV-1. Some 140 million people aged 15-49 are infected with genital HSV-1, primarily in the Americas, Europe and Western Pacific.

So that means it doesn't usually have any symptoms? In that case, why care about catching it?