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New Element Found and Identified

ngdawg

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The recent hurricane and gasoline issues helped prove existence of a new
element. In early October [2005] a major research institution announced
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Government."

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons
and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will
actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical
Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am) - an element
which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons
but twice as many morons.
 
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