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Boone County resident, Jasper June, 72, was arrested today on felony charges of manufacturing and distributing homemade “energy drinks” containing the powerful stimulate methamphetamine. The Boone County drug task force raided June’s tree fort (June lives in 200 sq. ft. tree fort on his brother’s property) to find Jasper wearing only an adult diaper and reading an Arabic pornographic magazine.
Police seized approximately 25 2 liter bottles of June’s “energy drink” found in a cinder block pump house on the property. The bottles tested positive for methamphetamine.
June came under suspicion when he sold four bottles to several high school girls who hours later were checked into a hospital with internal bleeding. The children’s parents phoned authorities.
A police report contained several statements from June:
“They’re just energy drinks like Rockstar or Monster. It’s not meth in there. It’s just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn’t put meth in there.”
Customers would come to June’s home to buy the energy drinks for $20 per bottle. One customer spoke on the condition of anonymity:
“I’m shocked Jasper put crank in his energy drinks. I didn’t know nothing about that. I just knew they worked good to keep me awake for a couple days. Stuff way better than Monster [energy drink].”
Hours after June’s first statement, he confessed:
“Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they’ll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle.”
June also faces child endangerment charges for ‘poisoning’ the girls who drank his homemade concoction.
He looks like a man who would both sell snake-oil AND piss in someone's drink.
He does look a might bit sketchy.
He does look a might bit sketchy.
what makes you say that:
"wearing only an adult diaper and reading an Arabic pornographic magazine"
Nah, he looks TOTALLY trustworthy. Where do I get me one of those energy drinks.
Hours after June’s first statement, he confessed:
“Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they’ll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle.”
The Onion only wishes they could write stuff this good! :lamo
Who the ****
buys piss-yellow liquid labeled with tape and a marker saying "ENERGY DRINK"
from that ****ing guy.
It's West Virginia so.................
:lamo....so there'll be a class action suit too.
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