Is it ok to spank your child?

[Billo_Really]

Originally posted by Utah Bill:
Wow, do you even have children? Or are none of your children active or creative enough to find ways of hurting themselves? Have you ever spent a day with an active child? Or do you have several full time nannies? Out of our 6 grandkids from our 2 children (3 each) we have one stubborn, or perhaps persistent, grandson that takes 2 adults most of their time to keep him out of everything. He had to get his hand swatted a LOT but we finally got him to stop trying to put things in wall receptacles. We also had to teach his parents to stop leaving their car keys where he can get at them. He sees one time one of us putting a key in a door or ignition and he is instantly fascitnated with the idea of putting keys into anything that looks like a keyhole. Guess what, he can pry out the plastic thingys with his little fingers better than I can. I doubt his little psyche is ruined yet, tho. He is still a cheerful, funny, bright kid that we enjoy having around, so we teach him what he needs to know to keep him from getting hurt. BTW, as much as he has heard the word NO yelled at him, he still doesn't actually use the word. He does look at you and smile, and then heads off to the next wall socket. Guess we have to say NO for every wall socket he can find...
Another link in the chain of pain? How poetic, almost brings tears to my eyes. But not as much as when I have to visit my grandchild in the emergency room when he almost bit his tonque off just jumping off the back of the couch. Kids learn from pain, it is a fact of life, and even a fact of nature. That doesn't mean we use swats as the only tool for educating our kids, but if it is the only tool that works, you are irresponsible for not using it.

It's nice to see the kid is teaching you guys a thing or too.

 

[Southern Belle]

It's nice to see the kid is teaching you guys a thing or too.

I'm genuinely curious, Billo, but do you walk around 1 step behind your toddlers from morning til night? How do you work or make money or have any fun or come to the forum?

 

[26 X World Champs]

No, the older they get the less effective the spanking is and other means are available. Young kids understand that when they get a spanking or their hand slapped they have done something wrong and the parents don't approve. They don't understand "time-out" or other restrictions. As they get older then they do understand these other punishments and know that if they do something wrong they will lose something they like.

Sounds like a great argument for....CHILD ABUSE!

The right way to parent IMHO even at a young age is to give the child two choices, both of which are the right choice and let them choose. It empowers them and it also gets the desired results.

We never even threatened to spank our kids and for the most part they were very well behaved and respectful even at a young age. They were nurtured and allowed to express their feelings and then were given choices to make by us that always had the right result. We eliminated negative choices and options.

I wrote it in an earlier post, IMHO parents who hit are either too lazy or too ignorant re child rearing to make other choices that do not involve spanking.

 

[Kelzie]

Sounds like a great argument for....CHILD ABUSE!

The right way to parent IMHO even at a young age is to give the child two choices, both of which are the right choice and let them choose. It empowers them and it also gets the desired results.

We never even threatened to spank our kids and for the most part they were very well behaved and respectful even at a young age. They were nurtured and allowed to express their feelings and then were given choices to make by us that always had the right result. We eliminated negative choices and options.

I wrote it in an earlier post, IMHO parents who hit are either too lazy or too ignorant re child rearing to make other choices that do not involve spanking.

That's silly. My mom spanked me and she was neither lazy, nor ignorant. I greatly respect her parenting abilities and only hope I am half the parent she was if I ever have children. Just because you do not choose one method of parenting does not make it evil or stupid. I respect people's decision not to spank their children, even if it's not the way I would raise them.

 

[Stace]

Sounds like a great argument for....CHILD ABUSE!

The right way to parent IMHO even at a young age is to give the child two choices, both of which are the right choice and let them choose. It empowers them and it also gets the desired results.

We never even threatened to spank our kids and for the most part they were very well behaved and respectful even at a young age. They were nurtured and allowed to express their feelings and then were given choices to make by us that always had the right result. We eliminated negative choices and options.

I wrote it in an earlier post, IMHO parents who hit are either too lazy or too ignorant re child rearing to make other choices that do not involve spanking.

Spanking does NOT automatically equate child abuse, Champs. Spanking that is not done in anger; spanking that is done with an open palm; no more than a couple of whacks; etc....none of that is abuse.

Not all children respond to talking, or time outs, or even giving them choices. Just because giving your children choices worked for y'all, that does not mean that it will work for everyone else.

I'm sure my son will get a spanking or two in his lifetime. And I am extremely outspoken regarding child abuse, as I was abused in just about every way imagineable (except sexually) as a child. But I'm not naive enough to think that my son will always obey with other tactics. Spanking will be a last resort, but I'm not taking it completely off of the table.

 

[26 X World Champs]

That's silly. My mom spanked me and she was neither lazy, nor ignorant. I greatly respect her parenting abilities and only hope I am half the parent she was if I ever have children. Just because you do not choose one method of parenting does not make it evil or stupid. I respect people's decision not to spank their children, even if it's not the way I would raise them.

It's not that I disrespect parents who hit their children as much as I strongly disagree with that methodology. I simply feel feel that reason can accomplish more than spanking, always.

 

[26 X World Champs]

Spanking does NOT automatically equate child abuse, Champs. Spanking that is not done in anger; spanking that is done with an open palm; no more than a couple of whacks; etc....none of that is abuse.

Not all children respond to talking, or time outs, or even giving them choices. Just because giving your children choices worked for y'all, that does not mean that it will work for everyone else.

I'm sure my son will get a spanking or two in his lifetime. And I am extremely outspoken regarding child abuse, as I was abused in just about every way imagineable (except sexually) as a child. But I'm not naive enough to think that my son will always obey with other tactics. Spanking will be a last resort, but I'm not taking it completely off of the table.

I found that at times of extreme need for discipline that a raised voice was equally or more effective than raising a hand and spanking. As parents our children are coddled and loved by us so the rare times that you must speak in harsh and extremely strong terms scares the hell out of them and achieves the desired results, at least in my experiences.

I never, ever considered hitting my children (though my inner voice might have suggested it to myself) because I was always able to remain in control of the parent child relationship with clearly defined roles.

 

[1069]

It's not that I disrespect parents who hit their children as much as I strongly disagree with that methodology. I simply feel feel that reason can accomplish more than spanking, always.

I agree entirely.
I don't think anything is accomplished by flinging accusations of abuse around, but this is my feeling as well.
It always bothered me, too, that we as a culture expend so much time and energy trying to teach our children about "good touches" and "bad touches" and not letting adults touch their private parts, etc... and then proceed to whack away at their arses any time they displease us.
I've even known some parents who pull their children's pants down and spank them on their bare butts.
What sort of message does this send?
"Don't ever let any adult touch your private parts, unless they are inflicting well-deserved pain upon them?"
As a teenager, I knew some kids who, even at fourteen and fifteen years old, were still getting spanked; whipped, really.
The sexual aspect of this bothers me; not that the parents are deliberately performing a sexual act upon their children when they spank them, but that it could be construed as erotic by the child and could really mess them up psychologically. Spanking is somewhat fetishized in our society, and some of these fundamentalist Christian "how to spank your child" books literally read like S&M pornography, outlining elaborate "spanking rituals", dominance and submission, etc.
This one, for instance, is a classic, and is marketed not only to parents on many fundamentalist Christian websites, but also to Spanking fetishists on many S&M sites: Spanking: Why, When, How, by Roy Lessin.
If you scroll down to the part where it says "Customers who bought this item also bought...", you'll see that many customers who bought this book also bought other S&M erotica, including something called 'Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z' by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
If you also click on the "customer reviews" section, you'll see that many people who left comments were subjected to the disciplinary method outlined in this book as children, and many are still experiencing the traumatic effects of it to this day, and dealing with various physical and psychological issues because of it.
Another woman, Bethany Fenimore, whose family was close friends with the author, Roy Lessin (also the cofounder of the Dayspring Christian Ministry), has publicized her childhood experiences with this disciplinary method in an open letter to the author. Beth Fenimore's father illustrated Roy Lessin's book, attended Roy Lessin's church, and religiously practiced Roy Lessin's disciplinary method on Beth and her siblings. And this is what Beth Fenimore has to say about the effect that had on her life: Open Letter to Roy Lessin.
This book was written back in the seventies, and you may believe these practices have fallen out of favor in our new, more enlightened time. But Roy Lessin is still publishing and marketing new "Christian Spanking" manuals to this day, despite testimony that his original book led to wide-spread child mistreatment; his latest book is Spanking: A Loving Discipline : Helpful and Practical Answers for Today's Parents, already a huge hit with both fundamentalist Christian parents and S&M fetishists alike.

So. Yeah, there's a big difference between giving your kid a swat on the (clothed) behind and undressing them and performing some sort of elaborate "spanking ritual", as recommended by Lessin's books.
But, for some people it might be hard to tell exactly where the line is.
Like I said, parents who are still bending their sixteen-year-olds over their knees might have some personal issues they need to deal with, and are no doubt causing a lot of psychological damage to their children as well.

 

[Navy Pride]

My brother and I got spanked when we were kids usually by my mother and when we got to big for her all she had to say when we got out of line is I am telling your dad when he gets home from work.......

I can tell you that got our attention..........

I truly believe one of the main reasons that kids are out of control nowadays is parents can not put the "Fear of God" in them........The kids know they can't do anything to them and they take advantage of it.........

 

[Roberdorus]

Question: Is it okay to spank your child?

Answer: Yes, but I think there are definitely better methods of discipline. Like, for instance, my dad always employed the "verbal abuse" technique, and I think everyone can agree that I turned out... pretty great.

 

[Navy Pride]

Question: Is it okay to spank your child?

Answer: Yes, but I think there are definitely better methods of discipline. Like, for instance, my dad always employed the "verbal abuse" technique, and I think everyone can agree that I turned out... pretty great.

We always got "This is going to hurt me more then it hurts you." Yeah, right......

 

[1069]

Some interesting facts:

As of April 2003, 28 states in the U.S. had banned corporal punishments in schools. The most recent anti-spanking bill was signed by Governor Minner in Delaware.

Fifteen European countries ban corporal punishment of children both in the home and elsewhere.
They are:
Sweden (1979), Finland (1983), Norway (1987), Austria (1989), Cyprus (1994), Denmark (1997), Latvia (1998), Croatia (1999), Bulgaria (2000), Germany (2000), Iceland (2003), Romania (2004), Ukraine (2004) and Hungary (2005).

Greece has also passed a law banning all corporal punishment. It comes into effect on Jan 24, 2007.

New Zealand is currently debating whether or not to outlaw parental spanking, having outlawed corporal punishment within its educational institutions in 1989.

Canada has, as of 2004, upheld a law which allows spankings by parents, caregivers, and teachers, but has restricted the law to only apply to children ages two to twelve.

 

[Southern Belle]

Where are all the liberals who say the government shouldn't interfer in people's private lives and in the home? The government shouldn't babysit us remember? Or am I confused and the liberals WANT the government to tell people how to live?

Spanking, if done right and the parent explaining and making sure the child KNOWS that the spanking will only happen if they do something after being told not to, and knows that their parents still love them. And doesn't make bruises, duh, just thought I had to mention the obvious

Man nutty liberals are twisting and damaging everything, confusing right and wrong, disrupting order, and so darned CONFUSING...^^

 

[1069]

Where are all the liberals who say the government shouldn't interfer in people's private lives and in the home? The government shouldn't babysit us remember? Or am I confused and the liberals WANT the government to tell people how to live?

Spanking, if done right and the parent explaining and making sure the child KNOWS that the spanking will only happen if they do something after being told not to, and knows that their parents still love them. And doesn't make bruises, duh, just thought I had to mention the obvious

Man nutty liberals are twisting and damaging everything, confusing right and wrong, disrupting order, and so darned CONFUSING...^^

Succinct! :mrgreen:
May I quote you?

(Check out my new sig!)

 

[Southern Belle]

If you want, I guess , what's Succinct mean? I was slightly kidding, with the ^^, but the post is legit, some of the most out there laws are rather insane and confuse me, lol

I looked it up and it seems like a compliment, so thanks, lol. And I'm honored, lol. ^_^

 

[teacher]

Navy...

My brother and I got spanked when we were kids usually by my mother and when we got to big for her all she had to say when we got out of line is I am telling your dad when he gets home from work.......

I allready said that. Jallman too, you know, the fag you hate?

I can tell you that got our attention..........

Said that too, only more funny.

I truly believe one of the main reasons that kids are out of control nowadays is parents can not put the "Fear of God" in them........

<Fear of Dad>

 

[1069]

If you want, I guess , what's Succinct mean?

It means concise/ precise.
But I use it to mean, you know... "Sweet!"

 

[Southern Belle]

It means concise/ precise.
But I use it to mean, you know... "Sweet!"

Ahh, I'm honored, but I wonder if I should be or not, lol. :2wave:

 

[teacher]

(Check out my new sig!)

The Warden approves.

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

As of April 2003, 28 states in the U.S. had banned corporal punishments in schools. The most recent anti-spanking bill was signed by Governor Minner in Delaware.

Good. The government has no business paddling anyone, or laying hands upon my children for anything less than a criminal offense.

 

[Maximus Zeebra]

Wow

I am surprised to see the large majority vote "yes" on this poll..


Its just not acceptable to use violence against the child. How do you think he will remember you when he is adult when you spanked him throughout his childhood?


Ps. Hitler was spanked during his childhood, that didnt make him a better person.

 

[UtahBill]

Hitler has nothing to do with it....and you being in the minority might just mean you are not thinking along the same lines as the rest of the world. To further elaborate, you just might be wrong.
BTW, Ted Bundy was never spanked as a child....

 

[jallman]

Jallman, no offense, but I thought you were gay?

No offense taken, and I am. Doesn't change the fact that I would happily park myself on her naughty stool if she told me to...:3oops:

 

[Navy Pride]

Re: Wow

I am surprised to see the large majority vote "yes" on this poll..


Its just not acceptable to use violence against the child. How do you think he will remember you when he is adult when you spanked him throughout his childhood?


Ps. Hitler was spanked during his childhood, that didnt make him a better person.

What a bunch of horse ****..........Most people I know that got spanked turned out well....I can't say the same thing for the whacked out kids of today......

 

[Rev.]

I have eight children and have spanked them all at one time or another (well...except the four-month-old.)

When I had my first, I spanked because I was spanked, it is what I knew to do, and it worked.

But it didn't work AT ALL one my second.

And my third was so compliant, just the THREAT made her fall in line.

I hate to see parents dependant on spanking as the sole means of behavior modification. But abandoning spanking SHOULD NOT mean abandoning discipline. Unfortunately, that has been the result. Finding good creative ideas THAT WORK for child-training are so hard to come by...