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How much time with your spouse/SO is too much?
I'm a serious introvert. I like my "alone time". My wife is a serious extrovert.
Our current situation is like this:
- I recently got transferred to another office and my commute was cut in half from 45 minutes to 20 minutes.
- My wife works 45 minutes away.
- My wife works on a rotating schedule, meaning she gets one full weekend and one other Saturday off each month.
- We spend evening together and honestly do enjoy each other's company.
- She is pushing her work for all weekends off so we can spend all our free time together.
:neutral:
Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly. But, I spend all day at work with people. I then spend all evenings with my wife. I spend 3 weekend says a months with her as well. I'd be fine if she got two full weekends off, that'd be cool, but to be brutally honest, I value my 4-5 days a month where I get to be alone for most of the day. I feel like that's what keeps me sane.
Then there's another rub, and this one actually has me somewhat anxious. A good friend of ours, who works less than a block away from where I work now, is pushing hard for my wife to get a job there. :doh
*sigh* So then, I would have virtually no alone time throughout the month whatsoever. I'd be around other people at work. When not at work I'd be with my wife during all evenings, during all weekends, and even during the drive to work.
I seriously don't know what to do. I have thought of texting our friend and asking her to stop pushing for the job there. If I express my concerns to me wife I can almost guarantee I'd hurt her feelings, and I don't want to do that. But, I am who I am. I don't need or want constant interaction with people 24/7.
I honestly don't understand how some people can live AND work together all the fricken time with never a break.
Thoughts?
Well, My girlfriend and I can be in the same room and have our own alone time in silence for hours.... easily. We are technically together, but doing our own thing. You able to do this?
Well, My girlfriend and I can be in the same room and have our own alone time in silence for hours.... easily. We are technically together, but doing our own thing. You able to do this?
I like that. Husband and I can be in the same room but are working on different projects or hobbies. When I want to be completely alone, I go on walks.
How much time with your spouse/SO is too much?
I'm a serious introvert. I like my "alone time". My wife is a serious extrovert.
Our current situation is like this:
- I recently got transferred to another office and my commute was cut in half from 45 minutes to 20 minutes.
- My wife works 45 minutes away.
- My wife works on a rotating schedule, meaning she gets one full weekend and one other Saturday off each month.
- We spend evening together and honestly do enjoy each other's company.
- She is pushing her work for all weekends off so we can spend all our free time together.
:neutral:
Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly. But, I spend all day at work with people. I then spend all evenings with my wife. I spend 3 weekend says a months with her as well. I'd be fine if she got two full weekends off, that'd be cool, but to be brutally honest, I value my 4-5 days a month where I get to be alone for most of the day. I feel like that's what keeps me sane.
Then there's another rub, and this one actually has me somewhat anxious. A good friend of ours, who works less than a block away from where I work now, is pushing hard for my wife to get a job there. :doh
*sigh* So then, I would have virtually no alone time throughout the month whatsoever. I'd be around other people at work. When not at work I'd be with my wife during all evenings, during all weekends, and even during the drive to work.
I seriously don't know what to do. I have thought of texting our friend and asking her to stop pushing for the job there. If I express my concerns to me wife I can almost guarantee I'd hurt her feelings, and I don't want to do that. But, I am who I am. I don't need or want constant interaction with people 24/7.
I honestly don't understand how some people can live AND work together all the fricken time with never a break.
Thoughts?
And we are able to do that, too, at times. But, sometimes she is very chatty.
Well, My girlfriend and I can be in the same room and have our own alone time in silence for hours.... easily. We are technically together, but doing our own thing. You able to do this?
In my new office my supervisor was trying to get my attention, but couldn't. When he finally did he asked me if they were noise-canceling headphones. I said, "Nah, just loud." :2razz:
I know you're right.today marks the first week of my wife's retirement while i have been enjoying solo retirement for the past 14 years
so, your concern certainly sounds familiar
my wife is also quite chatty, while in person, i tend to be reserved - despite the loquacious nature of my posts
so far, so good. while i see more of her, we both have our own interests that we pursue individually
maybe your situation will be likewise once your wife spends less time in transit and more weekends at home
pro tip: buy a pair of sennheiser wireless headphones to listen to music/TV. this allows you to remain in your own world apart from the conversations your wife would prefer to initiate. bet you can guess why i know how well this works
down side: her presence has severely limited the amount of time spent playing my guitars and drums
she's your wife for a reason. figure this out and whatever you do, do not undermine her opportunity to move to a job with the hours/commute she prefers
In my new office my supervisor was trying to get my attention, but couldn't. When he finally did he asked me if they were noise-canceling headphones. I said, "Nah, just loud." :2razz:
But, anyway, that's not the same as being alone.
today marks the first week of my wife's retirement while i have been enjoying solo retirement for the past 14 years
so, your concern certainly sounds familiar
my wife is also quite chatty, while in person, i tend to be reserved - despite the loquacious nature of my posts
so far, so good. while i see more of her, we both have our own interests that we pursue individually
maybe your situation will be likewise once your wife spends less time in transit and more weekends at home
pro tip: buy a pair of sennheiser wireless headphones to listen to music/TV. this allows you to remain in your own world apart from the conversations your wife would prefer to initiate. bet you can guess why i know how well this works
down side: her presence has severely limited the amount of time spent playing my guitars and drums
she's your wife for a reason. figure this out and whatever you do, do not undermine her opportunity to move to a job with the hours/commute she prefers
Jokes aside, radcen, talk to your wife. Ask her if she sometimes has the desire to be alone and tell her how you feel. Honesty is usually best. Reassure her. If you let this linger, your wife will pick up on it.
But...ask yourself why you want to be alone first. Be honest.
You're right. Plus, if I let it linger, it will fester in my mind and I will become resentful. I don't want that to happen.
Does your wife understand the differences between introverts and extroverts and that we "recharge our batteries" differently. Like you, I am an introvert and, like your wife, my wife is an extrovert. But we make it work by being clear about what we each need. But you have to talk about it because a lot of extroverts don't understand the way our brains work. They mistake our being quiet with an expressionless face as being in a bad mood.
Start on a good note. Cook dinner for her or take her out to dinner. Let her know you love her and you care.
Well, My girlfriend and I can be in the same room and have our own alone time in silence for hours.... easily. We are technically together, but doing our own thing. You able to do this?
And we are able to do that, too, at times. But, sometimes she is very chatty.
Chatty people drive me batty
I honestly don't understand how some people can live AND work together all the fricken time with never a break.
Thoughts?
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