SassySmartie
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I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry.
That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs.
That was a good article. The creepy "I own my daughters sexuality" crap really needs to go.
I agree. I think it's more important for dads to empower their daughters with information to make good decisions. They need to learn how to be independent and make decisions and their own mistakes. I have a similar philosophy with my teen daughters. It seems to have worked so far, we have very open, honest communication about sex and relationships.
Good grief, we're talking about teenagers here. Technically speaking that's 13 up. They're not going to expire or be ruined if they don't have sex until they're adults. It's not a glass cage. In fact, at least in my daughter's generation (she's near 40 now), she and a lot of her friends used their father's evil eye at the boys as a shield. .
Good grief, we're talking about teenagers here. Technically speaking that's 13 up. They're not going to expire or be ruined if they don't have sex until they're adults. It's not a glass cage. In fact, at least in my daughter's generation (she's near 40 now), she and a lot of her friends used their father's evil eye at the boys as a shield. This fellows daughter has no such shield - it's all on her shoulders and we know what tremendous pressure kids feel at that age over just about everything. She's been thrown to the wolves with the promise that he'll be there to bandage the wounds, but refuses to be there to fight off the wolves in the first place. Yeah, that'll make a teenage girl feel protected, safe.
Good grief, we're talking about teenagers here. Technically speaking that's 13 up. They're not going to expire or be ruined if they don't have sex until they're adults. It's not a glass cage. In fact, at least in my daughter's generation (she's near 40 now), she and a lot of her friends used their father's evil eye at the boys as a shield. This fellows daughter has no such shield - it's all on her shoulders and we know what tremendous pressure kids feel at that age over just about everything. She's been thrown to the wolves with the promise that he'll be there to bandage the wounds, but refuses to be there to fight off the wolves in the first place. Yeah, that'll make a teenage girl feel protected, safe.
I had to, im a single dad with full custody :shrug:
i found it to be easy since i was a single dad with full custody since she was young
already talking about wiping and hygiene, periods, bras etc etc just kinda leads up to it
weird yes a little lol but it had to be done
I think you're sort of missing the point. He's not saying that he isn't at all protective, but that he is putting her in charge of her own body and her own sexuality. He's pointing out how teaching a girl she isn't capable of making choices about her own body, and putting man in charge of that affects her down the road, where she may let other men make that decision for her. I think he makes valid points.
no. it's her choice
she came to me looking for advice
she had taken the virginity pledge in high school; it was all the rage at the time
but by her asking i knew she was looking for a way to break her vow. one she had taken when she had not reached an age to decide. now she had reached that age
and i let her know that only she knew when the time was right
but what a double standard
i gave my son condoms
we had the talk
and we talked about how to please a woman, and the benefits of doing so
and how 'no' means 'no'
a very different message to him when compared to my daughter. there was no way we could - correction, i could - have a similar discussion with her
one of the benefits of having a wonderful wife, to cover what i could not
All that sounds nice, but in practice he's advocating putting someone in charge of something they haven't the slightest clue about managing (or protecting) yet.
Well that's where dad educates her about all of those things and keeps an open line of non-judgmental communication open so she feels free and even compelled to come to him with questions, concerns and uncertainties.
I mean think about it, since you've raised children... What is the best way to teach a kid to manage and protect money? Lock it away in a savings account for them until they are what you think is old enough to spend it? or Give them a little money and a little space and let them learn the ropes by making a few mistakes here and there? [Just replace money with education* LOTS of education and space with trust] You'd be surprised what kids are capable of when we give them firm, reasonable boundaries and the freedom to test the boundaries and make mistakes.
You'd be surprised what kids are capable of when we give them firm, reasonable boundaries and the freedom to test the boundaries and make mistakes.
Problem is they are not analogous, there isn't a way to give them a little sex and see how they manage it.
We all know the "sex talk" is not a one time event but happens gradually over a span of years. Just as the turning over of control over one's actions. Gradually, over time and the level of demonstrated judgement teens gain full custody over their bodies and the actions they take upon those bodies. It's part of a continuum.
Frankly, the mistakes with sexuality have much farther-reaching implications and serious problems, than making mistakes with money, at a young age. I wholeheartedly agree that much education is an excellent idea, but giving too much latitude for mistakes can be a real problem. I would reinforce (within my teaching) that mistakes can be very costly, and that the kid would be smart to avoid them.
Holding hands, going to the movies, making out, those are equivalent to "a little sex." Encouraging her to stay open, and come with questions and concerns goes a long way into helping her decide on her own that she's not interested in sex until she's ready and ready being mature and responsible, and also goes to help her say no when she knows she's not ready. I'm not sure how you conflate refusing to put the onus on the boy not to try to get handsy with your girl [instead teaching your girl how to make wise decisions] with encouraging her to go out and have sex at 13?
Both of my daughters waited a long while past their peers before having sex (I'm pretty sure the younger one who will graduate next spring is still a virgin) and came to me with questions and concerns about sex, whether they were ready and how to know. They're both open with me and have made a some mistakes in judgment but overall wise choices. As parents, what more can we ask for? I find outright prohibiting things only drives them to want to do it more. When you're open and honest, kids listen to themselves and you.
Heh, spoken like a good mother, but that isn't what the thread is about. With the possible exception for the single fathers cases, girls generally tend to feel more comfortable discussing "am I ready" with Mom. But when it comes down to it, when they want protection, they come to Dad.
I'm not conflating anything. I'm saying a girl whose father gives the boy the traditional speech allows the girl more freedom. Teen boys are, like it or not, typically the aggressors where it comes to initiating sex. And let me tell you, between their peers at that age and what they see in the media, they do their best to become master manipulators. Again, if she really, really wants to have sex with the boy, she's going to no matter what the Dad says. But if she's not sure or doesn't, her father's old school speech becomes a shield she can rely upon.
I'm not conflating anything. I'm saying a girl whose father gives the boy the traditional speech allows the girl more freedom. Teen boys are, like it or not, typically the aggressors where it comes to initiating sex. And let me tell you, between their peers at that age and what they see in the media, they do their best to become master manipulators. Again, if she really, really wants to have sex with the boy, she's going to no matter what the Dad says. But if she's not sure or doesn't, her father's old school speech becomes a shield she can rely upon.
That is delusional wishful thinking on your part. All you do with that bull**** is humiliate your daughter and make the boyfriend laugh at you behind your back. I'm sure you want to believe that teenaged males live in fear of you, but you really inspire nothing but mockery. They are obviously empty threats, and even if they weren't some pudgy middle aged dad is no position to fight someone half his age. You want to protect your daughter, give her the confidence to resist being pressured and maybe some self defense training while you are at it.
My dad didn't. I saw this article in my newsfeed this morning on FB and thought that it's a great attitude that this dad has. My favorite quote from the article:
Thoughts?
Heh, spoken like a good mother, but that isn't what the thread is about. With the possible exception for the single fathers cases, girls generally tend to feel more comfortable discussing "am I ready" with Mom. But when it comes down to it, when they want protection, they come to Dad.
I'm not conflating anything. I'm saying a girl whose father gives the boy the traditional speech allows the girl more freedom. Teen boys are, like it or not, typically the aggressors where it comes to initiating sex. And let me tell you, between their peers at that age and what they see in the media, they do their best to become master manipulators. Again, if she really, really wants to have sex with the boy, she's going to no matter what the Dad says. But if she's not sure or doesn't, her father's old school speech becomes a shield she can rely upon.
How about just instilling ones daughter with enough self-esteem to date guys who will not pressure her? Worked pretty well for me.
Yeah, teen guys want sex. So do teen girls. But a LOT of teen boys are really, really concerned with being too pressuring. At least, that's my own experience, as a teen girl who had enough self-esteem to date decent guys.
None of my boyfriends ever got "the talk." And frankly, I find "the talk" a little insulting. Fathers are not the owners of their daughters' sexuality.
Besides that, any child who has a good relationship with their parent should KNOW that they can go to them for protection, even if he doesn't give them a threatening speech before they go out. Being threatening is not necessary to being a good protector.
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