God Bless The TSA

[InWalkedBud]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

 

[VySky]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

I don’t like sushi. But love poke’

 

[Rogue Valley]

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler.

Perhaps you'll receive a reprieve.

I read somewhere that the Vivek and Elon DOGE pony-show is considering doing away with the TSA.

 

[zincwarrior]

Wooden chopsticks or skewers?

 

[Stealers Wheel]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Well, to be fair, we need to remember we can't bring on our knives or forks, either. Keep it in your checked baggage.

 

[eman623]

Excellent rant!

The TSA once pulled my then 10 year old daughter out of the line for a random pat-down. Because of all the 10 year-old girl terrorists out there.

 

[InWalkedBud]

BamWooden chopsticks or skewers?

Bamboo. On the same flight, there was a woman knitting with whatever those long metal rods are that women knit with. We're in the very best of hands.

 

[Bok Tuklo]

Call them knitting needles. My wife knits and the TSA lets her bring hers on the plane.

 

[InWalkedBud]

I don’t like sushi. But love poke’

I was raised on both; poke is one of my all-time faves. We always do a prime rib for xmas. I floated the possibility of doing poke instead. My wife is... not enthusiastic.

 

[Lutherf]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

I'm Italian and got a corkscrew confiscated. I feel your pain!

 

[LouC]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Meh. Now you know.

 

[Callen]

Call them knitting needles. My wife knits and the TSA lets her bring hers on the plane.

Mine have been confiscated twice. Once on a domestic flight and once on a flight within the US

 

[LouC]

Call them knitting needles. My wife knits and the TSA lets her bring hers on the plane.

Actually the TSA website says that chopsticks are allowed in carryon bags and checked bags, so I guess the OP got mistakenly robbed.

I remember the first time I flew after the TSA was created they confiscated my big comb.

Oh well.

 

[Bok Tuklo]

Mine have been confiscated twice. Once on a domestic flight and once on a flight within the US

Hers have never been confiscated. That includes flights to Europe.

 

[VySky]

Wooden chopsticks or skewers?

My wife pins her hair bun up with chop sticks and pencils.

 

[LouC]

Mine have been confiscated twice. Once on a domestic flight and once on a flight within the US

The TSA website also says knitting needles are allowed in carryon and checked bags.

Got to love the inconsistent nature of the beastie.

 

[InWalkedBud]

TSA is a bloated dog & pony show that routinely records failure rates north of 70% whenever DHS tests their "security" by easily getting simulated weapons, drugs & explosives aboard undetected. The most critical vulnerability exposed by 9/11 has been solved: locked cockpit doors are now all but impossible to breach. The rest of it is smoke and mirrors. It's long past time to abolish the TSA and let the private sector take a crack at it.

 

[Callen]

Hers have never been confiscated. That includes flights to Europe.

Mine incidents were several years back....maybe 10 or so. Things may have changed

 

[zincwarrior]

Call them knitting needles. My wife knits and the TSA lets her bring hers on the plane.

Thats how I get my swords through.

I'm Italian and got a corkscrew confiscated. I feel your pain!

Wait, you had to drink screw cap wine? The swine!

 

[mrjurrs]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Perhaps they've read your posts on these threads?

 

[verrip1]

Excellent rant!

The TSA once pulled my then 10 year old daughter out of the line for a random pat-down. Because of all the 10 year-old girl terrorists out there.

Sounds like being a TSA officer would appeal to Joe Biden after his current gig is over.

(I suppose I should apologize for being so crass, but NAHHH!)

 

[Integrityrespec]

Flying commercial can be a pain, there's no denying it. But I've had an epiphany, and I am now compelled to rebuke all the selfish, narcissistic whiny little crybabies who've ever complained about it. You ungrateful malcontents should bow down in reverent obeisance whenever the hallowed name of the Transportation Security Administration is mentioned.

Thanks to me Asian mum, I use chopsticks as often as a knife and fork & always take a pair with me when I travel. But not on TSA's watch! TSA accepts its solemn obligation to protect all of you from the likes of me. The fearless sentinels at TSA (Propeller Beanies Upon Them) understand how the slant-eyed among us like nothing better than to lurk on airplanes, deviously twirling our mustaches, looking for unwary travelers to skewer, stab & impale.

With our chopsticks.

They confiscated my freaking hashi. To keep me from weaponizing them. Against you, fellow traveler. If you've flown in the US, you owe TSA (PBUT) your very lives. So get on your knees you drooling gaijin, and shout ARIGATO to the heavens. Do it now!!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done.

I travel a lot, I fly a lot and most of the time the TSA is pretty good and at least pleasant. Last year coming back from Europe I was traveling with other family members coming through Newark, our connecting flight had a tight window and our Euro flight was already slightly late. We got through customs, got our luggage and rushed to get to the connection. We told airport folks we were on a tight schedule and where we were headed that they promised they'd do all they could to help us make it. Told us to let the TSA folks along the way know we had a tight schedule and be sure to have our tickets and baggage ready to be checked. We did, we got to the security for checking our carry on bags which were all just back packs and explained to them the situation. The first guy put us in a "quicker" line, we got to the security check and the folks couldn't have been worse. Slow, rude and one even combative. As we tried to get our 6 folks through security with about a 30 minute time limit left we were asking if they could hurry explaining that we had a very short time to our flight. The tickets showed the boarding time and departure and we even showed this. The reponse from 3 of the four people that were handling us was terrible. The said they were doing all they could. They pulled two backpacks out for more screening. Then let them sit while they literally stood around talking. My brother in law went up ans asked if they could please hurry because we were now down to about 15 minutes. They were rude, told us we had to wait our turn and that was all they could do. My Brother in law tried to explain to the lady that we were down to about 15 minutes and she got ruder. A security guard came over and was rude, and combative. He actually pressed himself up to about an inch of my in aws chest and told him if he didn't go sit down he'd call more security. I decided it was time to try to de-escalate and tried to separate them, not physically, but encouraged my in law to walk away as I also tried to appeal to the TSA security guy's better nature. He had none. I went and asked for a supervisor to help, they said they would call one. I watched as the rude lady and the rude and combative TSA cop just walked away to the other side of a security fence and preceeded to mess with other bags. After about 5 more minutes I again appealed to a TSA agent, a different one and told the I didn't think we were going to be appeal to make our flight now, could they please help. This guy walked over said something to the two and suddenly we got our last 2 bags all while the one combative cop glared at us as if he wanted a fight. I ran to our gate, and got there after they had boarded, plead with the gate attendant and thankfully she said she'd see what see could do. In a few minutes the rest of the party got to the gate and by then the lady said it's fine, you can board. She also told me it's a good thing I hurried to get there or we would not have made it.
That was a bad deal, but I have some nice stories as well where they helped, and the gate attendants were helpful in getting us on a flight that had a really tight window. So some folks are just nice and some are just assholes and it shows up in their work as well.
My advice stay away from Newark, seems it's always a bad deal. Flew in about 10 years ago and our flight was experiencing a mechanical problem, they ran us all the way to the far end of another terminal to make another flight, they told us no room and ran us back to original gate. By the time we got there, it was pulling away. We spend the night on the floor waiting until the morning for a new flight.

 

[Rogue Valley]

Try using the TSA PreCheck at govplus.com

 

[InWalkedBud]

I travel a lot, I fly a lot and most of the time the TSA is pretty good and at least pleasant. Last year coming back from Europe I was traveling with other family members coming through Newark, our connecting flight had a tight window and our Euro flight was already slightly late. We got through customs, got our luggage and rushed to get to the connection. We told airport folks we were on a tight schedule and where we were headed that they promised they'd do all they could to help us make it. Told us to let the TSA folks along the way know we had a tight schedule and be sure to have our tickets and baggage ready to be checked. We did, we got to the security for checking our carry on bags which were all just back packs and explained to them the situation. The first guy put us in a "quicker" line, we got to the security check and the folks couldn't have been worse. Slow, rude and one even combative. As we tried to get our 6 folks through security with about a 30 minute time limit left we were asking if they could hurry explaining that we had a very short time to our flight. The tickets showed the boarding time and departure and we even showed this. The reponse from 3 of the four people that were handling us was terrible. The said they were doing all they could. They pulled two backpacks out for more screening. Then let them sit while they literally stood around talking. My brother in law went up ans asked if they could please hurry because we were now down to about 15 minutes. They were rude, told us we had to wait our turn and that was all they could do. My Brother in law tried to explain to the lady that we were down to about 15 minutes and she got ruder. A security guard came over and was rude, and combative. He actually pressed himself up to about an inch of my in aws chest and told him if he didn't go sit down he'd call more security. I decided it was time to try to de-escalate and tried to separate them, not physically, but encouraged my in law to walk away as I also tried to appeal to the TSA security guy's better nature. He had none. I went and asked for a supervisor to help, they said they would call one. I watched as the rude lady and the rude and combative TSA cop just walked away to the other side of a security fence and preceeded to mess with other bags. After about 5 more minutes I again appealed to a TSA agent, a different one and told the I didn't think we were going to be appeal to make our flight now, could they please help. This guy walked over said something to the two and suddenly we got our last 2 bags all while the one combative cop glared at us as if he wanted a fight. I ran to our gate, and got there after they had boarded, plead with the gate attendant and thankfully she said she'd see what see could do. In a few minutes the rest of the party got to the gate and by then the lady said it's fine, you can board. She also told me it's a good thing I hurried to get there or we would not have made it.
That was a bad deal, but I have some nice stories as well where they helped, and the gate attendants were helpful in getting us on a flight that had a really tight window. So some folks are just nice and some are just assholes and it shows up in their work as well.
My advice stay away from Newark, seems it's always a bad deal. Flew in about 10 years ago and our flight was experiencing a mechanical problem, they ran us all the way to the far end of another terminal to make another flight, they told us no room and ran us back to original gate. By the time we got there, it was pulling away. We spend the night on the floor waiting until the morning for a new flight.

I remember my 1st flight after 9/11. It was summer, and I tan easily. My hair was jet black & I had a full beard. It would have not been unreasonable to have pegged me as Middle Eastern. I was half expecting to be taken aside. At the time I would have been encouraged, that they were taking things seriously. Nobody gave me a second glance. It was kind of jaw dropping to watch them put a frail, elderly man on a walker thru the wringer. He was accompanied by his adult daughter, who was pretty irritated & tried to get them to ease off. One of the agents shouted at her "BACK OFF RIGHT NOW MA'AM!" I was incredulous and said "Seriously, bro?"

"That goes for you too, Sport!"

He called me Sport.

TSA is a bloated dog & pony show that routinely records failure rates north of 70% whenever DHS tests their "security" by easily getting simulated weapons, drugs & explosives aboard undetected. The most critical vulnerability exposed by 9/11 has been solved: cockpit doors are now all but impossible to breach. The rest of it is smoke and mirrors. It's long past time to abolish the TSA and let the private sector take a crack at it.

 

[Integrityrespec]

Just got back from Italy and TSA was mostly fine. The boarding process was a bit messing everywhere because there is no organization. The passengers start lining up earlier than called and it's just mass confusion.
On board the transatlantic flight I watched a late 20's looking couple come down the aisle, stop open overhead bins and put their carry on in it then proceed to the rear of the plan to their seats. No wonder the overheads are full before you get to you seats most of the time.