Did Jesus masturbate (1 Viewer)

[B L Zeebub]

I am unconvinced, although as a scholar of ancient texts, I found a piece of social intercourse between Pontius Pilot and a Pharisee where Pontius stated, bring before me that bearded wanker who rides any ass he can find.

I know this is not conclusive, please help.

Ps Jesus may have been female because a centurion was heard to exclaim, you mean the big **** on the donkey.

 

[Wiseone]

As a Christian all I can say is, I hope so.

 

[marduc]

I am unconvinced, although as a scholar of ancient texts, I found a piece of social intercourse between Pontius Pilot and a Pharisee where Pontius stated, bring before me that bearded wanker who rides any ass he can find.

I know this is not conclusive, please help.

Ps Jesus may have been female because a centurion was heard to exclaim, you mean the big **** on the donkey.

:rofl:rofl:rofl

dammit I wanted to come up with something original here, but did not have enough background info. After a google search I did not find my inspirational muse, however I did find good material I cannot claim as my own.

If the apocryphal books of the bible weren’t suppressed then everyone would know the answer is YES! Jesus wrestled the one eyed serpent in his hours of need repeatedly why do you think he was so relaxed by his 30’s

In the parable of Homocules (Book of Four Legged Fowl 3:21-428) we learn that one of Jesus’ gay friends is able to suppress his natural urges through masturbation. It seems that god cursed Homocules with the Gaybility of 10 normal poofters making it impossible for him to be around Jesus and his teenage friends for any length of time. Homocules hid his sin but one day Jesus caught him loin deep in meditation. Jesus really liked Homocules even though he was bound for hell so in his budding wisdom he determined that if Homocules let his arm go numb it would be as if a spirit committed the sin not him. But Homocules didn’t believe Jesus so Jesus demonstrated his technique “four and twenty times” to convince Homocules that it was lawful.

and:

I'd like to think so because before I masturbate, I ask, WWJD? and I think the answer is yes so I go ahead and spank it like a catholic nun.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090421151345AAU8pqD

alright, I did come up with some originality to respond with:

personally I wonder where all that extra protein came in order to be able to satiate 5,000 with five fish and five loaves of bread, Jesus may have saved up for quite a while for that miracle, or perhaps he got some assistance from his disciples, a holy circle jerk if you may?

 

[B L Zeebub]

I have to come clean for the reasons I posted this, Southern Ireland has just introduce new blasphemy laws, these are a direct attempt to stamp on freedom of speech.

If I wrote this and it was published, I and the publisher would be in court.

It is funny though

 

[paris]

It would explain why they used crucifixion in a time when impalement was more en vogue

 

[B L Zeebub]

It would explain why they used crucifixion in a time when impalement was more en vogue

Plasters, I think they should have just given him boxing gloves, but I suppose if they had done that we would not have had christmas

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

I have to come clean for the reasons I posted this, Southern Ireland has just introduce new blasphemy laws, these are a direct attempt to stamp on freedom of speech.

If I wrote this and it was published, I and the publisher would be in court.

It is funny though

I wouldn't be a free woman for long if that were the case here. :shock:

 

[danarhea]

I am unconvinced, although as a scholar of ancient texts, I found a piece of social intercourse between Pontius Pilot and a Pharisee where Pontius stated, bring before me that bearded wanker who rides any ass he can find.

I know this is not conclusive, please help.

Ps Jesus may have been female because a centurion was heard to exclaim, you mean the big **** on the donkey.

If Jesus didn't masturbate, then where did Michael Jackson get his "Jesus juice" from?

 

[American]

I wish I could see how any of this is funny.

 

[Tucker Case]

I am unconvinced, although as a scholar of ancient texts, I found a piece of social intercourse between Pontius Pilot and a Pharisee where Pontius stated, bring before me that bearded wanker who rides any ass he can find.

I know this is not conclusive, please help.

Ps Jesus may have been female because a centurion was heard to exclaim, you mean the big **** on the donkey.

I'm not sure about Jesus, but I know that before Moses parted the red sea, he parted some ass.

 

[niftydrifty]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YWeSXAXwQE"]YouTube- big burp[/ame]