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Canada searches for new country to compare to!

Jonsa

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Since work began on the 3,400 mile, 4 ft border hedge, Canada has been secretly searching for a new country to compare itself to since America is too sad.

Canada searches for new country to compare ourselves to now that U.S. is too sad - The Beaverton

The Canadian Government announced today that they are searching for a new benchmark country Canadians can compare to now that the situation in the U.S. has reached ‘this is fine’ meme levels.

‘We always liked comparing ourselves to America because of how good it makes us look,” said PM Justin Trudeau. “But now it kind of feels like an ok marathon runner comparing his time to a centipede that recently suffered a grievous injury. It’s just not fair.”

“What’s Ireland up to these days anyway?”

The decision to abandon the constant U.S. comparisons has been considered ever since Trump’s election. But after Canadian officials watched America’s incompetent response to the pandemic, the rise of QANON and that Alex Jones video where he screams at lifegaurds, the decision was made.

“They don’t even have the best basketball team anymore,” said one civil servant.

The selection process for our new comparison country could take months. Naturally Canada can’t select a country doing better than us since that would crush our fragile egos, so that rules out most of Europe and Asia. Britain is a strong contender given the Boris/Brexit thing, and some in the government are feeling “real good” about Brazil’s prospects.

“Personally my money is on South Africa. It has that history of colonization and racism that Canadians know well,” said another official.

The U.S. is unaware of Canada’s choice, as it is too busy comparing itself to the mythical version of America its textbooks tell them once existed.
 

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Why don't they compare themselves to Australia? I'm sure Britain does.
 

Barnacle

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Since work began on the 3,400 mile, 4 ft border hedge, Canada has been secretly searching for a new country to compare itself to since America is too sad.
Canada searches for new country to compare ourselves to now that U.S. is too sad - The Beaverton


I like satire ...

"... Naturally Canada can’t select a country doing better than us since that would crush our fragile egos, so that rules out most of Europe and Asia. Britain is a strong contender given the Boris/Brexit thing, and some in the government are feeling “real good” about Brazil’s prospects. ..."

... and that piece is the best part of it.

:lol:
 

truthatallcost

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More satire that's also mostly true: “Yeah, sorry, not happening,” said 37-year-old Harrisburg, PA resident Daniel Cooke, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who told reporters they will continue happily ignoring any and all stories about the Canadian government, the politics of Canada, or scandals involving Canadian politicians.

Nation Not About To Start Giving A Shit About Canadian Politics
 

Taylor

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Why does Canada have such a problem with self-esteem? Just be yourself, Canada. Quit comparing yourself to others. You're fine as you are.
 

Chagos

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Why does Canada have such a problem with self-esteem? Just be yourself, Canada. Quit comparing yourself to others. You're fine as you are.
Whoosh! :lol:
 

Chagos

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I like satire ...

"... Naturally Canada can’t select a country doing better than us since that would crush our fragile egos, so that rules out most of Europe and Asia. Britain is a strong contender given the Boris/Brexit thing, and some in the government are feeling “real good” about Brazil’s prospects. ..."

... and that piece is the best part of it.

:lol:
You'd probably like it even more if you could identify it for what it is.:lol:
 

Chagos

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Jonsa

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I like satire ...

"... Naturally Canada can’t select a country doing better than us since that would crush our fragile egos, so that rules out most of Europe and Asia. Britain is a strong contender given the Boris/Brexit thing, and some in the government are feeling “real good” about Brazil’s prospects. ..."

... and that piece is the best part of it.

:lol:


Yes. We Canadians enjoy good satire. We never lost the ability to laugh at ourselves. perhaps some day Americans will regain theirs.
 

Jonsa

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More satire that's also mostly true: “Yeah, sorry, not happening,” said 37-year-old Harrisburg, PA resident Daniel Cooke, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who told reporters they will continue happily ignoring any and all stories about the Canadian government, the politics of Canada, or scandals involving Canadian politicians.

Nation Not About To Start Giving A **** About Canadian Politics

Gotta luv the onion. Why should americans care any more than Canadians about our bull**** petty political scandals?
 

Drawdown

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TU Curmudgeon

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Since work began on the 3,400 mile, 4 ft border hedge, Canada has been secretly searching for a new country to compare itself to since America is too sad.

Canada searches for new country to compare ourselves to now that U.S. is too sad - The Beaverton

Canada is a country:

  • that was started by a bunch of drunks who didn’t know exactly what they were doing or why;

  • that was settled primarily by malcontents, second-raters, losers, and odd balls (well, OK, so maybe that isn’t all that unusual);

  • that chose as its ‘National Animal’ (well, one of them at any rate) a rodent so dumb that it has been known to chew its own penis off – the other one, the one that is actually unique to Canada, most people (including Canadians) don’t even know exists;

  • that is identified by its ‘National Bird’ (which isn’t really its ‘National Bird’ at all) which is a foul tempered flying poop factory;

  • that has two national sports, one of which is a fast paced, highly skilled, indigenous game based contest (that can be played almost anywhere) between low paid players wearing scant ‘body armor’ and the other of which is Hockey (a game predominantly reported with respect to American teams playing other American teams in American cities and which requires expensive facilities in order to be played with any regularity);

  • that chose as its ‘National Dream’ a railroad;

  • that chose as its ‘National Symbol’ a police officer;

  • that chose as one of its greatest war time leaders a man who got his political advice from his dog, a Ouija Board, and his mother (who happened to be dead);

  • that chose to turf out of office a peacetime leader who, lowered taxes (for everyone), balanced the budget, paid down the national debt, increased available services AND managed to maintain the traditional levels of graft and corruption;

  • that went for over 100 years before its government actually knew what the name of the country was;

  • that went for over 100 years before it could agree on what its flag was;

  • has a national anthem that is (likely) plagiarized (from the opening bars of Act 2 of “The Magic Flute”) – at least in part;

  • has a national anthem that was created by a group of people who wanted to secede from the Country;

  • didn’t have a national anthem for 113 years, and then had to buy one from the company that owned it;

  • where trying to answer the question "What is the Canadian Identity?" is trying to define the unknown in terms of the undefined, and where most people don't particularly care what the answer is;

  • where a random person is likely to know more of the lyrics to “At the Good Ol’ Hockey Game” then they are of the lyrics to the national anthem;

  • that is the only country in the world that the US has invaded and failed to either conquer, absorb, or foist an “American chosen” government on;

  • where the archetypical “outlaw” was noted for his politeness and unwillingness to kill;

  • knowingly and publicly accepted stolen US government property (and US military property at that) without either being in the least embarrassed or even apologizing for doing so); and

  • that the US government attempted to charge “import duties” when it delivered military equipment in response to the US government’s request for assistance in defending the United States of America against invasion;

  • that contains a significant minority (the “Quebecois”) which - despite the fact that got to name the game, set the rules, say when and where the game was to be played – still believes that it’s all the Other Guy’s fault that they lost despite the fact that their own government abandoned them (and the colony it didn’t want to have in the first place) just as fast as their local (and imported) leadership could get out of the country when offered the chance to do so.

Despite that it endures and people simply cannot understand why. (And Canada does apologize for that.)
 

Moi621

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Yes. We Canadians enjoy good satire. We never lost the ability to laugh at ourselves. perhaps some day Americans will regain theirs.

🇨🇦 should create its' own political board
and corral all 🇨🇦 to their own!


Moi 🇺🇸





no_canada.jpg
Restore Provinces FREEDOMS
and Autonomy




How many in Yukon really need Francais?
 

can2man

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Gotta luv the onion. Why should americans care any more than Canadians about our bull**** petty political scandals?
🇨🇦 should create its' own political board
and corral all 🇨🇦 to their own!


Moi 🇺🇸







View attachment 67307037
Restore Provinces FREEDOMS
and Autonomy




How many in Yukon really need Francais?
We are investing billions of dollars in Louisiana - hoping to revive the French tongue there. Other plans are under way as well but they cannot be disclosed. I do know this. One day, not today, but one day Americans will be really polite.
 

Moi621

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We are investing billions of dollars in Louisiana - hoping to revive the French tongue there. Other plans are under way as well but they cannot be disclosed. I do know this. One day, not today, but one day Americans will be really polite.

Et toi de meme



Acadia.gif
Viva Acadia liberte



 
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