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Three men show up at the Pearly Gates at about the same time. Saint Peter says "Welcome to Heaven, gentlemen... let me check your names..."
Each man gives his name. St. Peter checks the book and looks perplexed. "According to our records, none of you are actually due here for several more years," he says. "That's so unusual, would each of you mind explaining to me how you died?"
The first man said, "My alarm clock didn't go off. When I woke up it was almost noon. I hurried to get to the office so much, I was still tucking in my shirt and fixing my tie after I left the building and started down the street. All the sudden, out of nowhere, WHAM! A refrigerator falls on me and kills me stone dead! I don't know how that happened."
"Okay... come on in, I suppose," St. Peter says, then gestures for the next man to tell his story.
The man, a bit red-faced and embarassed looking, says "Well, it's like this. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I snuck home at lunchtime and tried to catch her. When I came in the house she looked sweaty and rumpled and guilty, and I just knew the guy had to be hiding somewhere. I looked under the bed, I looked in the closet, but nah, she's too smart for obvious places like that. I went out on the balcony of our tenth-floor apartment and looked down, and I saw this guy leaving the building, tucking in his shirt and fixing his tie. I just KNEW that was the guy! I was so mad, I picked up the refrigerator from the kitchen and threw it off the balcony at him!! The strain was so much that I had a heart attack and died right there."
"Um," Saint Peter says, "well you certainly pushed your luck with such a dying act, but you're in the Book, so you get into Heaven anyway." The second man passes the Pearly Gates with a sigh of relief.
Looking at the third man, St Peter says "Okay bub, what's your story?"
"Well, he-heh, you'll never believe this, but there I was," Bill Clinton said, "minding my own business, sitting in this refrigerator..."
:lamo
#2
A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?" To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked. "Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e." St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom. "I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?" St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her loser husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?" Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?" To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
Each man gives his name. St. Peter checks the book and looks perplexed. "According to our records, none of you are actually due here for several more years," he says. "That's so unusual, would each of you mind explaining to me how you died?"
The first man said, "My alarm clock didn't go off. When I woke up it was almost noon. I hurried to get to the office so much, I was still tucking in my shirt and fixing my tie after I left the building and started down the street. All the sudden, out of nowhere, WHAM! A refrigerator falls on me and kills me stone dead! I don't know how that happened."
"Okay... come on in, I suppose," St. Peter says, then gestures for the next man to tell his story.
The man, a bit red-faced and embarassed looking, says "Well, it's like this. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I snuck home at lunchtime and tried to catch her. When I came in the house she looked sweaty and rumpled and guilty, and I just knew the guy had to be hiding somewhere. I looked under the bed, I looked in the closet, but nah, she's too smart for obvious places like that. I went out on the balcony of our tenth-floor apartment and looked down, and I saw this guy leaving the building, tucking in his shirt and fixing his tie. I just KNEW that was the guy! I was so mad, I picked up the refrigerator from the kitchen and threw it off the balcony at him!! The strain was so much that I had a heart attack and died right there."
"Um," Saint Peter says, "well you certainly pushed your luck with such a dying act, but you're in the Book, so you get into Heaven anyway." The second man passes the Pearly Gates with a sigh of relief.
Looking at the third man, St Peter says "Okay bub, what's your story?"
"Well, he-heh, you'll never believe this, but there I was," Bill Clinton said, "minding my own business, sitting in this refrigerator..."
:lamo
#2
A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?" To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked. "Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e." St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom. "I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?" St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her loser husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?" Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?" To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
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