Any parents who's kids are gay? (1 Viewer)

[CLAX1911]

Ah, I hadn't known that, and I'd bet your mom didn't, either.

Thanks for this information.

Yeah I didn't know that about giving blood either I think that rule has changed since then but would they ask and I'd give him blood before and I said no yeah I mean I've done that and so we can't accept blood from you okay.

 

[CLAX1911]

That is so neat! And something that you'll always remember about her - and about yourself.

If this is the one conversation that I have a real hard time with. If someone asks I'll tell them whatever they want to know. But I don't want this to be left unsaid. They don't ask. And I'm specifically talking about when I was a kid. I almost get this feeling like they want to.

 

[Pyrite]

But like I said maybe to you maybe to someone else anytime the subject comes up that anyway acknowledges my sexuality there's this awkward silence in the air. And I wonder why.

People might wonder how they're supposed to react, because they don't want to unwittingly say something that could offend or upset you. Or not say something.

It takes time for society to catch up.

 

[Pyrite]

If this is the one conversation that I have a real hard time with. If someone asks I'll tell them whatever they want to know. But I don't want this to be left unsaid. They don't ask. And I'm specifically talking about when I was a kid. I almost get this feeling like they want to.

You could be right, that people are interested in you, interested in the topic in general....but maybe they don't want to give offense by somehow saying the wrong thing.

 

[CLAX1911]

People might wonder how they're supposed to react, because they don't want to unwittingly say something that could offend or upset you. Or not say something.

It takes time for society to catch up.

Yeah when I first told them I was pretty upset when I told them they knew I was dealing with some s*** because things leading up to that we're pretty rough. I was drinking a lot and stuff like that. But I had to remind myself that I had known about this since I was 12 years old and well like I said I'd confessed to looking at pictures on the internet when I was about 18 and they were really grilling my brother about it poor brother. But by the time I was 27 and I told them no this isn't a phase faces don't last 10 years this is something that's permanent.

 

[CLAX1911]

You could be right, that people are interested in you, interested in the topic in general....but maybe they don't want to give offense by somehow saying the wrong thing.

It's not that I'm worried about offending people that's that this is probably my issue, but I don't want to be seen as that guy that talks about being gay all the time.

 

[Pyrite]

It's not that I'm worried about offending people that's that this is probably my issue, but I don't want to be seen as that guy that talks about being gay all the time.

Oh, no, I meant other people might be worried about offending or upsetting you.

I remember sharing a table at the local university with a friend my age (early 40's) and her younger (early 20's) friends, all students, most of whom were gay. The conversations were really interesting to me.

When we're with our gay daughter, our daughter-in-law, and their friends, I learn a lot.

 

[CLAX1911]

Oh, no, I meant other people might be worried about offending or upsetting you.

I remember sharing a table at the local university with a friend my age (early 40's) and her younger (early 20's) friends, all students, most of whom were gay. The conversations were really interesting to me.

When we're with our gay daughter, our daughter-in-law, and their friends, I learn a lot.

Oh, yeah I can see that most of my friends that I have I've had since long before they knew I was gay. One of my friends she's a lady she'll ask me whatever what's your type of guy what are you looking for in a guy how many guys have you dated that kind of thing is there anyone special and that sort of stuff so she's always very easy to talk to about that stuff.

But the other friends kind of have to pull things out of them and they reluctantly tell me something they think that I may not agree with but I don't have to agree with everyone about everything to be friends.

 

[Pyrite]

Oh, yeah I can see that most of my friends that I have I've had since long before they knew I was gay. One of my friends she's a lady she'll ask me whatever what's your type of guy what are you looking for in a guy how many guys have you dated that kind of thing is there anyone special and that sort of stuff so she's always very easy to talk to about that stuff.

But the other friends kind of have to pull things out of them and they reluctantly tell me something they think that I may not agree with but I don't have to agree with everyone about everything to be friends.

"But I don't have to agree with everyone about everything to be friends."

An insight some of us haven't figured out yet.

It's been great chatting with you, but I'm going to have say good-by for now. (It's after 2:00 am here in Ohio.) Sounds as if you're at a good place in life (and that's something that makes parents very, very happy).

Have a good weekend.

 

[CLAX1911]

"But I don't have to agree with everyone about everything to be friends."

An insight some of us haven't figured out yet.

I think a lot of people forget how to disagree. And that having different views doesn't necessarily mean the other person's views are wrong.

It's been great chatting with you, but I'm going to have say good-by for now. (It's after 2:00 am here in Ohio.) Sounds as if you're at a good place in life (and that's something that makes parents very, very happy).

Have a good weekend.

Thank you for your insight I very much appreciate it. And you have a good weekend as well.

 

[Aries]

I hope my experience is acceptable because I don't have children and I'm not gay.

My older brothers are gay though, they came out to me when I was 16. At the time l was really ignorant of what gay people were actually like. It opened my eyes a lot about more than just homosexulality, completely changed my perspective about people in general.

They never came out to our parents (thay have both passed), l think they were right in not doing so. Our dad would have completely disowned them. He wouldn't have questioned himself about if it was something he had done, shit he might have even killed them, hence my own ignorance.

I think our mom knew, when I was 18 I tried to gage where she was at. She said she didn't want to know. I think she left the words 'for sure' unspoken. She was quite intuitive to the point of almost being clairvoyant. She still would have love them though I can't say for if she would have accepted it.

 

[CLAX1911]

I hope my experience is acceptable because I don't have children and I'm not gay.

My older brothers are gay though, they came out to me when I was 16. At the time l was really ignorant of what gay people were actually like. It opened my eyes a lot about more than just homosexulality, completely changed my perspective about people in general.

They never came out to our parents (thay have both passed), l think they were right in not doing so. Our dad would have completely disowned them. He wouldn't have questioned himself about if it was something he had done, shit he might have even killed them, hence my own ignorance.

I think our mom knew, when I was 18 I tried to gage where she was at. She said she didn't want to know. I think she left the words 'for sure' unspoken. She was quite intuitive to the point of almost being clairvoyant. She still would have love them though I can't say for if she would have accepted it.

Yeah your perspective is interesting. And I'm glad you posted it. But what my parents told me growing up about it and I remember believing some of that stuff but they were pretty ignorant about it too as was I.

That's a facet of this I didn't consider.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Soon ever since I came out to my parents they've been a little standoffish with regard to my sexuality. Not so much like they're disapproving just that they don't want to talk about it. And the way they dismiss the subject. So my partner and I had visited for dinner and just to be with my parents for a little bit. And my partner certainly noticed it and he's got a much different relationship with his parents I said they don't talk at all. But I had a thought when I was thinking about it. Do they feel like they failed me like something they did caused me to be gay? Do parents feel this way is this something you've dealt with with your children?

Any insight from parents or people who have parents will be welcome and appreciated.

I have two grown children, if either of them would have been gay I would love them equally, of course.
However, I would imagine there would be a period of time to adjust for a parent.
You need to understand what they envisioned for you. The life they thought you would have. Marriage, grandchildren etc.
And that is gone.
That is a very big deal for them. That will take a bit of time.