Why adultery can help save a marriage

I can see some reasons where adultery might "save a marriage." An extreme example might be where one of the two became permanently physically impaired where sex was not a possibility. An unspoken indiscretion might become a superior alternative, though certainly a rare situation.

Bonnie1988 said:

South Dakota Codified Laws

25-4-2. Grounds for divorce. Divorces may be granted for any of the following causes:
(1) Adultery;
(2) Extreme cruelty;
(3) Willful desertion;
(4) Willful neglect;
(5) Habitual intemperance;
(6) Conviction of felony;
(7) Irreconcilable differences.

#4 and #7 basically make it no-fault. I don't think #6 should be on the list.

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I support #6 because of what the felony could be; especially if no children are involved due to how a felony conviction will hinder the convicted spruce's ability to get a decent job or line of credit.

Jerry said:

I support #6 because of what the felony could be; especially if no children are involved due to how a felony conviction will hinder the convicted spruce's ability to get a decent job or line of credit.

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I imagine a spruce would have a rather difficult time getting a job whether or not it had ever been convicted. Its employment opportunities would probably be limited to seasonal work.

1069 said:

I imagine a spruce would have a rather difficult time getting a job whether or not it had ever been convicted. Its employment opportunities would probably be limited to seasonal work.

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Spruces get big money this time of year. :mrgreen:

1069 said:

I imagine a spruce would have a rather difficult time getting a job whether or not it had ever been convicted. Its employment opportunities would probably be limited to seasonal work.

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"Hello little spruce, what would you like to be when you grow up?"

"I wana be a porch!"

Dumb Bitch From the Article said:

'You could think of [cheating] as a radical but necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator.'

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An affair is just a symptom of a bigger problem. She's basically saying the symptom can help solve the problem, because it makes people more aware of the problem and more willing to solve it.

Hmmm... Where have I heard that before?

If you get hungry, you should find something to eat.
If you get a runny nose, you should take some antihistamine.
If you get a phone call from a bill collector, you should arrange to pay your debt.
If you want to cheat on your spouse, you should figure out what's wrong with your marriage.

Wait a minute, I'm starting to recognize a pattern here...

If a symptom is bothering you, solve the problem.

Amazing. After thirty years of research and practice, the culmination of her colossal knowledge and wisdom advises people to utilize one of the most basic survival mechanisms of life as we know it. For this mind-blowing and revolutionary gem of pragmatic thought, she gets one of my favorite images:



"When a bad thing happens, it's a good thing, because then people will fix it." I think I've read that before -- on someone's refrigerator! By that logic, drinking an 18-pack and beating the crap out of your wife can jump-start your marriage too! Well, at least then she'd be painfully aware of the symptoms. But she should be happy, because a good and thorough beating every now and then can be the proverbial Jaws of Life for a marriage! Good grief...

If people can't recognize that their marriage has problems until after they go off and cheat, then maybe that's the real problem she should be trying to help solve. Recognize the symptoms, then determine and solve the underlying problem(s). This is basic stuff. Thirty years of counseling people on their relationships, and she's focusing on "look on the bright side!" Color me not impressed. :roll:

MrVicchio said:

Yeah... no, though I'm sure Bonnie will love this one.

Gonna have to disagree completely here. Marriage is a committement to one person for life affair. If you cheat, you betray, you abuse the trust, the loyalty...

I just can't accept the premise here.

At all.

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It's a commitment placed on both spouses. What if one spouse stops being committed to the other by withholding emotionally and physically? Are they not breaking that commitment? Why would you go out for hamburger when you have steak at home. Answer: when there's no steak at home. I've heard a lot of people talk about the lack of passion in their marriage, and wondered where the promise went. The promise to forsake all others rests upon another promise, that you'll get what you need at home. Who wants to argue that the promise to forsake all others is a one-sided promise? Marriage is a contract, and contracts have mutual benefits otherwise they wouldn't exist. Do you go to Best Buy to watch TV when you have one at home? Only if it's broke.