Well okay, I'm a young *straight* guy and I get my fair share of odd things but I don't know what people would consider weird? I dated a girl who was obsessed with me dripping hot wax over her body? But that's not too weird too me. The ones that *weird* me out the most are the gay ones and I get one gay guy hitting on me every month. I dress well?
So this is a CREEPY weird one that sounds like it came out of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The best part is it involves an army sergeant that LOOKS just like the gay buff soldier guy in that movie.
Anyway, there was a time when I was 19 and taking a greyhound bus upstate. I was in a small city waiting for my next bus, the station was practically dead empty. Well, I get hot and took a step outside outside, I mean so hot I could see the steam come off of me and all the sudden this huge 6'5, bald, BUFF 40 year old sergeant with a thick mustache comes out of the station and stands next to me, starts smoking. Kay, I guess.
Looks just like him. I was a toothpick back then.
I look at him, he nods at me and all I can think of is how he easily benches 300. I weighed about 150 at the time, 6'2. Anyway, we start talking, find out we'll be on the same bus...then we start talking about girls and stuff, you know that's cool I guess till...
Scary Sgt: Yeah, well I like 'em young, *love* em young like, 16 or 18. Like your age, you know.
Me: Eh, who doesn't? (Heh...)
Scary sgt So how old are ya?
Me: 19
Scary sgt: Yeah, well I bet a young guy like you does really well with the girls, huh? Bet you have shortayz left and right.
Me: Yea, I guess, I'm actually heading to go see this girl right now actually.
Scary Sgt: Yeah? You going to give her some of that soft, moist lips of yours when you see her.
:sinking: totally freaking out at this point. Outside. Dark. No one really around. I try to play it cool though :sinking:
Me: Her friend is picking me up in her SUV and she's gonna 'let us use her trunk.' (did not happen :/ )
Scary Sgt Trunk sex, huh?
Me Alright, well I'm freezing, I'm gonna go back in, yeah? Finish your cigarette.
I go back in, he follows a few moments later and then comes over and sits next to me. I put my music on. He gets drowsy, his head moving ever closer to my shoulder. Eventually the bus arrives. I *MAKE* sure he gets on the bus before me so he won't *invite* himself to sit next to me. When I get on the bus, almost everyone is asleep and about half full. Anyway, I walk pass the guy and he has jacket spread over his lap so I can't see what's under it and he shouts almost,
Scary Sgt Hey, man, come sit next to me, let's talk more!
Me Nah, I'm good, I'm just going to go sit by myself.
Scary Sgt Really?! You sure!?
I just walk pass him, he makes a sour face, and as I pass, I watch his hands go under the jacket and the sound of ZZZZZZIIIPPPPPPpPPPP.
*If you were expecting a more exciting, satisfying ending...F U!*