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Was I wrong?

Was I wrong to ask her to stop?

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 4.4%

  • No

    Votes: 43 95.6%
  • Total voters
    45

You were correct in asking her to stop and in fact I would have asked her to stop earlier than a minute and to talk to me about her "discrimination" worries another time and with witnesses when she first tried to bring it up. Bring along another parent to the meeting. Tell the city and her that you will record her in the future and if she does not like that then she should not speak to you as you are protecting yourself. Good luck and as a fellow coach I feel your pain. Some parents are just ****ing assholes.
 
I messed up the poll. I meant to hit NO but hit YES for some stupid reason. Sorry.
 
Kreton said:
So you think I shouldn't have said anything? I am thinking now if i just let her finish to the whole group, get it off her chest it may have ended right then and there and she may not have brought it back up and no problems.
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But it didn't end... you said she went to you, then parents, then your team and then the city council... she has problems.
 
Kreton said:
Just to add, i've been coaching for some years, and I have never had a parent complain about me. At least not to my knowledge. If they did the city didnt feel the need to call me about it.
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:shrug: we live in a world where the hyper-offended are encouraged or enabled in launching lawsuits. They're probably scared of a bunch of bad press / legal settlement / etc. and want to make sure everything is on the up and up. It's not impossible that the women came to practice intending to keep acting this way in order to be told to go away precisely so they could sue.

I think you'll probably be fine. I'm sorry to say I won't be astonished if you are asked to step down as coach. But really I feel bad for their daughter .
 
Bodhisattva said:
But it didn't end... you said she went to you, then parents, then your team and then the city council... she has problems.
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So you're the other yes vote. :lol:
 
I've only read the first two pages, but here are my thoughts.

Someone mentioned they're looking for an issue to push, and I agree with that. If it were me, I'd calmly and rationally explain what happen to the city, and let the chips fall where they may. To be honest, if I didn't get full 100% backing I would probably resign. I feel that anything less than full exoneration would weaken my position and ability to properly coach.

But that's just me, and I would understand if you chose to continue.
 
So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
 
I think what really looked bad too was she said I said exactly certain things, that I definitely did not word that way, but I kept saying I don't remember exactly what I said. She was way more certain and emotional than I was, and I was pretty sure I came across as not caring.
 

No.

IMO, you made it clear from the start that the issue wasn't the lesbian couple's sexual orientation as parents nor your accepting the responsibility to coach their daughter. It was their approach to ensuring that everyone including the kids knew they were a lesbian couple and that no matter what their daughter was going to play softball or someone would answer for it.

My opinion: You're better off without the headache considering their sole purpose didn't appear to be who would coach their daughter but rather "Eeeewww! Look at us, we're lesbians!" I think alot of people would have had a problem with them, too, because it's clear they weren't looking for a team to place their daughter with. They were looking for a reason to pick a fight, somewhere to make a stand and apparently they found it.

Good Luck to you. Based on what you've outlined above, I'd say you handled yourself and the situation very well in spite of it all.

I don't think you were wrong in trying to keep the focus on playing softball and teaching the children the sport.
 
Time to start wearing a camera all the time to record all interactions with parents, I think. The liberal world has forced it to come to that.
 

according to her, the reason she was acting that way was because of the look i gave when she told me they were together, the looks from other parents, and my wanting to get away. Her opinion is I caused her to address it. I cant say anything about the look on my face, but i dont react in any way to same sex couples. I know a few, I really don't care who is with who. I dont believe at all that I made a face in reaction to her.
 

Sounds like she gets those looks from everybody. In other words, if you look hard enough, you will find it.
 

LoL, sorry but I'm going to have to call bs at this point. Either you are grossly unaware of the things you say and you're not communicating that part of the story with us OR this is just a made up partisan story OR you live in bizarro land.

The story is just too over the top and everything is too perfectly aggravating just like a Fox news narrative.

 

I have no reason to make anything up, i dont watch fox news and am not really partisan and certainly don't have any anti homosexual agenda. Believe what you'd like though. I started this because i was curious if people thought i was out of line, since i am at times oblivious to some things and have been inadvertantly un pc in the past.

And the only thing I said that may have been inappropriate, emphasis on may have been, was saying "gay". But I didnt say or mean it as derogatory, but that part I can somewhat understand her misinterpreting. That I could have worded better and knew it right after it was said. Nothing else I know of I said was I grossly unaware. I am presenting on here my side of what happened, probably not going to invite her in, but i listed what she said were how I made her react.
 
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She is one of those rarities, a militant lesbian who is trying to draw attention to her "cause" in the most public forum available to her. You just happened to be her first stop on the way to city hall, the local news, and if she's "lucky" a few national headlines. Keep your head down, tell the truth, and wait for her to show her true colors to those she's trying to use to further her agenda.
 

Wow. Just... wow. If I'd been you, I'd have simply refused to apologize for things that never happened and, realizing the folks I "worked" for had so little respect for me and my word, I would have resigned and found other coaching venues. This season will not end well for you, with a lying assistant coach who holds her own personal agenda above the good of the kids on the team, and the game itself.
 

its not going to go that far. at least not at this point. she seems happy that i apologized and her child back on the team, and being an assistant coach to help control that. She is convincing. I want to believe she was trying to play an agenda to get some free sports, but she honestly seemed offended when we were all meeting. I dont know what to think. I probalby could have handled it better, certainly could have been better in the meeting, but i am hoping we can all focus on t ball. Sorrys have been said.
 

the thought crossed my mind, but i want to be a high school coach or maybe further. to do that i need a solid coaching resume. If i quit over this, i could not use the city as a reference of experience. Potential actual coaching job may call for a reference and there is no way that can be worded to sound good for me. I left after a problem with a homosexual couple. No matter how that is worded, I come out looking like a bigot.
 

I hope you're right. Honestly, I know so many gays and lesbians, and I've never met one who behaved the way you described, so I honestly believe that it's more about her being an asshole... they exist everywhere... than the fact that she's homosexual. That's just the ax she uses to get her way. The lesbians I know would be horrified by that behavior.
 

Perhaps you should contact child protective services.

There is something very, very wrong with that mother, and the way she is sexually-grooming her child.

Sounds like you have plenty of witnesses to what really did or did not transpire, and who can vouch for you that you did not say or do anything inappropriate; and who can equally attest to that mother's inappropriate behavior.
 

And to get out of paying for a service for her child, that every other parent with a child receiving that service is paying for.
 
I don't get the sense that she was looking for free sports for her kid... though she was obviously willing to accept it. I sense that she has deeper social issues she is trying to force on others, and/OR she is setting the city up for a lawsuit.
 

I am not going to do anything to further this. Despite being embarassing, I don't know whether she is a good parent or not. I have no desire to see this go any further. There is no way that me calling social services ends well.
 
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