These two stories

[overnightthinker]

I wrote these two stories. Which do you feel is a better story. Both are true.

These are just the summaries of each story...

"My Brother's Bones"
A woman who hasn't seen her brother for thirty years, because he was in prison, gets a call Monday morning telling her that her brother died. Then the person asks, what do you want us to do with the bones because they don't always burn up in the cremation. She's upset, she hangs up. Thursday morning, there's a knock at the door. There's a delivery man ... with a box ... and in the box is a bag... and in the bag is ... her brother. She throws up for eight hours and gives herself a hernia.

"Oh ... Grandpa"
A woman goes to visit her grandpa in the hospital. The nurse tells her that he had chemo and lost a lot of weight, 'you might not recognize him.' So she goes to his room, lays beside him and says, 'oh... grandpa, you'll be alright.' Then the nurse walks by and say, "What are you doing, that's not your grandpa, your grandpa's down the hallway getting chemo." The guy in bed looks up and says, "I wasn't going to tell her." Her husband laughs for five minutes straight, and the wife leaves the husband at the hospital.

So which of the two do you think is better. If you want to read the full stories you can

YouTube - overnightthinker's Channel

 

[overnightthinker]

Actually, I'll let you watch each one of them...
I am just curious to know which one of these are considered better. I wrote a first book already, and before I write a second book, I want to get critiques and comparisons of each story... Anyway, these are the two stories... you can read them right off of youtube. The first book is in print version only.

YouTube - Taxi Overnight "My Brother's Bones"



YouTube - Taxi Overnight "Oh ... Grandpa"

 

[americanwoman]

If you want some truth you are going to get it right now. So don't read any further if you can't handle it.







I think they are both unenganging and rather silly. I don't see how those are summaries and how you could elaborate more to make them into actual stories. They sound more like an anecdote or something like that. I don't know if that's what you are aiming for but to me that's what it comes across as. I personally didn't really like either of them very much. Not much substance and nothing really original. I thought the grandpa one was bordering on stupid. I am sorry if this is something you worked hard on, but please take this as constructive criticism and just work on your skills.

 

[talloulou]

I wrote these two stories. Which do you feel is a better story. Both are true.

These are just the summaries of each story...

"My Brother's Bones"
A woman who hasn't seen her brother for thirty years, because he was in prison, gets a call Monday morning telling her that her brother died. Then the person asks, what do you want us to do with the bones because they don't always burn up in the cremation. She's upset, she hangs up. Thursday morning, there's a knock at the door. There's a delivery man ... with a box ... and in the box is a bag... and in the bag is ... her brother. She throws up for eight hours and gives herself a hernia.

"Oh ... Grandpa"
A woman goes to visit her grandpa in the hospital. The nurse tells her that he had chemo and lost a lot of weight, 'you might not recognize him.' So she goes to his room, lays beside him and says, 'oh... grandpa, you'll be alright.' Then the nurse walks by and say, "What are you doing, that's not your grandpa, your grandpa's down the hallway getting chemo." The guy in bed looks up and says, "I wasn't going to tell her." Her husband laughs for five minutes straight, and the wife leaves the husband at the hospital.

So which of the two do you think is better. If you want to read the full stories you can

YouTube - overnightthinker's Channel

The first story sounds incredibly lame unless there's some supernatural stuff that goes along with it based on the bones. Throwing up for 8 hours is not possible.

I saw a show that's similar to the second story. It involved the true story of some young gals who were involved in a fatal car crash with a fire. One gal survived but was misidentified as the wrong families daughter due to the amount of disfigurement, a coma, and severe brain damage. It took quite I few I months as I recall for the woman to be correctly identified and reunited with her actual family after coming out of her coma. It was a pretty remarkable story.