Spanking: Is it still an effective method of discipline?

Let me state this: Though retired I know quite a few kids and their parents. Kids nowadays are labeled as lazy, entitled, spoiled, and snarky.
Not my experience. I could post dozens of studies that show that children that are spanked are actually more likely to grow up wanting to spank their kids than parents who use other methods to discipline.

Of all the parents I know, none use spanking, and their kids are doing fine. Mind you, that is just from a casual observation, not exactly a scientific study.

Still................... spanking is still perceived as a necessary form of discipline. And arguments for and against can become quite intense. Typically "Don't tell me how to discipline my child!"

So, straight up, is spanking effective? Or, as it is happening in some countries, should be outlawed? Even if not outlawed, should it still be used as a form of discipline in this day and age?

Gen-X here, I still think it is effective, but I get why people want to move away from it. I think the problem you see today is the lack of consequences. Too many parents are hands off, they don't have time or the patience to actually be parents.

Seems like abuse to me.

I remember my OWN Mother saying to HER peers - spanking a child is a sign that the adult has no ability to effectively discipline their child and has resorted to violence.

She was born in 1941 and grew up in the era where spanking/belting/whooping, etc was the norm.

The single most impactful discipline I ever received from her and my father was the one time they told me that they were disappointed in me and the choices I had made

No. I don’t agree with spanking. I can see swatting the hand of a toddler that’s reaching for a hot stove, etc but that’s about the extent of it.

Otherwise, I think spanking shows a lack of control and a lack of critical thinking ability on the part of a parent.

Hitting your child because they’ve done something wrong doesn’t teach them anything other than Mom/Dad will hit them.

There's no reason for it.
Both my daughters turned out great

Considering the age difference between a patent and a child, they ought to be able to outwit them.

SNOWFLAKE said:

Let me state this: Though retired I know quite a few kids and their parents. Kids nowadays are labeled as lazy, entitled, spoiled, and snarky.
Not my experience. I could post dozens of studies that show that children that are spanked are actually more likely to grow up wanting to spank their kids than parents who use other methods to discipline.

Of all the parents I know, none use spanking, and their kids are doing fine. Mind you, that is just from a casual observation, not exactly a scientific study.

Still................... spanking is still perceived as a necessary form of discipline. And arguments for and against can become quite intense. Typically "Don't tell me how to discipline my child!"

So, straight up, is spanking effective? Or, as it is happening in some countries, should be outlawed? Even if not outlawed, should it still be used as a form of discipline in this day and age?

Click to expand...

depends how it's done, and in what atmosphere, etc...

SNOWFLAKE said:

Let me state this: Though retired I know quite a few kids and their parents. Kids nowadays are labeled as lazy, entitled, spoiled, and snarky.
Not my experience. I could post dozens of studies that show that children that are spanked are actually more likely to grow up wanting to spank their kids than parents who use other methods to discipline.

Of all the parents I know, none use spanking, and their kids are doing fine. Mind you, that is just from a casual observation, not exactly a scientific study.

Still................... spanking is still perceived as a necessary form of discipline. And arguments for and against can become quite intense. Typically "Don't tell me how to discipline my child!"

So, straight up, is spanking effective? Or, as it is happening in some countries, should be outlawed? Even if not outlawed, should it still be used as a form of discipline in this day and age?

Click to expand...

History has long shown that certainty of punishment is more important than severity. If a parent says "this is your last warning" or "do that again and I'll..." more than once, then they've lost credibility and no punishment is really a deterrent. But if the child is told to stop (or the act was so egregious no warning was necessary) and then actually, immediately, punished, then pretty much any punishment is a deterrent.

I was never spanked, but I never got a second warning and learned early on to obey immediately. Same with my kids. But spanking (as long as it's not in anger) consistently and predictably applied can also be effective.

SNOWFLAKE said:

Let me state this: Though retired I know quite a few kids and their parents. Kids nowadays are labeled as lazy, entitled, spoiled, and snarky.
Not my experience. I could post dozens of studies that show that children that are spanked are actually more likely to grow up wanting to spank their kids than parents who use other methods to discipline.

Of all the parents I know, none use spanking, and their kids are doing fine. Mind you, that is just from a casual observation, not exactly a scientific study.

Still................... spanking is still perceived as a necessary form of discipline. And arguments for and against can become quite intense. Typically "Don't tell me how to discipline my child!"

So, straight up, is spanking effective? Or, as it is happening in some countries, should be outlawed? Even if not outlawed, should it still be used as a form of discipline in this day and age?

Click to expand...

If you're a caveman, clobbering your offspring is a viable tool to discipline your child. If you're living in a First World society, with all the tools you have available, and you have to hit your kid to discipline them, you're probably not equipped to be a parent. That's my opinion.

pinqy said:

If a parent says "this is your last warning" or "do that again and I'll..." more than once, then they've lost credibility and no punishment is really a deterrent

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I think also taking the time ahead of time to explain rules and expectations is also critical.

My kid probably thinks I’m a broken record or <insert Gen Alpha term for lame here> but to this day, we will be going somewhere and I will say in the car

“Now, what are the rules”

He rolls his eyes and tells me the rules.

BirdinHand said:

I think also taking the time ahead of time to explain rules and expectations is also critical.

My kid probably thinks I’m a broken record or <insert Gen Alpha term for lame here> but to this day, we will be going somewhere and I will say in the car

“Now, what are the rules”

He rolls his eyes and tells me the rules.

Click to expand...

Good point. I think that's part of certainty: A punishment can't be a deterrent if the child doesn't know that the behavior will be punished. Or if the rules are applied inconsistently. My siblings and I rarely misbehaved because we knew how we were expected to behave and it didn't even occur to us to do differently.

tshade said:

depends how it's done, and in what atmosphere, etc...

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I agree. If your kid is about to put their hand on a hot stove and get permanent damage, a quick but not too hard hand/butt smack can be effective in the heat of the moment. That kind of thing so I can't fully say 'no' but no spanking as a consequence of a rule broken or discipline.

Only as a final resort have I smacked my child on the butt. I can count on one hand how many times that I felt it was necessary. For me it was for shock value as it was done so rarely.
If you're talking about putting a kid over your knee and smacking a bunch of times, no. I don't agree with 'spanking' in that manner.

I think it depends. I needed the whoopings i got as a kid.

My son, on the other hand, could be reasoned with from an early age and didn't need physical reinforcement, so he didn't get any, despite the fact that i was prepared to give it, if I felt it was required.

I'm not against a spanking if that's what it takes to get through to a kid. Not a beating, not in anger, but a physical consequence that is accompanied with an explanation and an affirmation that the child is still loved, and only when no other method proves useful in getting through to the kid.

And I think it should stop entirely when they are old enough to grasp the situation intellectually. Spankings past 5 or 6 years old would be inappropriate to me.

every kid is different - most need spankings/physical discipline of some kind

4 years old cannot logic/reason like an adult. They do understand do this = good, don't do this = a little physical pain

discipline early on means not having to do nearly as much later on IMO

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If you can’t spank your neighbor for bad behaviour, spanking your child shouldn’t be done

Lord Tammerlain said:

If you can’t spank your neighbor for bad behaviour, spanking your child shouldn’t be done

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Mmm... that doesn't make sense. Either your neighbor is an adult, in which case a spanking is not going to influence their behavior (unless they're into that sort of thing... hehe), or it's a kid, in which case that's not your job.

Also, it's not your job to prevent your neighbor from turning into an asshole when they grow up... hehe

pinqy said:

Good point. I think that's part of certainty: A punishment can't be a deterrent if the child doesn't know that the behavior will be punished. Or if the rules are applied inconsistently. My siblings and I rarely misbehaved because we knew how we were expected to behave and it didn't even occur to us to do differently.

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Yep.

My kiddo really doesn’t misbehave. But we always cover the rules and he knows that I am serious about enforcing them.

Go to the pool/beach and act like maniac? Mom will make him pack up all the stuff and go home in a hot minute.

Go to a restaurant and don’t act properly? I’ll pay the check and walk out before the food even hits the table.

And we go home and he doesn’t get to play games, go outside, etc…he finds himself doing something chore wise. Because I can always find some sort of chore that needs to be done. And if we can’t behave ourselves in public? Then we get to just stay home and do one of the never ending number of things that always have to be done at home. Because you’re an equal member of this house and going out and doing things, etc is a reward. We don’t reward bad behavior, we reward good behavior.

I’m big on rewarding good behavior, good grades, good personality traits and citizenship such as holding doors, saying please/thank you, helping other people, etc.

But…I also listen to him

Today - for example - is “activity day” at school. They have a whole day of activities outside planned and he just was NOT feeling it. The entire past week or so has been one “exciting” thing after another and he was just…done.

He came to me last night and then again this morning and told me he really didn’t want to go. He was burned out and needed a down day and a break.

. I get it kid. Let me email your teachers and tell them you won’t be there today. Good on you for being honest, telling me the truth and explaining and asking. Mom understands, agreed and you don’t have to do it. Let’s have a chill morning and go to the pool later where it won’t be as crowded and you can just relax.

stealthycat said:

every kid is different - most need spankings/physical discipline of some kind

4 years old cannot logic/reason like an adult. They do understand do this = good, don't do this = a little physical pain

discipline early on means not having to do nearly as much later on IMO

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Why does “don’t do this” need to equal hitting your kid?

Can’t come up with a different idea of discipline?

Have to resort to physical violence?

BirdinHand said:

I think also taking the time ahead of time to explain rules and expectations is also critical.

My kid probably thinks I’m a broken record or <insert Gen Alpha term for lame here> but to this day, we will be going somewhere and I will say in the car

“Now, what are the rules”

He rolls his eyes and tells me the rules.

Click to expand...

pinqy said:

Good point. I think that's part of certainty: A punishment can't be a deterrent if the child doesn't know that the behavior will be punished. Or if the rules are applied inconsistently. My siblings and I rarely misbehaved because we knew how we were expected to behave and it didn't even occur to us to do differently.

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I agree. This is the difference between disciplining your kid and beating your kid. I do not condone beating one's children.

BirdinHand said:

Why does “don’t do this” need to equal hitting your kid?

Can’t come up with a different idea of discipline?

Have to resort to physical violence?

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yes, you can pinch them really hard under their arms and that gets their attention too

"physical violence" lol

BirdinHand said:

Why does “don’t do this” need to equal hitting your kid?

Can’t come up with a different idea of discipline?

Have to resort to physical violence?

Click to expand...

Because kids don't always listen and then can't always intellectualize what you're trying to say to them.

Is it better to give your 3 year old a spanking after telling them multiple times not to run into the street with no success, or is it better that they be hit by a car?

OlNate said:

Because kids don't always listen and then can't always intellectualize what you're trying to say to them.

Is it better to give your 3 year old a spanking after telling them multiple times not to run into the street with no success, or is it better that they be hit by a car?

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if your kid doesn’t listen to you about not running into the street, why do you keep putting them in situations where they can run into the street? You’re the adult, you control the environment and surroundings. And they literally make leashes, etc for kids that you can put in your child. Know your child, know their developmental stage, know the limitations of that and stop expecting them to think and reason like an adult.



That’s a parenting failure, not a kid failure.


Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for and kids can be quickly trained with consistency and repetitive behavior.

My ADHD non-verbal toddler knew he didn’t get out of the CAR without a life jacket on at the marina.

He knew he didn’t go out to crowded places without his “leash backpack”.

Because we were CONSISTENT about those things - every single time - and those were the rules. Because I knew those boundaries needed to be firm and consistent for safety.

Two seconds at the car to put on a life jacket or put on a backpack. Every.Single.time. That’s all it took. .

I never once had to spank him, because I never once strayed from firm boundaries and rules. And he didn’t give me a hard time about those things because those were rules we had before we even left the house and it was his normal and the routine.

Did I turn the car around or change plans often? Yep.

But that’s part of being consistent and firm.

And it doesn’t resort to violence and hitting my kid.

BirdinHand said:

if your kid doesn’t listen to you about not running into the street, why do you keep putting them in situations where they can run into the street? You’re the adult, you control the environment and surroundings. And they literally make leashes, etc for kids that you can put in your child.



That’s a parenting failure, not a kid failure.

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It's not a failure on either side. The kid is being a kid, and the adult is protecting them.

Sorry, are you suggesting that the correct response here is to not allow the child to be outside in the vicinity of streets at all? Walk me through that one, please.

Edit: sorry, I saw the proposed solution... leashes. Sorry, to me that's way more problematic than a spanking in most cases.

Edited again to soften. Sorry, my own stuff makes me rather blunt sometimes.

OlNate said:

Mmm... that doesn't make sense. Either your neighbor is an adult, in which case a spanking is not going to influence their behavior (unless they're into that sort of thing... hehe), or it's a kid, in which case that's not your job.

Also, it's not your job to prevent your neighbor from turning into an asshole when they grow up... hehe

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Adult neighbor


Why is assaulting a child acceptable while assaulting an adult not?