Santa would be arrested by today's standards

[Cold Highway]

Got this in an LP email.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - When Santa Claus comes to town this week, he'd better watch out -- because the federal government may be making a list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party warned today.

"Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly everything," said Libertarian Party press secretary George Getz. "The feds know when Santa's been bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness sakes."

Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing stockings, should he be making license plates?

Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical American. For example:

* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.

* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him -- a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.

* Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and Santa's never bothered to get these genetically- engineered animals registered and licensed. It's no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.

* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals -- he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't Santa's Workshop really Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don't make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.

* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?

The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute him.

"We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all, Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren't: He's popular, reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th -- instead of taking our money every April 15th," says Getz.

 

[Edify_Always_In_All_Ways]

So are we arguing in favor of illegal immigration here? And the license to transport anything in and out of the country? And trespassing? Not sure what the article is trying to do, because as humor it fails.

 

[Hatuey]

Its because of e-mails like this that nobody other then libertarians takes the LP seriously.

 

[1069]

Its because of e-mails like this that nobody other then libertarians takes the LP seriously.

Nobody takes the LP seriously for many reasons.
Emails like these are one.

 

[Kandahar]

* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?

The problem with Microsoft's monopoly wasn't that they were giving a product away for free. Firefox and Opera are also free. The problem is that they bundled it with Windows to make it the "default browser" of anyone who uses that operating system. This certainly constitutes an unfair competitive practice.

This is one of many issues where the LP seems to have lost touch with reality. The LP advocates for capitalism and free markets, which is all well and good...but they fail to realize that those things stop functioning properly if monopolies are allowed to form. Free-market capitalism is about COMPETITION, not about reflexively opposing government regulations at any cost.

 

[Kernel Sanders]

Nobody takes the LP seriously for many reasons.
Emails like these are one.

Bob Barr's mustache would be another

 

[SWM]

I have to say, this is probably the strongest argument for libertarianism I've ever read.

 

[danarhea]

Got this in an LP email.

Times have changed. If Jesus Christ returned, the so-called religious right would have him crucified again.

 

[Agnapostate]

Isn't the Libertarian Party ignoring the more important fact that Santa gains unlawful entry into the private property of homeowners and should therefore be shot in the head?

 

[danarhea]

Isn't the Libertarian Party ignoring the more important fact that Santa gains unlawful entry into the private property of homeowners and should therefore be shot in the head?

Big difference there, bud.

Santa is a nice old guy who comes down your chimney and gives stuff to you. He is known as a philanthropist.

The Government is a grinch-like entity that comes into your wallet and takes away everything you have. He is known as a pickpocket and a thief.

:mrgreen:

 

[rathi]

I will give the libertarians more credit than this. Although it pains me to use the phrase, in the post 9/11 world having unidentified planes with no lights flying on an undisclosed flight path is really not going to cut it. Same thing with sneaking across the border carrying large amounts of packages. There are many instances of bad government interference (hello bailout) but most of those on the list aren't examples of that.