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Do men and women fantasize differently?

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herenow1

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Something jumped out at me with this article, and I believe it for the MOST part to be true. Usually women fantasize about being pleasured, or focus on becoming pleasured, while men focus on pleasuring their women, and they become turned on when they see a woman pleasured.

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Greg Mitchell: Coming Attraction: New York Times Magazine Spotlights Female Orgasms This Sunday
 
My fantasies are all about me being pleasured. In reality I do get satisfaction from pleasing my woman.
 
Yeah, a lot of mainstream porn (for male audiences) is nothing but a woman sucking a man's dick.
Men get off on watching this. I guess they fantasize that the woman is sucking their dick instead.
It always seemed a little, um, gay to me that supposedly heterosexual men can get off merely by looking at another guy's dick and a woman's mouth on it.

But there it is.

So, I'd have to say the OP theory is not very on par with the reality of the situation.
 
One bit of research suggests that women, in contrast to men, in their erotic fantasies "center less on giving pleasure and more on getting it," making them "far less relational than men."
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This sentence cracked me up.
 
Men often fantasize on dominant acts in which the women love everything the man is doing to them.

I'm not positive about women, but from what I've heard their fantasy world usually entails a more intricate scenario. Yet, (also, just from what I have been told) alot of women do not actually put a face on their partner. Which is interesting enough :lol:
 
1069 said:
Yeah, a lot of mainstream porn (for male audiences) is nothing but a woman sucking a man's dick.
Men get off on watching this. I guess they fantasize that the woman is sucking their dick instead.
It always seemed a little, um, gay to me that supposedly heterosexual men can get off merely by looking at another guy's dick and a woman's mouth on it.

But there it is.

So, I'd have to say the OP theory is not very on par with the reality of the situation.
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Like I said above, alot of men fantasize about dominant acts. Felatio is in that category.

It has alot less to do with who it is or is not in the scene, more to do with what is happening.
 
Shewter said:
Like I said above, alot of men fantasize about dominant acts. Felatio is in that category.

It has alot less to do with who it is or is not in the scene, more to do with what is happening.
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The man is a passive recipient in fellatio.
What are you on about?
 
Shewter said:
Men often fantasize on dominant acts in which the women love everything the man is doing to them.

I'm not positive about women, but from what I've heard their fantasy world usually entails a more intricate scenario. Yet, (also, just from what I have been told) alot of women do not actually put a face on their partner. Which is interesting enough :lol:
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True .says message too short, so I will say true again:roll:
 
1069 said:
The man is a passive recipient in fellatio.
What are you on about?
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It is a dominant situation for the man to be the recipient of fellatio. The woman is usually on her knees (submissive position), before him (submissive), and sometimes giving fellatio at his insistence, or command, or even because he pushed her head that direction.

HOWEVER, it has jack all to do with pleasing the woman and is 100% about HIS pleasure. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does kind contradict what Shewter said two posts up.

BUT, I think men derive sexual gratification from pleasing a woman because it's an ego thing. It's completely the mindset of: "Look at how she responds to what I do to her" (dominant), "Look at how happy I MAKE her" (dominant), "Look at how many orgasms I GAVE her" (dominant). It's not so much the act as the mindset. A woman could fantasize about fellatio too but in a completely different mindset and it's a dominant act for HER. Or, she could fantasize about it and it could be a submissive thing.

Isn't that what fantasies are all about though? The mindset... what's in the head.

Shewter said:
Men often fantasize on dominant acts in which the women love everything the man is doing to them.

I'm not positive about women, but from what I've heard their fantasy world usually entails a more intricate scenario. Yet, (also, just from what I have been told) alot of women do not actually put a face on their partner. Which is interesting enough :lol:
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I either fantasize about a specific literary character, or a movie/tv character... OR, the people are completely faceless and it really doesn't matter at all WHO they are, what they look like, or any such trivial ****. Just depends on my mood and the particular fantasy.
 
1069 said:
The man is a passive recipient in fellatio.
What are you on about?
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Active and passive dominance are still dominance.

The reception of fellatio is related to a higher status in the process. It's all about the doode in that scenario.

Not to mention in alot of porn when a woman is going down on the guy he often does alot of silly **** like smacking her repeatedly in the face with his dick, "fish-hooking", and plunging into her throat untill she gags.

That's what I am on about.
 
rivrrat said:
HOWEVER, it has jack all to do with pleasing the woman and is 100% about HIS pleasure. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does kind contradict what Shewter said two posts up.
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Explain please. I thought I said that it was all about the man being dominant? I did not say that the woman is getting anything out of it. They just act like they are. Which fits into what I was saying about the man doing whatever HE wants and the woman LOVING all of it.

Isn't that what fantasies are all about though? The mindset... what's in the head.
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Exactly what it's about.


I either fantasize about a specific literary character, or a movie/tv character... OR, the people are completely faceless and it really doesn't matter at all WHO they are, what they look like, or any such trivial ****. Just depends on my mood and the particular fantasy.
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OH, I'm sure there are variants. I am just saying, from my experience with the subject, more often than not the women do not put a face on the person. A personality maybe, but not a face. It's not exactly something I can explain as I am not a woman ;)
 
I fantasize about women fantasizing about me fantasizing about them.
 
Explain please. I thought I said that it was all about the man being dominant? I did not say that the woman is getting anything out of it. They just act like they are. Which fits into what I was saying about the man doing whatever HE wants and the woman LOVING all of it.
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Well, that's true.
Women in porn often act like they're getting off somehow by giving head.
IRL, I've never met a woman who got any physical pleasure out of it.

edit: on a related note, i used to know a guy who could suck his own dick. It was his famous party trick.
He'd stand on his head against a wall in a corner and then bend at the waist until he was all folded in half, and he'd do it. it was hilarious.
 
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1069 said:
Well, that's true.
Women in porn often act like they're getting off somehow by giving head.
IRL, I've never met a woman who got any physical pleasure out of it.

edit: on a related note, i used to know a guy who could suck his own dick. It was his famous party trick.
He'd stand on his head against a wall in a corner and then bend at the waist until he was all folded in half, and he'd do it. it was hilarious.
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I just read that and the two women (my wife and a friend of ours) in the room both raised their hands :lol:

I suppose saying "physical pleasure" is a bit vague. Maybe not orgasm worthy, but they get turned on, and their naughty bits end up being very stimulated. But then again that may just be related to the way women can get wet and stimulated by mental and visual images.
 
Shewter said:
Explain please. I thought I said that it was all about the man being dominant? I did not say that the woman is getting anything out of it. They just act like they are. Which fits into what I was saying about the man doing whatever HE wants and the woman LOVING all of it.



Exactly what it's about.




OH, I'm sure there are variants. I am just saying, from my experience with the subject, more often than not the women do not put a face on the person. A personality maybe, but not a face. It's not exactly something I can explain as I am not a woman ;)
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I'll share my reason in a pm, if you're interested in knowing;). I'm sure it's a different reason than most. Just a hunch.
 
herenow1 said:
I'll share my reason in a pm, if you're interested in knowing;). I'm sure it's a different reason than most. Just a hunch.
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I think you should explain it out in the open. It might spark some interesting speculation!

If not I still want to see if it differs from my wifes reasoning.
 
herenow1 said:
I'll share my reason in a pm, if you're interested in knowing;). I'm sure it's a different reason than most. Just a hunch.
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Why would you start a thread and then be secretive about your perceptions?

My curiousity is piqued.
 
1069 said:
Maybe she'll PM you about it, too.
Your wife isn't in the room, is she?
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No, she isn't. It wouldn't matter if she was.
 
Ok, I just didn't want it to derail the topic, and get into a side debate.

It's a loyalty thing for me.
 
herenow1 said:
Wow, it feels so good to know others are like(or think like) me:lol:

Such an ''epiphanous'' moment.
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She said "That way there's no way to slip up and catch yourself thinking about someone else."

I think it's a personal thing when it comes down to it. I wouldnt be upset if her fantasy had someone other than myself in it. I believe it's just something that happens with that crazy ass brain. But in order for her to feel loyal, she eliminates any possibility.
 
Shewter said:
Explain please. I thought I said that it was all about the man being dominant? I did not say that the woman is getting anything out of it. They just act like they are. Which fits into what I was saying about the man doing whatever HE wants and the woman LOVING all of it.
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That's the contradiction. Few women "love" to give head. Now, I enjoy it to an extent in the sense that I enjoy pleasing my partner and I know it's something that just about every man LOVES. And I'm quite good at it too, for that reason... that I don't hate it, that I enjoy it to an extent.

However, I'd never in a million years say I "love" it. And, I'd never get sexually aroused by the act.

EDIT: In fact, I use fellatio as a way to get my man off when I don't feel like having sex but I know he does. It's a compromise. One that I'm quite sure he appreciates. ;)

But, you ARE talking about fantasies after all. ;) (i.e., women actually "loving" giving head)

It's just that I don't think it's possible for me to comprehend the act of fellatio being something that PLEASURES a woman, something that she gets off on, as the OP suggested with regards to men fantasizing about pleasuring a woman.

See the contradiction? Fellatio pleasures the MAN, not the woman. Your post I referenced implied that fellatio pleasured the woman.

OH, I'm sure there are variants. I am just saying, from my experience with the subject, more often than not the women do not put a face on the person. A personality maybe, but not a face. It's not exactly something I can explain as I am not a woman ;)
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Indeed. I'd say about 50% of the time the participants in my fantasy are faceless. I really have no idea "how" men fantasize. I would imagine that most men would require a face and specific body on the person(s) they include in their fantasy since men are generally more visually stimulated. Whereas, for many women, it's not the face or body, but the attitude, personality, and action.
 
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In fact, I use fellatio as a way to get my man off when I don't feel like having sex but I know he does.
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Yeah, me too. i thought that's what everybody did. :confused:
 
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