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(The Borowitz Report)
Residents of the District of Columbia are demanding that Republicans vacate the city “immediately,” according to a petition released on Tuesday.
The petition, signed by hundreds of thousands of DC citizens, accuses the Republicans of participating in an “unprecedented crime wave” and calls for them to move “far away.”
Though crime in DC overall is at a 30-year low, the petition says, an organized criminal gang invaded the city on January 20 of this year.
That gang, consisting of known Republicans, has engaged in shakedowns, sold worthless crypto, and desecrated public buildings with decor worthy of mafiosi, the petition says.
Additionally, the petition indicates that a “mentally unwell” Republican menaced the city last week by skulking about on the roof of the White House.
www.borowitzreport.com
Residents of the District of Columbia are demanding that Republicans vacate the city “immediately,” according to a petition released on Tuesday.
The petition, signed by hundreds of thousands of DC citizens, accuses the Republicans of participating in an “unprecedented crime wave” and calls for them to move “far away.”
Though crime in DC overall is at a 30-year low, the petition says, an organized criminal gang invaded the city on January 20 of this year.
That gang, consisting of known Republicans, has engaged in shakedowns, sold worthless crypto, and desecrated public buildings with decor worthy of mafiosi, the petition says.
Additionally, the petition indicates that a “mentally unwell” Republican menaced the city last week by skulking about on the roof of the White House.
Citizens of DC Demand Republicans Leave Immediately
Residents accuse the Republicans of participating in an “unprecedented crime wave."
www.borowitzreport.com
