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Being pressured.....

americanwoman

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I am being pressured from my family and inlaws to baptise my baby Catholic. My father and grandparents are slightly pushing it, but my in laws are almost insisting on it. I was born and raised Catholic and so was my husband but we are not Catholics anymore. Now we feel stuck about this issue because a part of both of us want to baptise her but since we don't consider ourselves Catholic we aren't sure. I think it's just the pressure that's making us consider it because on one hand I don't just want to give in to pressure on the other hand it feels like it could be the right thing to do. Has anyone here dealt with religious pressure from family and how did you deal with it?
 
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We are going through the same thing. I personally think you should do it unless you are now protestant or have a religious reason for not doing it.

In our case It does not matter to us the symbolic ritual known as "Baptism" but it matters to her family. And these things like family are whats important so I have no issue with it.
 
I wasn't pressured into it, but I knew that if I didn't baptize my daughter my grand-mother would have been really, really upset and I loved my grand-mother with all my heart so there was no way I was going to cause her grief over something like this. Besides, it was a nice ceremony and, since my mother had kept my little outfit from way back when I got baptised, my baby got to wear it too.
 
You both made valid points. I have no religion or anything that is actually preventing us to do it. We both agreed this could be worse- our parents could be in cults trying to sacrifice her in goats blood. :doh But really baptising doesn't sound so bad. Also, we kinda were thinking about sending her to Catholic school so this would probably be a good start.
 
yeah what exactly would be the harm? A guy I used to see made an excellent point about being raised Catholic. His parents, despite both being atheists, raised him Catholic because they figured it would be easier for him to give up Catholicism then adopt it later in life because of how intrinsic being raised in it is.

As for the schools, I went to 10 years of Catholic school and I've never been baptized. It's not going to change much.
 
Being pressured in this way sucks, and it is anything but spiritual, which is highly ironic, of course. One of the worst parts of an experience like this, is that it is difficult to say something like I just said to one of your family members -- it could cause a rift, which would be worse than just saying nothing.

Maybe the best thing to do is to go along with it, but knowing in your heart that you want your baby to make his/her own choices, and that the ceremony was just a nicety. It won't be nearly as harmful as, say, forcing a kid to go to church that doesn't want to go.

it's important to pick your battles.
 




:lol: how is that harmful again?
 
Find good God-parents who are practising Catholics.

In Catholicism baptism is considered a "regenerative" act in that the person baptised is claimed for Christ by dieing to the old self wounded by sin (for an infant, Original Sin is eradicated) and rising to a new being, permanently marked upon the soul as belonging to Christ in the New Covenant. It corresponds to the physical mark of circumcision that the Hebrews bore in their covenantal relationship with God.

It's not something to do lightly, but there is no harm in doing it. Make sure the priest is aware of your feelings, --he may want you to assure him that you will not get in the way of the spiritual influence of your daughter's God-parents. It is better to be up-front and honest than try to hide it and put one over on the priest. He should appreciate that--maybe have the in-laws go the meeting with you if you have an open enough relationship with them and they would handle that well.

I would never discourage one from being baptised--I believe it truly invites unknown graces into an individual's life--and we all want our children to have every possible advantage.
 
Just do it. .
 
I think you should baptize the baby, but do not give anyone the impression that they have explicit rights to raise your kid as Catholic. How you raise them is up to you, and baptism does not obligate you to give the Church time with your kid. Unless you want to, of course.

I guess what I'm saying is... if it's so important as a symbolic thing to your family members, then do it, but don't let them keep making demands for all of your kids life. They may demand comunion next, and then confirmation after that. Just do the minimal.
 

There are vows made at the ceremony.

It is not just a thing we do--it's a Sacrament--it's not an empty ritual, it MEANS something. If she has reservations, she should talk to the priest--then, if she decides not to, she'll have all the information and can explain it to the in-laws.
 

I disagree, as it depends on the person. My parents baptized me as Catholic in order to appease my older relatives, much along the same lines as the OP is talking about. But I was never raised Catholic nor did I ever go to Church.

I respect for you that it's sacred but it's not for everyone. Sometimes it's just family politics.
 

It's not just a thing you do, sure, that's understood. but americanwoman is not part of the "we" you mention. it's not an empty ritual, for you, but it would be for americanwoman unless she decides for it not to be. and either way could be a good thing, so long as she is doing what she feels is right for her and baby.
 

Her family, who would be making the vows as God-parents, are part of the "we" and I doubt americanwoman wants to mislead her family whom she loves.

Still--the family could make the vows which ask them to "to their best" in support of their God-daughter. It doesn't mtter even if she would get in the way, the God-parents could still "do their best."
 

I agree with you, more-so than disagree. but "misleading" the family is often necessary to keep the peace. for example:

Q: "honey, didn't you just love that casserole that I made for you? it took me six hours to make it."

A: "yes, granny, I LOVED it. the anchovies were yummy!"

etc.

letting the ceremony take place, and letting it be meaningful for the in-laws, and them being sincere about it, is all great.

"not misleading them" might get into a discussion about why AW isn't a Catholic anymore, doesn't want to be a Catholic, or why AW doesn't want to be in this thing in the first place, or doesn't appreciate being pressured into the ceremony at all, .... which I thought would be things she might want to avoid. experience has shown us that minds are very seldom changed, eh?
 
You would agree that information is good, right? The best advice I can give is that she should talk to the priest honestly and tell him what she thinks--se what he says. He's not going to throw Holy Water on her and scream at the heathen succubus. And so what if her family talks to her about God? Obviously, they already are!

BTW: Rather than lie to Granny, I'd probably say--"You are quite a cook, Grandma!"
 

I went through the same thing. I decided ultimately having a priest drop water on my kid's head isn't going to hurt the kid, or me, and it'll make my mother and mother in law happy so what the hell? That was the first kid. The second one we just never got around to baptizing and there wasn't as much family pressure because by then we lived out of state. However I believe my mom baptized the kid herself in the kitchen sink on one of her visits. :2wave::mrgreen:
 
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I am in the same boat also.

I am an agnostic, but my wife is Catholic. I do not really want to do it, but she (and her family) does ... so i will end up agreeing.
 
DeeJayH said:
just say YES to baptisms

but say NO to circumcisions
Click to expand...

Why no? Whats wrong with it ... in the long run it's cleaner .. and girls think uncut looks funny.
 

just a thought, the catholic schools I went to have recently stopped accepting noncatholic students, because they're getting too many applicants now. also, when I was going there they discounted tuition for catholic students.
 

If you're not really Catholics, you're not even supposed to. If you're going to do the baptism, you're essentially pledging to raise the child as a Catholic, so if that is not your intent, then don't do it.

Religious and philosophical commitment should come from the heart, not from a desire to get the in-laws off your back.

And you can get a child into Catholic school without baptism. It's all about the money.
 
bilbus said:
Why no? Whats wrong with it ... in the long run it's cleaner .. and girls think uncut looks funny.
Click to expand...
diminished sensation, which i have seen could be as high as 90% less than uncut
plus, its natural and if you make enough money the broad will not care if you are cut or not
if she no longer believes in god or teh catholic religion, she is offending nothing and no one, but placating(?) her backwards ancestors to keep everyone happy
I do not believe in god, and if there is none of the religions got it right. but my son was baptized and circumsized due to tradition
given what i ahve since learned i would not have allowed the latter and will encourage my son not to do it to his sons
 

AW, while I find it touching that you care so deeply about the feelings of your family, let me take a moment to remind you that this is your and your husband's baby. No one else's. You two make a decision to do what you feel comfortable with and act on that. It will all work out in the end.
 

My mother is VERY religious (Catholic). My husband and I had talked about being willing to baptize our son if it was that important to my mother. The more I thought about it, the more the whole baptism thing offended me. Are you telling me that my son was born with sin? That he'll go to hell if I don't baptize him? Well, when my mother confronted me about it, that's what I asked her. I was sure she would push it, but she did not, and I was happy about it. My husband and I went out for a long breakfast one morning and let my mom babysit. We joked about her sneaking to a church and getting our son baptized. If it happened that way, I wouldn't care. I just wasn't willing to do some ceremony that I completely disagreed with. So I did not, and I will not. If my mother begged us to, I might consider it, but I wouldn't have attended the ceremony. I find the whole thing offensive. But that's me.

Now, I was sure I wouldn't be willing to have my son participate in a bris. It was important to my husband, and I agreed to raise him Jewish, so I was okay with it. But I wouldn't watch the ceremony. I couldn't. No regrets.
 
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