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Assistance with Depression

shlunka

Fourum Addmean
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I took a rather lengthy leave from this forum, mostly due to being incapable of organizing a remotely coherent thought without ruminating on my desperation and or pessimism. I'm back now, feeling moderately mediocre, but am worried I will have another episode and revert back to drinking again. My issues stem primarily from existentialist crisis. I'm not particularly intelligent, quite mathematically incompetent, and certainly have a deficiency in logical reasoning. At times it feels as if I'm almost a burden to those of greater intelligence than myself, feeling this both on this forum as well as a science based forum I regularly visit.

I don't really believe in free-will, believing that we are greatly limited within the confines of what our genes predispose us to. I find that love is just chemical attractions, and just an evolutionary trait to rid us of the loneliness that many of us experience throughout life, and also to encourage breeding. Recently I've been unwilling to do school work, likely will be failing 11th grade, I can't stand the thought of striving to achieve mediocrity in academics. I'm also not particularly skilled in any area asides from comedy perhaps, started drawing comics in 3rd grade, elected class clown, put smiles on faces when I enter the room. But, despite all this, I can't rid myself of that pernicious feeling that I'm an idiot.

I also fear that there's no great purpose to the human race, and that, with the "in my opinion inevitable" extinction of our species, no works of art, technological progress, cultural achievements, will survive and every shred of humanity's existence would be for nothing. I also realize the excessive usage of the word "I", but this thread is strictly about myself. I really hope that my beliefs are deluded, and that someone can prove every single one of them wrong. Thanks for your time, and I apologize for making any conscious being read such pessimistic drudgery.
 
Talk to someone. Anyone who will listen. Just talk to someone who is close.

Second, see a professional. Trust me man, it helps.
 
For what it's worth, you come across as more intelligent than most people I've met. That's gotta be a self-esteem issue. You're not a 'burden' to anyone on this forum. I mean that's the last thing you should care about. It's always sad to see a young person so down. You don't need to dwell on things like free will and the 'meaning of life' at this point, but that's what depression does.

No one else has life figured out either, but they're able to just enjoy it and not feel so insignificant. They have no reason to be proud either; they are decidedly mediocre. You're trying to reason your way out of a disease that doesn't care about existentialism, nor your 11th grade report card. I know a guy at Princeton and another at Duke who are severely depressed. Do they objectively have reason to be? No, and they know that. You don't have to be a hardcore nihilist to feel depressed. You can't just 'will' or think yourself out of this. What you can do, in fact the only thing to do, is seek treatment.

Have you sought help? If you're flunking out, there's no better time to start being forthcoming and yes, about the drinking too. I've had some really lousy doctors, but also a couple who knew what they were doing, only you gotta be honest. I've taken several meds, and finally one is starting to take the edge off. Being in a great environment also helps, as does finding some kind of motivation. Even so, expecting a total cure is unrealistic, and I regress at times. There are more invasive treatments, but you'll have to go thru the normal channels first. That means if you're suicidal, *tell someone*
 

I'm not sure whether to take you seriously or not, so I will opt to think you are serious.

Welcome to humanity, where many of us find life to be difficult, and can see that sometimes it's just a bitch. That being said, whether you are right or wrong- whether there is no God, and we are doomed to just our short, sometimes crappy lifespan on planet earth- whether or not life is meaningless and the love you feel, and the hate you feel, are merely brain chemicals, your effort would be well-spent to learn to smell the roses, and try to enjoy it while you can.

There is no perfection to be found, except for a change in attitude toward life. When your attitude changes, your world will change as well. Iow, don't expect the world to meet your expectations. Doing so will lead to disillusionment. Learning how to love yourself, how to love others, and how to love your world, and appreciating life for what it can teach you, will help greatly.
 

I am quite serious, sorry if the OP was incoherent or otherwise poor at construing the point. I should be seeing a counselor about the issues next week, at this point I feel unhappy without any provocation, perhaps medication will assist in that.
 
shlunka said:
I am quite serious, sorry if the OP was incoherent or otherwise poor at construing the point. I should be seeing a counselor about the issues next week, at this point I feel unhappy without any provocation, perhaps medication will assist in that.
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Personally, I'd seek a REALLY good therapist, and if I used meds, would try to eventually get off them, but that's just me. I'm one to try and resolve issues that are causing me misery, rather than treating symptoms with chemicals. Depression is a truly miserable state of mind. I spent 12 years in and out of it. It IS something that can be dealt with effectively, so try to stay with it in the long run, and don't give up without a damn good fight.
 
Alternatively you could embrace the "god is dead" movement begun by Nietzsche. I just read 'the Antichrist.' It's totally giving me a new (non) purpose to life.
 

A little context please; frame of reference matters. With all due respect, how old are you? The questions that trouble you seem to center on intellectual acuity. If you're 40+ and asking these questions, the answers you seek may differ from those needed by a 20-something man.

But in any event, you're reading good advice on this thread, chiefly about seeking expert counsel.
 
I am currently 17 years old.
 

first, you're not stupid by any means. if you're in eleventh grade, you have reached the same conclusion at 17 that i reached at 33. my "epiphany" led me into six months of anhedonia, and i sought counseling for that and for my OCD. talking helped.

the conclusion i've come to : you can boil anything down to subatomic particles, but existence is still magic, and i'm not going to waste it. the chances of you coming out of the ether to land in your own body at a perfect geographic location are astronomically low. plus, you live in one of the most exciting times in human history.

in 600 million years or so, the sun is going to change, and life on Earth is really going to struggle. in a billion years, the oceans will probably evaporate. eventually, the earth will be a scorched rock. my question is this : what's for dinner?

we might all be skydiving blindfolded without parachutes, but that's not going to stop me from having a hoot all of the way down with as many people as i can stand to be around. accept that you have a more than capable intellect, hone it with as much school as possible, and do something good.

finally, if you have a dark night of the soul like i did at 17 and 30, talk to someone about it. nothing wrong with getting help. while the counselor didn't figure it out for me, talking helped me figure it out for myself.
 
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