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As more Americans go ‘no contact’ with their parents, they live out a dilemma at the heart of Shakespeare’s ‘King Lear’

No thank you. I love my parents and vise versa.
 
My parents both passed away a decade ago. I still think about them and miss them. If you have bad blood between you and your parents or kids I would highly advise you to make an effort to reconnect.
 
Some parents are filled with hate or filled with anger or are racist/bigots or are sexist or mentally / sexually abuse(d) their kids/others. Or are simply bad people/negative people.

It's healthy to stay away from those type of people.
 
CaughtInThe said:
Some parents are filled with hate or filled with anger or are racist/bigots or are sexist or mentally / sexually abuse(d) their kids/others. Or are simply bad people/negative people.

It's healthy to stay away from those type of people.
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I read somewhere that about 1/3 of immediate family members have cut off relationships with a family member. It is mostly often sons who initiate the estrangement with one or both parents.
 
Family is everything to me . Since my Mom passed I am the glue that keeps us together.....the legacy of being the eldest daughter and one I cherish. Like all large families there are moments but we all know to suck it up because our bond is strong and our support for each other unshakeable....well maybe shakeable but not collapsible. Unfortunately we have one half brother who is persona non gratis but that's on him.
 
Totalitarian states work very hard to destroy the family as a competing source of values and community. They only want people to look the state for their needs and to give ALL their allegiance to it.

The same is true with some religions that teach members to not associate with family members who are not also in the "truth".

As I grew older, married and had a child, I realized that nothing is as important as family. The idea of cutting any of them out of my life is anathema to me.
 
eman623 said:
Totalitarian states work very hard to destroy the family as a competing source of values and community. They only want people to look the state for their needs and to give ALL their allegiance to it.

The same is true with some religions that teach members to not associate with family members who are not also in the "truth".

As I grew older, married and had a child, I realized that nothing is as important as family. The idea of cutting any of them out of my life is anathema to me.
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Weird post, especially the first line.
 
Phys251 said:
Weird post, especially the first line.
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Maybe. OTOH, colleges are often factories of indoctrination pushing radical Marxist theories into kids' heads. They come out convinced their parents are evil reactionaries to be avoided - except when the tuition bill arrives.
 
eman623 said:
Maybe. OTOH, colleges are often factories of indoctrination pushing radical Marxist theories into kids' heads. They come out convinced their parents are evil reactionaries to be avoided - except when the tuition bill arrives.
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Bingo. I can almost guarantee this problem of "no contact" is overwhelmingly between Marxist brats, and conservative parents.
 
Usually people in their 20s cut off contact once they realize their parents are not perfect people. Then once they themselves become imperfect adults, they realize the world is not easy and are more forgiving toward their parents. Hopefully by then it's not too late.

It's better to mend fences than burn bridges.

I've only met a handful of people in my life who had legit reasons to cut out their parents... genuine abuse, neglect, their parents were criminals or unrecoverable addicts, etc. Cutting out family completely over ideological viewpoints is weird and kind of bourgeois, IMO.
 
eman623 said:
Maybe. OTOH, colleges are often factories of indoctrination pushing radical Marxist theories into kids' heads. They come out convinced their parents are evil reactionaries to be avoided - except when the tuition bill arrives.
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^ Another weird post.
 
Northern Light said:
Usually people in their 20s cut off contact once they realize their parents are not perfect people. Then once they themselves become imperfect adults, they realize the world is not easy and are more forgiving toward their parents. Hopefully by then it's not too late.

It's better to mend fences than burn bridges.

I've only met a handful of people in my life who had legit reasons to cut out their parents... genuine abuse, neglect, their parents were criminals or unrecoverable addicts, etc. Cutting out family completely over ideological viewpoints is weird and kind of bourgeois, IMO.
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So very true. Every one of us is imperfect in some respects. If I wanted to blame my parents for some of my shortcomings, I could. But the fact of the matter is that they still tried to do the best they could considering what they had to overcome growing up themselves. My father went up to the eighth grade and then had work to help my grandmother and his younger brother. My mother made it up to the sixth grade and couldn’t go any further because of her cultural upbringing and the need to make money for the family along with her brothers and sisters. Life was tough back then.
Today, aside from the more grievous circumstances already mentioned there’s become a mindset of nit picking everything a parent or parents have done wrong while raising children. Young adults use the term dysfunctional too liberally and attach it to everything in the way they were raised and are thin skinned. In today’s U.S. families there’s a lot of anger that has spilled over into every day life.
 
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gman said:
So very true. Every one of us is imperfect in some respects. If I wanted to blame my parents for some of my shortcomings, I could. But the fact of the matter is that they still tried to do the best they could considering what they had to overcome growing up themselves. My father went up to the eighth grade and then had work to help my grandmother and his younger brother. My mother made it up to the sixth grade and couldn’t go any further because of her cultural upbringing and the need to make money for the family along with her brothers and sisters. Life was tough back then.
Today, aside from the more grievous circumstances already mentioned there’s become a mindset of nit picking everything a parent or parents have done wrong while raising children. Young adults use the term dysfunctional too liberally and attach it to everything in the way they were raised and are thin skinned. In today’s U.S. families there’s a lot of anger that has spilled over into every day life.
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You can only blame your parents so much, especially as you get older. We are fortunate to live in a country where you can make your own way. It isn't easy and there are setbacks, but it can be done. When I hear someone in their 20s blaming their parents I think, okay, you're a new adult, you're trying to figure stuff out. But when they are over age 35 I start to judge. You have agency as an adult and if you're not using it then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

And if they are mad at their parents over some petty ideology difference, so much so that they have cut their family out, I think, what a luxurious life you must live that you can take it or leave it when it comes to family.

Again, the exception would be extreme abuse and other real traumas. That can screw people up for life.
 
Pretty classic tho.

"I hate you! You dont accept me as I am and what I believe!!!!"

also

"I hate you...I dont accept who you are and what you believe!!!"

Toxic........suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure............
 
eman623 said:
Maybe. OTOH, colleges are often factories of indoctrination pushing radical Marxist theories into kids' heads. They come out convinced their parents are evil reactionaries to be avoided - except when the tuition bill arrives.
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Define Marxism.
 
Those I've seen cut off parents were NOT the golden child when growing up.....call it a Cinderella situation....and then parents expected them to step up to help later on....golden child flouncing off.
 
I believe in cutting your losses, not your people. The goal should rarely be to cut all contact, but to mitigate the harmful contacts. Figure out what specific behaviors are inducing the most harm, and find some strategies to reduce your contact with those behaviors. If they are thieves, see them in restaurants. If its drugs or booze, consistently excuse your self or send them home if they are in an altered state. If they are unabashed bigots, call them out when you hear it, and then leave the room so they don't have an audience for their 'rebuttal' . If its the damn guilt card, figure out how to shield yourself, and deny them any emotional benefit. If its nasty gossip about siblings or a divorced parent. Declare those subjects off limits, and again leave the room and deny them an audience You need to regain control over the negative interactions and experiences. As the behaviors decrease or increase, so do the visits and phone calls.
 
eman623 said:
Maybe. OTOH, colleges are often factories of indoctrination pushing radical Marxist theories into kids' heads. They come out convinced their parents are evil reactionaries to be avoided - except when the tuition bill arrives.
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Both of my parents were also college edjumacated and neither of them were Marxists.

I avoided my mom because she was a violent religious psycho who found physically harming people to be hilariously amusing. I also paid for my college without their help.
 
Lisa said:
Both of my parents were also college edjumacated and neither of them were Marxists.

I avoided my mom because she was a violent religious psycho who found physically harming people to be hilariously amusing. I also paid for my college without their help.
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Good for you.
 
It should be rare. But there are times when it just has to be done.

 
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