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You might be a conservative if...

Pacridge

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You might be a conservative if...

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're 100% in support of the Iraq war, But 100% against making any personal sacrifices for it- such as paying for it, volunteering for it or having your children volunteer for it.

You don't think "The Simpson's" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child support payments, named Newt, when he talks about how he's for "Family Values"

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You're dumb enough to believe "trickle down economics" will ever trickle down to you.

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings with a vodka straight in hand.

You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television... oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."

You believe "big business" actually cares about your moral values.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.


 

Pacridge

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Heard a new one today:


You might be a conservative if your support for the war begins and ends with the purchase of a $3 yellow ribbon magnet, that you can attach to the tail gate of your $40K Ford 4X4 pick-up truck, that reads "I support the troops."
 
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