So a few days ago, Tom and I had another heart to heart. He's very patient. I'll give him that. He finally admitted that, yes, they'd had sex. Just oral he says. I believe nothing.
Late last year, he says she gave him a letter from her doctor telling him he needed to be checked for herpes, since she was infected. He's done nothing about it. SUSPECT.
She told him he's her only sexual partner since her husband died in 2013. That perhaps his resistance was down because he was having chemo. I find that ludicrous. No symptoms for four years? And not blaming Tom? I sure would. SUSPECT.
He's trying to find the doctor's letter to show me now. See I don't really know how long they've been together. The date of that letter has meaning to me. CANT FND YET.
They were just friends -- A LIE. "But I guess I can't have friends, so...so I won't talk to her anymore."
They absolutely didn't have sex --- A LIE. Changed his story two weeks later. They did.
He called her every couple of days -- A LIE. Until I found his online call log -- averaged 140 calls a month for as far back as his new cell providers go back...which is the beginning of August.
He started seeing her in late fall -- A LIE. Now,, since I saw lots of calls in early August, now it started some time in June.
So, did he start this affair after he found out I was in Stage IV cancer? Or way before that?
"Why do you care, Maggie?" Well, as I've said, I have willed him about $450,000 or more. My house worth probably a few hundred thousand...all the furnishings, $40,000 in gold boullion, a $40,000 life insurance policy, an $80,000 C.D., my two-year-old Lexus, $60,000 from one of my IRAs. I have also asked John to leave him a $100,000 CD payable on his death. He's set that up, and probably wouldn't change it unless Tom doesn't stay in touch or I ASK him to change it.
All this was done to be certain he can live somewhat comfortably knowing that he will, if he lives long enough, go blind from his eye disease. He already cannot drive at night and needs special lighted magnifiers to read.
If I ask him to leave, he's told me his girlfriend will not let him move in. A LIE?? He said he had a senior lady rider (he just retired as a taxi owner operator because of his sight. Can't drive at night anymore) who he thought he could rent a room from. What a way to live out the remainder of his life.
And also btw, his girlfriend was out of work a year, much of last year. So while I thought he was driving his taxi, how many times was he actually with her? I could never believe anything he told me. So I don't ask.
So if I did that, I'd end up giving my dog and three rescue cats to a no-kill shelter when I could no longer take care for them . . . And who, btw, have promised me they will take care of and try to get homes for.
My dilemma continues to be . . . do I try very hard to live with the lies and betrayal so that he stays with me through my death? Leave the bequests as they are knowing that he betrayed me so terribly? Do I redo those bequests to much less and tell him? Not tell him?
What the **** do I do??
Every time I leave the house for any length of time, like today, lunch with a girlfriend at Cooper's Hawk, I pray the GPS tracker won't show he's been TO her house or driven BY her house. Because that would be the end. I'm scheduled to go to FL with my cousin end of April for five days if I'm still well enough...the thought makes me physically ill.
Last Sunday I was out of town for the day. The tracker showed he'd driven by her house four times...He only admitted to once and then only because I told him I'd driven by her house on the way home and THAT was just ten minutes before he'd made his final run. So he thought we saw him.
What to do...
Thanks for listening.
Late last year, he says she gave him a letter from her doctor telling him he needed to be checked for herpes, since she was infected. He's done nothing about it. SUSPECT.
She told him he's her only sexual partner since her husband died in 2013. That perhaps his resistance was down because he was having chemo. I find that ludicrous. No symptoms for four years? And not blaming Tom? I sure would. SUSPECT.
He's trying to find the doctor's letter to show me now. See I don't really know how long they've been together. The date of that letter has meaning to me. CANT FND YET.
They were just friends -- A LIE. "But I guess I can't have friends, so...so I won't talk to her anymore."
They absolutely didn't have sex --- A LIE. Changed his story two weeks later. They did.
He called her every couple of days -- A LIE. Until I found his online call log -- averaged 140 calls a month for as far back as his new cell providers go back...which is the beginning of August.
He started seeing her in late fall -- A LIE. Now,, since I saw lots of calls in early August, now it started some time in June.
So, did he start this affair after he found out I was in Stage IV cancer? Or way before that?
"Why do you care, Maggie?" Well, as I've said, I have willed him about $450,000 or more. My house worth probably a few hundred thousand...all the furnishings, $40,000 in gold boullion, a $40,000 life insurance policy, an $80,000 C.D., my two-year-old Lexus, $60,000 from one of my IRAs. I have also asked John to leave him a $100,000 CD payable on his death. He's set that up, and probably wouldn't change it unless Tom doesn't stay in touch or I ASK him to change it.
All this was done to be certain he can live somewhat comfortably knowing that he will, if he lives long enough, go blind from his eye disease. He already cannot drive at night and needs special lighted magnifiers to read.
If I ask him to leave, he's told me his girlfriend will not let him move in. A LIE?? He said he had a senior lady rider (he just retired as a taxi owner operator because of his sight. Can't drive at night anymore) who he thought he could rent a room from. What a way to live out the remainder of his life.
And also btw, his girlfriend was out of work a year, much of last year. So while I thought he was driving his taxi, how many times was he actually with her? I could never believe anything he told me. So I don't ask.
So if I did that, I'd end up giving my dog and three rescue cats to a no-kill shelter when I could no longer take care for them . . . And who, btw, have promised me they will take care of and try to get homes for.
My dilemma continues to be . . . do I try very hard to live with the lies and betrayal so that he stays with me through my death? Leave the bequests as they are knowing that he betrayed me so terribly? Do I redo those bequests to much less and tell him? Not tell him?
What the **** do I do??
Every time I leave the house for any length of time, like today, lunch with a girlfriend at Cooper's Hawk, I pray the GPS tracker won't show he's been TO her house or driven BY her house. Because that would be the end. I'm scheduled to go to FL with my cousin end of April for five days if I'm still well enough...the thought makes me physically ill.
Last Sunday I was out of town for the day. The tracker showed he'd driven by her house four times...He only admitted to once and then only because I told him I'd driven by her house on the way home and THAT was just ten minutes before he'd made his final run. So he thought we saw him.
What to do...
Thanks for listening.