Arthur Fonzarelli
Active member
- Joined
- May 25, 2005
- Messages
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- Location
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin
- Gender
- Undisclosed
- Political Leaning
- Undisclosed
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his fortune.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
He continued, "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
The Bronze Rat
Author not known
A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike and life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the counter. "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," the owner said.
The tourist gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat. You can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him. This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds and they began squealing.
He began to trot toward the Bay, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster. Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Bay where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and they all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Aha!" said the owner. "You have come back for the story."
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake."
http://www.youdontsay.org/Xtra.htm
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
He continued, "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
The Bronze Rat
Author not known
A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike and life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the counter. "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," the owner said.
The tourist gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat. You can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him. This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds and they began squealing.
He began to trot toward the Bay, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster. Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Bay where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and they all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Aha!" said the owner. "You have come back for the story."
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake."
http://www.youdontsay.org/Xtra.htm
