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WI Cripplers Guide to the modern woman

God I hate that crap. I mean, I really really do. I do have girlfriends that are like this and my mother is a "shopper" too. Personally, I HATE going shopping. I want to get in and out as quickly as is humanly possible. I despise trying on clothes. If I absolutely need to buy something, I most often grab it off the rack without trying it on. Shoes? If I could get away with it I would never wear them. I hate shoes. I'm a country gal, I wanna be barefoot dagnabbit! Stupid smelly, uncomfortable shoes.

But, this is why I can't go "shopping" with any other women. Because I'd want to kill them.

Amen to that! I don't like trying stuff on, either.....at least, not at the store. Pain in the neck. Most of the time I don't need to try stuff on though, because I'm pretty confident in what size I need from each store I shop at. That irks me about clothing. Can't they just all pick a consistent size? Why must I buy an extra small shirt at Old Navy and a freaking large at Aeropostale? Grr.

And I hear ya on the shoes, too. That's why most of my shoes are flip flops. I wear 'em whenever I can get away with it.

I used to love going shopping with my friends. And then I grew up. :lol:
 
Speaking of dinner and eating out....Why can't you women ever finish a meal?? And when you don't finish it, why do you get a to go box, put it in the refrigerator and forget about for 2 to 3 weeks before you remember it and throw it away anyway??

I finish my food, thank you very much! And when I don't, if I do get a to go box....well, yeah, sometimes I forget about it, but so does hubby. More often than not though, it becomes a late night snack. Yum.
 
Speaking of dinner and eating out....Why can't you women ever finish a meal??
Cause we're full? I mean, I dunno... just tossing it out there as a possibility.

And when you don't finish it, why do you get a to go box, put it in the refrigerator and forget about for 2 to 3 weeks before you remember it and throw it away anyway??

YOU were supposed to eat it! Geez man, don't you know anything? They call it a "doggie bag" for a reason. It's name implies that it's for the male part of the couple. :mrgreen:
 
YOU were supposed to eat it! Geez man, don't you know anything? They call it a "doggie bag" for a reason. It's name implies that it's for the male part of the couple. :mrgreen:

Very true. What I don't understand is how come when girls go out with their boyfriends, a tic tac and a cigarette will make them full but when they go out with their gay friend they eat like a fu/ckin horse?
 
Most of the time I don't need to try stuff on though, because I'm pretty confident in what size I need from each store I shop at. That irks me about clothing. Can't they just all pick a consistent size? Why must I buy an extra small shirt at Old Navy and a freaking large at Aeropostale? Grr.

That's an interesting point.
Perhaps you've noticed that men's pants are sized by waist circumference, and leg length.
Women's sizes are not consistent; for instance, one brand of size four jeans might have a 22-inch waist circumference, while another brand might have a 25-inch waist circumference; there is no rhyme or reason to it, really; and it leaves women unable to simply grab "their size" off the rack, because there is no knowing one's size; it varies depending upon the clothing brand.
There are no standard, definitive, categorical, universal women's sizes; "size six" could mean anything.
Although it didn't used to be that way.
Women's clothing sizes used to be standard- rather recently, in fact. Like men's, women's clothing sizes used to bear some correlation to their actual body measurements.

What happened was this: back in the 1980s, designers, clothing manufacturers and clothing retailers got together and funded a lot of research about the shopping habits of consumers. What they discovered is that a lot of women will refuse buy clothing because of the size on the tag, even if it fits perfectly and is exactly what they are looking for, if the size happens to be a size they don't want to wear.
You following me?
If a woman doesn't want to face the fact that she wears a size 10 because she thinks size 10 is a fat size, then she won't purchase jeans that say size 10 on the label even if they fit perfectly and are flattering.
That's what this research found, anyway.
So women's clothing manufacturers began to "downsize" the numbers (not the clothes themselves), so that everyone could fit into a "skinny" size and feel good about themselves and spend lots of money.
What passes for a four at Old Navy these days would've been an eight or a ten, back in the days when women's clothing came in standard sizes.

So when you hear that shtick about how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14... don't believe it.
It's technically true, but that's only because a size 14 garment back in the 1950s would've been the approximate equivalent of a size 8 garment today.
Back then, many women sewed, and were able to either make their own clothing or at least make simple alterations on store-bought clothing; it was also not uncommon or terribly expensive or extravagant to have one's clothing custom-tailored. There was, simply put, far less societal emphasis placed on everyone being a standard, perfect "size". Yes, women still wanted to look good and be thin, but they sought to achieve this goal by the use of "foundation garments" and by buying flattering clothing and then making whatever adjustments and alterations were necessary. They were not overly preoccupied with the number on the inside tag, as long as the clothing fit and made them look good.
Nobody's self-esteem was riding, until recently, on the number on the label of their clothing.
It was understood that clothes were meant to be altered to fit one's body, not the other way around. Now people apparently feel they have to remake their bodies to fit into the clothes they want to wear, in the size they want to be.

Clothing manufacturers have simply obliged by making larger and larger clothing, in smaller and smaller "sizes".
If a woman with a 26-inch waist can fit into a size 5 at Old Navy, but has to wear a size 6 from the Gap, she might choose to shop at Old Navy simply because she prefers to think of herself as a size 5.

And that's the story on that.

But yeah; it is difficult and inconvenient to buy clothes off the rack because of these inconsistencies in sizing.
Guys have it much easier; there's no real reason for them to try on clothes. The sizes on men's clothing is standard. Waist size/ leg length. End of story.
Then again, women have only themselves to blame. If men were whining about how they weren't going to buy Levis anymore because they didn't want to have a 34-inch waist, then the Levis corporation would start calling a size 34 a '32' instead, so it could sell more jeans. Not to be outdone, Old Navy would begin calling their 34-inch waist men's jeans a '30' or a '28', in order to give themselves an edge over the competition. And so on.

I've had women who appear to be of perfectly ordinary size boast to me, straight-faced, that they wear size zero jeans. Size zero.
It reminds me of that Dr. Seuss story, "The Sneetches":
"Off again! On again! In again! Out again! Through the machines they raced round and about again, changing their stars every minute or two. They kept paying money. They kept running through. Until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew whether this one was that one or that one was this one or which one was what one... or what one was who."

Who knows what a size zero (or any women's clothing size) means, today. :shrug:
It seems to be entirely subjective.
It means, I suppose, whatever one wants it to mean.
 
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Very true. What I don't understand is how come when girls go out with their boyfriends, a tic tac and a cigarette will make them full but when they go out with their gay friend they eat like a fu/ckin horse?

Cause their gay friend is hot and since she can't satisfy that desire, she must use food to fill the void?
 
1069 -

Didn't want to quote your whole post, since it is rather lengthy, but I didn't want to do it a disservice by only quoting a bit of it.

There was an article in Cosmo recently about this. I've seen a few others over the years as well. It irritates me to no end. Yes, I understand that clothing manufacturers are in the business to make money, but seriously. If something fits me and I like it (and have the money!), I buy it. More women need to just suck it up and stop focusing on the sizes. Yes, I've had moments of being unhappy with my body size, but it's not the clothing industries job to coddle me over that. It's my responsibility to DO something about it. If I don't feel good about the way I look, that's my fault and my problem, and I'm the only one that can fix it.

Anyway. My son's decided that maybe it's not bedtime after all. Just figures he'd wait till after Daddy had to go to work. :lol:
 
Chores

Dishwasher's broke

my wife and I split the chore-
she washes, she rinses, she dries, she puts away
I rub her traps, hold her hips, kiss her neck
and watch her wash what's clean
been broke for weeks
 
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Cause we're full? I mean, I dunno... just tossing it out there as a possibility.



YOU were supposed to eat it! Geez man, don't you know anything? They call it a "doggie bag" for a reason. It's name implies that it's for the male part of the couple. :mrgreen:

I call BS on this particular habit of womens. I mean, c'mon, my friend's fiance never finishes a meal, never. Yet when we went out to eat this weekend, she orders a meal, and then asks " Oh can I have a side salad to go with that?" Which prompted my friend to throw up his hands, and ask "Why?? you aren't going to finish your meal, why the hell are you ordering more food?" to which she replied, I have to have something healthy to eat. Then of course, like every other ******* in America that thinks they are eating healthy when they order a salad, she proceeds to dump dressing all over it. And of course she didn't finish her meal.... I think its all some slick ploy to see if men are willing to waste money on the women they love.
 
Well I always finish my meal. That's actually the whole point of going out to eat for me. I let myself splurge when I go out and I'll be damned if there is anything left on my plate! :mrgreen:
 
I call BS on this particular habit of womens. I mean, c'mon, my friend's fiance never finishes a meal, never. Yet when we went out to eat this weekend, she orders a meal, and then asks " Oh can I have a side salad to go with that?" Which prompted my friend to throw up his hands, and ask "Why?? you aren't going to finish your meal, why the hell are you ordering more food?" to which she replied, I have to have something healthy to eat. Then of course, like every other ******* in America that thinks they are eating healthy when they order a salad, she proceeds to dump dressing all over it. And of course she didn't finish her meal.... I think its all some slick ploy to see if men are willing to waste money on the women they love.

LMAO

Well, I don't order a side salad because it's "healthy". If I order *anything* it's because I bloody well want it. I may know full well that I can't eat the side salad and all of the meal, but if I want a blasted side salad, I'm gonna order one. :P So take that!

If the man I'm with doesn't want to pay for what I decide to order, then he shouldn't have offered to pay. If he's only going to pay for my meal if I order what he approves of, then he can kiss my ***, I'll pay for it myself, then go home and masturbate alone while he sleeps on the couch. I'll be sure to moan really loudly too. :mrgreen:


Anywho, whether I eat it or not, the cost is the same.

And, as I mentioned... I've always paid at least 50% of the time, and the last few years have resulted in my paying closer to 90% of the time.
 
And, as I mentioned... I've always paid at least 50% of the time, and the last few years have resulted in my paying closer to 90% of the time.

You know, I honestly don't know what I would do if a woman I was with ever offered to pay for dinner. I mean I'm married now so it doesn't matter, but say I had a mistress. I still wouldn't let her pay for dinner, despite the trouble she would be getting me into....
 
You know, I honestly don't know what I would do if a woman I was with ever offered to pay for dinner. I mean I'm married now so it doesn't matter, but say I had a mistress. I still wouldn't let her pay for dinner, despite the trouble she would be getting me into....

I think whoever invites who out should be the one to pay the majority of the bill. At least thats how I work it.
 
I think whoever invites who out should be the one to pay the majority of the bill. At least thats how I work it.

Actually if it did happen, I think I wouldn't finish my meal on purpose...Turn the tables, lets see how it feels then :devil:
 
No one should be married more than 4 days a week.

If she starts putting on that 7-9 pounds a year (you don't notice at first), the marriage will be doomed, unless she has cute friends or sisters.

One more thing, I just hate it when they go right to sleep after an orgasm!

Guy's don't do that!
 
One more thing, I just hate it when they go right to sleep after an orgasm!

Guy's don't do that!

Guys don't do that, because we usually aren't allowed to. If I had my choice of things to do immediatley after sex, with no regards to a womans feelings, I'd either go to sleep or eat something, depending on the severity of the sex and time of day.
 
Guys don't do that, because we usually aren't allowed to. If I had my choice of things to do immediatley after sex, with no regards to a womans feelings, I'd either go to sleep or eat something, depending on the severity of the sex and time of day.

Pffttt... I usually hope he goes to sleep. Then I can run in and have full control of the TV. And the couch to myself.
 
Pffttt... I usually hope he goes to sleep. Then I can run in and have full control of the TV. And the couch to myself.

Ah, and we stumble across yet another quality of the female population that makes no sense. TV watching. I am not sure why women think they can use a remote control, but usually they are inept at best when operating it. They have absolutely no skill what so ever in flipping through channels. When they are looking for something to watch, they will look at every single little thing. Guys know what channels the good shows are on, therefore we can skip past all the channels with crap on like TLC, Food Network, Lifetime, Oxygen, E!, BBCA, style, travel channel etc.....because there will never be anything good on at all (Except on sunday morning when that Italian chick, Giada Delarentus(sp??) is on and wearing a low cut shirt). Most guys can flip through the entire rotation of channels befoe the commercials for the original show they were watching are over.
 
What's the difference between a clitoris and a remote control?

Guy won't stop until he finds the remote control!
 
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