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I had thought about this for awhile from the "Relationship dealbreaker" thread on here, and I remember my answer was if the person had not got over an ex of some sorts, then move on from them. I figured I'd give a better answer on this thread because people that are dating might have found themselves with someone who keeps bringing up an old ex. And if you're about to date, take this piece advice seriously. I'll use my experience as an example.
There was a woman I dated last August. At the time, I thought we were connecting well and becoming closer. However, she had told me she been in engaged a few times before. They all didn't last long, except for one and that was her first engagement to a guy named Troy. There's a lot more I learned about this guy, from the sister of the woman, after me and this woman broke it off, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, she and Troy met through work. From what she was telling me, this guy was one of the best in nation at what he did (massage therapy). He was nearly a decade older than she was and had been engaged for quite a while. They even had their own little clinic setup in the town they met in and made good money, and she still had the dog they picked up when they first got engaged. Sounded like a good relationship, up until she gave me other details about the guy.
Somewhere along the line, Troy had stopped working, became an alcoholic, physically abusive towards her, and became very demanding. She told me, in private, that he had forced himself on her before and took her money on several occasions without her permission. Eventually, they called the engagement off and she moved back into her hometown (where she lives to this day). As mentioned, she had been engaged 2 other times, but neither one lasted as long as the one she had with Troy. Every time this woman and I got together, Troy ALWAYS came up, but what the strange part, at the time, was she almost sang the guy's praises more so than she said how bad it was, in addition to how many times she had brought him up. The last day we dated, she found out that Troy passed away a week or two prior (disease of sorts, but not COVID). She found out about this because she was still in contact with both Troy and his wife. A little while later, she ghosted me and eventually our relationship ended.
Her sister, who's one of my friends, told me a little more about Troy and even the woman I dated afterwards. Troy, I found out, was a liar, manipulative, deceiving, condescending, and arrogant. He was never a top massage therapist, the engagement ring he got the woman was a fake, and he never made as much money as he proclaimed. He was just not a good person, but he had this woman convinced that he was, up until the break up. Of course, what she did wasn't much better. She apparently has a thing for cheating with another man, and that happened with Troy. It was right around the time the shell was beginning to crack between them, and it was with multiple men, but she always went back to Troy after he found out. Must have been a way for her to get validation from him.
Looking back on all of it, this woman never truly moved on from Troy and she missed him, and when he passed, that probably made her miss him even more. I'd say that it wouldn't surprise me if Troy's passing was a big reason, if not THE reason, she wanted to call off. Even her sister and other family members told me I didn't do anything wrong and that I was the first guy in a long time to come along that they liked. Regardless, we haven't spoke since last Fall and I've moved on from her and pursuing other goals. Just remember, if you're man or a woman, if you're seeing someone, and the person you're seeing keeps bringing up an old ex, it might be a good idea to move on from that person because they, too, may not have got over them. I tried to help this woman move on, but she fought back against it in her own way, so don't try to help the person move on unless they ask for it. Even then, might be best just to call off the relationship altogether because it could be bad for you. It sounds like a downer, but dealing with people still living in the past is extremely difficult and there are people out there that would prefer living in the present and planning for the future. To those getting ready to date, keep all this in mind and I hope my experience will help you find you someone that likes you now!
There was a woman I dated last August. At the time, I thought we were connecting well and becoming closer. However, she had told me she been in engaged a few times before. They all didn't last long, except for one and that was her first engagement to a guy named Troy. There's a lot more I learned about this guy, from the sister of the woman, after me and this woman broke it off, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, she and Troy met through work. From what she was telling me, this guy was one of the best in nation at what he did (massage therapy). He was nearly a decade older than she was and had been engaged for quite a while. They even had their own little clinic setup in the town they met in and made good money, and she still had the dog they picked up when they first got engaged. Sounded like a good relationship, up until she gave me other details about the guy.
Somewhere along the line, Troy had stopped working, became an alcoholic, physically abusive towards her, and became very demanding. She told me, in private, that he had forced himself on her before and took her money on several occasions without her permission. Eventually, they called the engagement off and she moved back into her hometown (where she lives to this day). As mentioned, she had been engaged 2 other times, but neither one lasted as long as the one she had with Troy. Every time this woman and I got together, Troy ALWAYS came up, but what the strange part, at the time, was she almost sang the guy's praises more so than she said how bad it was, in addition to how many times she had brought him up. The last day we dated, she found out that Troy passed away a week or two prior (disease of sorts, but not COVID). She found out about this because she was still in contact with both Troy and his wife. A little while later, she ghosted me and eventually our relationship ended.
Her sister, who's one of my friends, told me a little more about Troy and even the woman I dated afterwards. Troy, I found out, was a liar, manipulative, deceiving, condescending, and arrogant. He was never a top massage therapist, the engagement ring he got the woman was a fake, and he never made as much money as he proclaimed. He was just not a good person, but he had this woman convinced that he was, up until the break up. Of course, what she did wasn't much better. She apparently has a thing for cheating with another man, and that happened with Troy. It was right around the time the shell was beginning to crack between them, and it was with multiple men, but she always went back to Troy after he found out. Must have been a way for her to get validation from him.
Looking back on all of it, this woman never truly moved on from Troy and she missed him, and when he passed, that probably made her miss him even more. I'd say that it wouldn't surprise me if Troy's passing was a big reason, if not THE reason, she wanted to call off. Even her sister and other family members told me I didn't do anything wrong and that I was the first guy in a long time to come along that they liked. Regardless, we haven't spoke since last Fall and I've moved on from her and pursuing other goals. Just remember, if you're man or a woman, if you're seeing someone, and the person you're seeing keeps bringing up an old ex, it might be a good idea to move on from that person because they, too, may not have got over them. I tried to help this woman move on, but she fought back against it in her own way, so don't try to help the person move on unless they ask for it. Even then, might be best just to call off the relationship altogether because it could be bad for you. It sounds like a downer, but dealing with people still living in the past is extremely difficult and there are people out there that would prefer living in the present and planning for the future. To those getting ready to date, keep all this in mind and I hope my experience will help you find you someone that likes you now!
