Why These Women Don't Strap Up I'll Never Know

[calamity]

Uh, hello? McFly?

Why do Abuse Victims Stay?

The Advocacy Center: Domestic/Dating Violence - Why Do Victims Stay?

Compelling Reasons Women Stay | Domestic Abuse Project

Why Do Abused Victims Stay? | Psych Central

Domestic Violence-Why Victims Stay


Some of the reasons why victims stay with their abusers:

- The victims are ashamed of being in an abusive relationship
- The victims feel responsible for the abusive situation
- The victim believes the abuser will change
- The victims lack financial resources and other forms of support
- The abuser threatens to kill the victim if they try to end the relationship, or report the abuse
- Abusers are far more likely to kill the victim when they separate (that is the time of greatest risk to the victim)
- Depression (sometimes induced by the abuse)
- Worries about custody
- Social isolation (abusers often intentionally force the victim to become socially isolated, making it difficult to connect with family, resources, schools, jobs etc)
- Low self-esteem (often induced by the abuse and abuser)
- Pressure from friends and family (they may tell the victim to tough it out; or, reject the victim for being victims of abuse)
- May not know of, or have good access to, resources to help abuse victims

You should also keep in mind that repeated cries of disbelief, coupled with a lack of interest in finding or paying attention to the answer, comes across as little more than blaming the victim.

So yes, this has been studied, we are dedicating resources to this problem, and in many ways we are FAR more aware of it than we were ~20 years ago.



"Kevin Ewing kidnapped her, beat her, locked her in a closet, hit her in the head with a pistol, strangled her, burned her with a hot stick and made her sleep with a rope around her neck, according to Pennsylvania law enforcement. More than once, he put her in the bathtub and pointed a gun at her, threatening to kill them both."

I find it rather insensitive that you believe every person has a responsibility to immediately bounce back from that kind of experience (preceded by months of abuse, no doubt), grab a gun, learn how to defend themselves, and be able to shoot their own spouse a few weeks later.

I would have probably shot the bastard a few months earlier in fact. But, hey, maybe that's just me. I don't take **** from anyone.

 

[calamity]

Since this does not appear to be her first incident of DV with the same guy then it is very doubtful that she shared your view. Yet feel free to tell us more about your vast personal experience with executing violent, (armed?) suicidal maniacs and the lack of legal repercussions.

It just might appear to a jury that someone buying a gun and very soon after shooting someone, who they had recently accused of a crime, was an act of revenge rather than such a clear cut case of self defense.

I'd take my chances. Better to go to trial and serve a little time in jail than to be dead for eternity. But, hey. Maybe that's just me. I'd rather kill than be killed. But, not everyone feels that way. There are a lot of tree hugging namby pamby types out there who would rather trust on a call to 911 than their own survival skills.

 

[calamity]

The odd Individual successes do not trump the statistical norms. By keeping a gun a woman greatly increases her chances of being killed. I suspect the bulk of women are not temperamentally predisposed to shooting someone dead when it came to the crunch especially if the individual was intimately known to them and it will not matter how well trained they are

?Where there are more guns, more women die?: A Harvard public health expert breaks down the data on firearms and women?s safety - Salon.com

Heads up the Soprano's isn't real life :wink:

Women need more of a killer instinct. Just say'n. If men have it, there is no reason a woman can't develop one.

 

[Visbek]

I would have probably shot the bastard a few months earlier in fact. But, hey, maybe that's just me. I don't take **** from anyone.

 

[flogger]

Women need more of a killer instinct. Just say'n. If men have it, there is no reason a woman can't develop one.

That would not be possible you can't just stop women being women

 

[calamity]

That would not be possible you can't just stop women being women

You need to meet my sister-in-law. The US military did a fine job of instilling survival instinct in that one. And, she is not exactly hard on the eyes. She's just hard. And, in today's world, that may not be a bad thing.

 

[TurtleDude]

That would not be possible you can't just stop women being women

In some cases and societies, women are more vicious

From Britain's Poet for the soldiers

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
and the women come out to cut up what remains,
jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains and go to your gawd like a soldier.

 

[calamity]

There are those who would let themselves be enslaved and raped. And, there are those who would rather kill someone than be enslaved and raped. It's a true separation of days gone by between those who were sheep and those who are the wolves. Those who became the nobility were the latter; serfs, the former.

 

[Rico Suave]

If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

It's pretty easy for a much larger person if they catch someone off guard to shoot them or beat them to death. The issue here was her poor situational awareness and the ****ty DA who let him out.

 

[TurtleDude]

You need to meet my sister-in-law. The US military did a fine job of instilling survival instinct in that one. And, she is not exactly hard on the eyes. She's just hard. And, in today's world, that may not be a bad thing.

when I teach women firearms self defense the easy way to connect is have them envision what they would do to someone they caught raping their child

 

[flogger]

You need to meet my sister-in-law. The US military did a fine job of instilling survival instinct in that one. And, she is not exactly hard on the eyes. She's just hard. And, in today's world, that may not be a bad thing.

Call me old fashioned but I don't think women should ever try to be like men and I certainly wouldn't want them to be hard

Each to their own I suppose

 

[Visbek]

There are those who would let themselves be enslaved and raped. And, there are those who would rather kill someone than be enslaved and raped. It's a true separation of days gone by between those who were sheep and those who are the wolves. Those who became the nobility were the latter; serfs, the former.

Egads.

You have said, several times, that "I don't understand why women who are victims of abuse don't defend themselves."

I gave you numerous links, and several explanations for why this happens. This issue has in fact been studied and researched.

Instead of actually following up on your own question, and realizing that victims of domestic abuse are not going to act like Charles Bronson's character in Death Wish, you just blame the victims and come up with a bunch of complete bull**** about "nobility" and "serfs."

WTF.

 

[calamity]

when I teach women firearms self defense the easy way to connect is have them envision what they would do to someone they caught raping their child

Since this is something that really interests me, I spent significant time discussing her killer instinct with my SIL last year. She summed it up about how I would: I'll blow some bastard to hell before I let him rape me.

She lives in Texas, maybe that's part of it. They grow stones on women out there. One of the women my wife is friends with moved to Ohio from there. She has the same attitude...and she carries as well.

 

[calamity]

Egads.

You have said, several times, that "I don't understand why women who are victims of abuse don't defend themselves."

I gave you numerous links, and several explanations for why this happens. This issue has in fact been studied and researched.

Instead of actually following up on your own question, and realizing that victims of domestic abuse are not going to act like Charles Bronson's character in Death Wish, you just blame the victims and come up with a bunch of complete bull**** about "nobility" and "serfs."

WTF.

I guess I don't accept that someone must be a victim just because they happen to have a bush instead of a tree between their legs.

 

[calamity]

Call me old fashioned but I don't think women should ever try to be like men and I certainly wouldn't want them to be hard

Each to their own I suppose

I'm married to a softie. So, in a way, she is just lucky that I'm not a psychopathic murderer. In fact, I'm a bit different. If my spouse wants to leave, I'll help her pack. There are always more where that came from.

But, some guys are a bit too possessive for that. I'm just suggesting that women arm themselves if they happen to be in a relationship with one of those men.

 

[flogger]

Since this is something that really interests me, I spent significant time discussing her killer instinct with my SIL last year. She summed it up about how I would: I'll blow some bastard to hell before I let him rape me.

She lives in Texas, maybe that's part of it. They grow stones on women out there. One of the women my wife is friends with moved to Ohio from there. She has the same attitude...and she carries as well.

Interestingly despite all these allegedly defensive guns the rate of rape in the US is nearly three times that seen in most other developed countries. Women are also some 11 times more likely to be shot dead there too. This suggests the easy access to guns is benefitting the attacker far more than the defender

 

[flogger]

I'm married to a softie. So, in a way, she is just lucky that I'm not a psychopathic murderer. In fact, I'm a bit different. If my spouse wants to leave, I'll help her pack. There are always more where that came from.

But, some guys are a bit too possessive for that. I'm just suggesting that women arm themselves if they happen to be in a relationship with one of those men.

I'd say that doing that was far more likely to get her killed than anything else as my earlier study showed because he will find that gun and use it against her

 

[calamity]

I'd say that doing that was far more likely to get her killed than anything else as my earlier study showed because he will find that gun and use it against her

bull****

Your study is heavily biased toward guns owned by men who then use them to kill their partners. Women who own guns are probably at much less risk than women who are married to men who own them.

 

[Visbek]

I guess I don't accept that someone must be a victim just because they happen to have a bush instead of a tree between their legs.

Yet again... WTF

I never said anything of the sort, nor can my comments be interpreted in such a juvenile and stereotypical manner.

Contrary to popular perception, men are also often the victims of domestic abuse. While there are some issue specific to women, many of the psychological mechanisms that keep victims in the relationship are the same.

Victims of domestic abuse don't feel ashamed because they are women; they aren't pressured to stay in an abusive relationship because they are women; they don't form emotional attachments to their abusers just because they are women.

But thanks for making it clear, yet again, that you are not really interested at all in the dynamics of domestic violence.

 

[Dragonfly]

The premise of this thread is one ginormous FAIL.

:failpail:

 

[calamity]

The premise of this thread is one ginormous FAIL.

:failpail:

Fail is the liberals' willingness to become victims instead of simply taking a gun into their hands to defend themselves.

 

[calamity]

Yet again... WTF

I never said anything of the sort, nor can my comments be interpreted in such a juvenile and stereotypical manner.

Contrary to popular perception, men are also often the victims of domestic abuse. While there are some issue specific to women, many of the psychological mechanisms that keep victims in the relationship are the same.

Victims of domestic abuse don't feel ashamed because they are women; they aren't pressured to stay in an abusive relationship because they are women; they don't form emotional attachments to their abusers just because they are women.

But thanks for making it clear, yet again, that you are not really interested at all in the dynamics of domestic violence.

:roll:

 

[Visbek]

:roll:

Good grief.

1) I never said that men and women were abused at the exact same rates. What I said was that most of the mechanisms that keep victims in abusive relationships affect boh men and women.

A man is just as (if not more) likely to be ashamed for being a victim if IPV as a woman; a man can be just as psychologically dependent on a partner as a woman; these days, men can certainly be financially dependent on a partner. This is critical to understanding the dynamics and perpetuation of domestic violence.


2) You definitely need to do better than one chart from Canada that only shows homicides.

Studies vary in their estimates. Some show that male victims of IPV are in the 7% range; the CDC's numbers are significantly higher. Their report indicates that 25% of men, at least once in their lives, were physically abused by a domestic partner; and 1 in 7 men have suffered severe physical violence from an intimate partner.
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_executive_summary-a.pdf

Keep in mind this is not an issue most men want to discuss at all, and that is likely to suppress figures in some reports.

 

[MickeyW]

If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

This kind of thing happens a lot. Seriously.

There was one in Oregon back around 1977 or so. The woman had two kids, she was tired of the abuse and got a restraining order(IMO an R.O. is not worth the paper it's written on, unless you can back it up with force).
The husband was so angry, he did the same thing, kidnapped her and the kids one night, took them to a deserted field in the city limits and decapitated the woman in the front seat of the car ......and left. The 2 and 3 year old kids were in the back seat and sat there all night with their dead mother in the front seat....her head laying on the seat next to her.
A man walking his dog, after daybreak the next morning, saw the car parked there, went over and found them and called police. Now that was before cell phones, so he had to walk several minutes back to his house to call it in. The scum husband still sits on Death Row awaiting execution.
For cases like this, I believe in the death penalty with no appeals.

Hard to say-years ago-a couple years into private practice, I get a call from my girlfriend who is half hysterical and asks me to meet her at the state courthouse. Her best friend was there and the police wanted the girl to testify against her boyfriend who had beat the living crap out of her. split lip, broken nose, it was brutal. She didn't want to-so I spent an hour with her trying to get her to testify and she refused. I talked to the detective and I was shocked when he told me "it was common". three weeks later she got it worst-this time I met my GF at the ER-her friend had a broken jaw, broken eye socket, severe concussion. fortunately, someone witnessed it and it was the witness's testimony the cops used to arrest the guy and which the DA used to put the guy away for a year for felonious assault

yeah she went back to him when he got out and within a month he beat the snot out of her again but they had moved out of the area and I don't know what ultimately happened.

Some women are just plain stupid and feel helpless. They were raised that way. If anyone ever treated my wife like that, she would shoot them dead in an instant....and she's a damn good shot.

 

[MickeyW]

Fail is the liberals' willingness to become victims instead of simply taking a gun into their hands to defend themselves.

Damn Straight! :thumbs::thumbs: