Why These Women Don't Strap Up I'll Never Know

[calamity]

Again.... Very easy to say. Very difficult for victims of domestic violence to do.

Merely repeating your position is not the path to understanding.

Why so many people refuse to protect themselves is a mystery to me.

 

[flogger]

If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

Its quite ironic that despite all these allegedly protective guns women are almost 3 times more likely to be raped in the US than in most other developed nations and when a gun is present in a domestic violence situation the risk of her being killed goes up by a factor of five



https://everytownresearch.org/reports/guns-and-violence-against-women/

The facts clearly show guns are far more likely to be a liability not an asset to female survival in domestic violence situations

 

[calamity]

As an attorney, my wife volunteered for years assisting women in domestic abuse cases. She finally had to stop because of the frustration she had with women allowing these abusive men back into their lives. It never seemed to end nicely.

Clearly there is much more going on mentally/emotionally with these women that continues to need focus on.

Edit:

I should add, these men who beat and even murder their wives/girlfriends, need to be fed to the wood chipper.

IMO, such mentally defective "children" have crossed an invisible line of human behavior that makes them a threat to everyone.

Rarely would my wife report that the abuse was a singular event in their history.

No. It's not a single event and the warning signs that he will kill you next are usually pretty loud and clear. Why so many ignore that is beyond me.

 

[calamity]

Its quite ironic that despite all these allegedly protective guns women are almost 3 times more likely to be raped in the US than in most other developed nations and when a gun is present in a domestic violence situation the risk of her being killed goes up by a factor of five

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https://everytownresearch.org/reports/guns-and-violence-against-women/

The facts clearly show guns are far more likely to be a liability not an asset to female survival in domestic violence situations

Well, clearly the gun must be at fault :roll:

If women had the guns in their hands and not in those of their husbands, those numbers would be a lot lower. We have a problem with empowering women. That is the problem.

 

[Visbek]

Stupid is thinking the police will save you. Smart would be buying a gun and learning how to use it. I know that if I was in fear for my life because I had a crazy spouse, I'd arm myself immediately. It makes perfect sense.

There were a lot of warning signs involved in this case that should have prevented him from being released on bail. That certainly would have saved her life.

Again, it is easy to say "gear up!" It is not easy to train someone in the proper use of firearms for the purposes of self-defense. It is very difficult for victims of domestic violence to be able to actually shoot an abuser in self-defense.

 

[Spartacus FPV]

Why so many people refuse to protect themselves is a mystery to me.

Serious answer: Self defense can be dangerous, guns are scary for people not familiar with them, they're also expensive and require a bit of training. Some people also think nothing will ever happen to them, that they're safe, or that they can just call the police. But the worst part, these women who keep coming back to their abuser, truly believe it when they say, "You don't know him like I do, he loves me!"

 

[Spartacus FPV]

It is not easy to train someone in the proper use of firearms for the purposes of self-defense. It is very difficult for victims of domestic violence to be able to actually shoot an abuser in self-defense.

What makes you think that?

 

[flogger]

Well, clearly the gun must be at fault :roll:

If women had the guns in their hands and not in those of their husbands, those numbers would be a lot lower. We have a problem with empowering women. That is the problem.

Or maybe its simply the case that the rapist is more likely to use a gun to facilitate his crime or that a violent ex partner knows where she keeps her gun and whether she is likely to use it on him if she gets to it first.

 

[Visbek]

Why so many people refuse to protect themselves is a mystery to me.

Again... Repeating your position is not the path to understanding.

If you want to understand, you should read up on domestic abuse.

If you want to berate victims, that's not going to help anyone.

 

[calamity]

There were a lot of warning signs involved in this case that should have prevented him from being released on bail. That certainly would have saved her life.

Again, it is easy to say "gear up!" It is not easy to train someone in the proper use of firearms for the purposes of self-defense. It is very difficult for victims of domestic violence to be able to actually shoot an abuser in self-defense.

It's been proven time and again that the law will not save you. And, more than likely, the law will let you down.

Another oddity is of all the people I know with guns in the home, only one home has a woman who knows how to shoot and also carries. She happens to be ex-military. But, of the dozen or so others, most have no access to the guns and only a couple even know how to shoot them. My wife falls in the latter group. She knows how to shoot, but she has no interest in having a gun of her own. For the most part, the guns belong to teh menz.

And, that is just weird.

 

[Visbek]

What makes you think that?

Let's see. How about a basic understanding of human psychology?

It is not easy to train someone to kill another human being, even if they are fully justified in self-defense.

It is very difficult for victims of domestic violence just to walk away from their abuser, let alone fight back.

And again, the husband in this case kidnapped his wife at gunpoint, and committed suicide after he killed her. Even for someone with training, who is not wrapped up in domestic abuse, owning a gun does not guarantee you will successfully fend off an armed and mentally disturbed individual who means to do you harm. That's a fantasy, not a reality.

 

[ocean515]

No. It's not a single event and the warning signs that he will kill you next are usually pretty loud and clear. Why so many ignore that is beyond me.

Agreed. Very sad situation begging for an answer to it.

 

[calamity]

Or maybe its simply the case that the rapist is more likely to use a gun to facilitate his crime or that a violent ex partner knows where she keeps her gun and whether she is likely to use it on him if she gets to it first.

I'd have the gun on me at all times...and, like I said, I'd also be sure to have a big dog.

 

[calamity]

Let's see. How about a basic understanding of human psychology?

It is not easy to train someone to kill another human being, even if they are fully justified in self-defense.

It is very difficult for victims of domestic violence just to walk away from their abuser, let alone fight back.

And again, the husband in this case kidnapped his wife at gunpoint, and committed suicide after he killed her. Even for someone with training, who is not wrapped up in domestic abuse, owning a gun does not guarantee you will successfully fend off an armed and mentally disturbed individual who means to do you harm. That's a fantasy, not a reality.

You certainly stand a better chance if you are armed and know how to use the weapon. Having a big dog will help too.

 

[flogger]

I'd have the gun on me at all times...and, like I said, I'd also be sure to have a big dog.

The big dog part certainly makes a lot more sense than the gun as I illustrated earlier

 

[Visbek]

It's been proven time and again that the law will not save you. And, more than likely, the law will let you down.

What fresh nonsense is this? If he had been denied bail, he would not have been able to kill her. This was a fluke, and one that could have been avoided had the court been given some information on the behavior of domestic abusers.

Another oddity is of all the people I know with guns in the home, only one home has a woman who knows how to shoot and also carries. She happens to be ex-military. But, of the dozen or so others, most have no access to the guns and only a couple even know how to shoot them. My wife falls in the latter group. She knows how to shoot, but she has no interest in having a gun of her own. For the most part, the guns belong to teh menz.

And, that is just weird.

Whatever

 

[calamity]

Serious answer: Self defense can be dangerous, guns are scary for people not familiar with them, they're also expensive and require a bit of training. Some people also think nothing will ever happen to them, that they're safe, or that they can just call the police. But the worst part, these women who keep coming back to their abuser, truly believe it when they say, "You don't know him like I do, he loves me!"

It blows my mind. The guy just beat the crap out of you...and, you go back! Who does that and why? That should be one of the things our head shrinkers focus on...maybe they should zero in on that instead of paying so much attention to men who want to be women. But, I digress.


ANyway, yes buying a gun and getting trained how to use it is a big deal. But, after being kidnapped, beaten and god only knows what else, self defense should be the number one priority in that person's life.

 

[calamity]

What fresh nonsense is this? If he had been denied bail, he would not have been able to kill her. This was a fluke, and one that could have been avoided had the court been given some information on the behavior of domestic abusers.

It's not a fluke. Women being killed by their estranged partners happens a lot. In fact, it's the leading cause for women being murdered: an abusive partner goes the final yard.

Whatever

back at ya

 

[calamity]

The big dog part certainly makes a lot more sense than the gun as I illustrated earlier

Drug dealers have several. Seems they are smarter than some of these victims...at least when it comes to self-protection.

 

[Dragonfly]

Drug dealers have several. Seems they are smarter than some of these victims...at least when it comes to self-protection.

It's astounding how often you basically call victims "stupid".

 

[flogger]

ANyway, yes buying a gun and getting trained how to use it is a big deal. But, after being kidnapped, beaten and god only knows what else, self defense should be the number one priority in that person's life.

When a women has a gun in her home it makes it five times more likely she will be killed and usually by an ex partner as was illustrated earlier

 

[calamity]

When a women has a gun in her home it makes it five times more likely she will be killed and usually by an ex partner as was illustrated earlier

I addressed that in a post above

It's been proven time and again that the law will not save you. And, more than likely, the law will let you down.

Another oddity is of all the people I know with guns in the home, only one home has a woman who knows how to shoot and also carries. She happens to be ex-military. But, of the dozen or so others, most have no access to the guns and only a couple even know how to shoot them. My wife falls in the latter group. She knows how to shoot, but she has no interest in having a gun of her own. For the most part, the guns belong to teh menz.

And, that is just weird.

If the woman is the owner of the gun, and if she knows how to use it, those numbers you cited are likely to be a lot lower. I know that my brother-in-law would think twice before hitting my sister-in-law or challenging her to a gun fight.

 

[Visbek]

It blows my mind. The guy just beat the crap out of you...and, you go back! Who does that and why? That should be one of the things our head shrinkers focus on...

Uh, hello? McFly?

Why do Abuse Victims Stay?

The Advocacy Center: Domestic/Dating Violence - Why Do Victims Stay?

Compelling Reasons Women Stay | Domestic Abuse Project

Why Do Abused Victims Stay? | Psych Central

Domestic Violence-Why Victims Stay


Some of the reasons why victims stay with their abusers:

- The victims are ashamed of being in an abusive relationship
- The victims feel responsible for the abusive situation
- The victim believes the abuser will change
- The victims lack financial resources and other forms of support
- The abuser threatens to kill the victim if they try to end the relationship, or report the abuse
- Abusers are far more likely to kill the victim when they separate (that is the time of greatest risk to the victim)
- Depression (sometimes induced by the abuse)
- Worries about custody
- Social isolation (abusers often intentionally force the victim to become socially isolated, making it difficult to connect with family, resources, schools, jobs etc)
- Low self-esteem (often induced by the abuse and abuser)
- Pressure from friends and family (they may tell the victim to tough it out; or, reject the victim for being victims of abuse)
- May not know of, or have good access to, resources to help abuse victims

You should also keep in mind that repeated cries of disbelief, coupled with a lack of interest in finding or paying attention to the answer, comes across as little more than blaming the victim.

So yes, this has been studied, we are dedicating resources to this problem, and in many ways we are FAR more aware of it than we were ~20 years ago.

ANyway, yes buying a gun and getting trained how to use it is a big deal. But, after being kidnapped, beaten and god only knows what else, self defense should be the number one priority in that person's life.

"Kevin Ewing kidnapped her, beat her, locked her in a closet, hit her in the head with a pistol, strangled her, burned her with a hot stick and made her sleep with a rope around her neck, according to Pennsylvania law enforcement. More than once, he put her in the bathtub and pointed a gun at her, threatening to kill them both."

I find it rather insensitive that you believe every person has a responsibility to immediately bounce back from that kind of experience (preceded by months of abuse, no doubt), grab a gun, learn how to defend themselves, and be able to shoot their own spouse a few weeks later.

 

[flogger]

I addressed that in a post above
If the woman is the owner of the gun, and if she knows how to use it, those numbers you cited are likely to be a lot lower. I know that my brother-in-law would think twice before hitting my sister-in-law or challenging her to a gun fight.

The odd Individual successes do not trump the statistical norms. By keeping a gun a woman greatly increases her chances of being killed. I suspect the bulk of women are not temperamentally predisposed to shooting someone dead when it came to the crunch especially if the individual was intimately known to them and it will not matter how well trained they are

?Where there are more guns, more women die?: A Harvard public health expert breaks down the data on firearms and women?s safety - Salon.com

Heads up the Soprano's isn't real life :wink:

 

[ttwtt78640]

"...better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6." That definitely would apply here. The person kidnapped me, beat me and raped me over x number of days. Then he came back. No jury would find her guilty for shooting the SOB dead.

Since this does not appear to be her first incident of DV with the same guy then it is very doubtful that she shared your view. Yet feel free to tell us more about your vast personal experience with executing violent, (armed?) suicidal maniacs and the lack of legal repercussions.

It just might appear to a jury that someone buying a gun and very soon after shooting someone, who they had recently accused of a crime, was an act of revenge rather than such a clear cut case of self defense.