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Why These Women Don't Strap Up I'll Never Know

calamity

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If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.
 
If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

Hard to say-years ago-a couple years into private practice, I get a call from my girlfriend who is half hysterical and asks me to meet her at the state courthouse. Her best friend was there and the police wanted the girl to testify against her boyfriend who had beat the living crap out of her. split lip, broken nose, it was brutal. She didn't want to-so I spent an hour with her trying to get her to testify and she refused. I talked to the detective and I was shocked when he told me "it was common". three weeks later she got it worst-this time I met my GF at the ER-her friend had a broken jaw, broken eye socket, severe concussion. fortunately, someone witnessed it and it was the witness's testimony the cops used to arrest the guy and which the DA used to put the guy away for a year for felonious assault

yeah she went back to him when he got out and within a month he beat the snot out of her again but they had moved out of the area and I don't know what ultimately happened.
 
Hard to say-years ago-a couple years into private practice, I get a call from my girlfriend who is half hysterical and asks me to meet her at the state courthouse. Her best friend was there and the police wanted the girl to testify against her boyfriend who had beat the living crap out of her. split lip, broken nose, it was brutal. She didn't want to-so I spent an hour with her trying to get her to testify and she refused. I talked to the detective and I was shocked when he told me "it was common". three weeks later she got it worst-this time I met my GF at the ER-her friend had a broken jaw, broken eye socket, severe concussion. fortunately, someone witnessed it and it was the witness's testimony the cops used to arrest the guy and which the DA used to put the guy away for a year for felonious assault

yeah she went back to him when he got out and within a month he beat the snot out of her again but they had moved out of the area and I don't know what ultimately happened.

I have some family history through marriage like that. It's a damned shame. In the end the guy killed her.

Same deal as the story in the op article above. He kidnapped her when she tried to divorce him, raped her and beat the crap out of. She pressed charges, but he got out on bail. The woman, my wife's aunt, simply went on with her life as if nothing happened. One day, he showed up at her apartment and blew her away---then shot himself. Why this lady never bought a gun is something I will never understand.
 
If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post
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Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

Her having a gun may or may not have made a difference.

What WOULD have made the difference would have been NO BAIL. In my opinion, our legal system failed this poor woman. Domestic violence that rises to this level is COMPLETELY predictable even by this layperson. When a man kidnaps, rapes and tortures his estranged wife for ELEVEN DAYS! And she, by the grace of God, manages to escape, the system owes HIM nothing. Again, in my opinion, this is an indication that our court systems haven't caught up with the reality of serious domestic violence. Even calling it domestic violence trivializes it. The judge who granted bail to this man in the face of The State's request for remand should be removed from the bench . . . Sending a powerful message to all others.

Was this woman apprised that he'd been freed? Was she offered protection? Counseled on the dangers she faced with this obviously unhinged soon-to-be ex? Advised to seek shelter in secret? And is this what it should come to? His right to bail supersede her right to peace of mind and safety? Such failure in SO many ways. Horrible.
 
If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

Ok.

But I am not going to get on board with yet another way we blame women for being assaulted and murdered.

Whatever she did or didn't do, she is not responsible for that. What if he broke in her window? What, she should just have her gun strapped to her person at all times in her home? Jesus, what if she decides to SLEEP sometime?

This is much more an argument for reforming the bond system and our judicial efficiency, than it is for why we should blame women for being assaulted and murdered.
 
Her having a gun may or may not have made a difference.

What WOULD have made the difference would have been NO BAIL. In my opinion, our legal system failed this poor woman. Domestic violence that rises to this level is COMPLETELY predictable even by this layperson. When a man kidnaps, rapes and tortures his estranged wife for ELEVEN DAYS! And she, by the grace of God, manages to escape, the system owes HIM nothing. Again, in my opinion, this is an indication that our court systems haven't caught up with the reality of serious domestic violence. Even calling it domestic violence trivializes it. The judge who granted bail to this man in the face of The State's request for remand should be removed from the bench . . . Sending a powerful message to all others.

Was this woman apprised that he'd been freed? Was she offered protection? Counseled on the dangers she faced with this obviously unhinged soon-to-be ex? Advised to seek shelter in secret? And is this what it should come to? His right to bail supersede her right to peace of mind and safety? Such failure in SO many ways. Horrible.

You have to expect that the legal system will fail you. It's heavily slanted to protecting the rights of the accused, not the victim. Victims need to arm themselves and then take their chances with the legal system if someone comes after them again.
 
Ok.

But I am not going to get on board with yet another way we blame women for being assaulted and murdered.

Whatever she did or didn't do, she is not responsible for that. What if he broke in her window? What, she should just have her gun strapped to her person at all times in her home? Jesus, what if she decides to SLEEP sometime?

This is much more an argument for reforming the bond system and our judicial efficiency, than it is for why we should blame women for being assaulted and murdered.

I'd sleep with a gun if I somehow miraculously escaped from my kidnapping, abusive estranged husband. What's wrong with sleeping with a gun and buying a German Shepard? Surely, dialing 911 is not going to keep me alive.
 
You have to expect that the legal system will fail you. It's heavily slanted to protecting the rights of the accused, not the victim. Victims need to arm themselves and then take their chances with the legal system if someone comes after them again.

I don't disagree about a firearm. I just think it isn't the REAL answer. We seem to think that, when personal targeted violence happens, we will have a warning. Time to react. Most often, we do not. It's a blitz. A woman with a newly acquired handgun is woefully at a disadvantage when faced with unhinged fury. While she is busy saying, "Stop or I'll sh....," he's blown her brains out.

We are NOT, most of us, killers by nature. I don't think that's the lesson here or the solution.
 
I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

You'll shower with a gun?????? :roll:

You're over-simplifying the situation. A gun won't protect you 24/7/365 for the rest of your life.
It'll improve your odds in many situations, but it's far from being THE ANSWER.
 
She has to be willing to use it. Most people talk the talk, but when the chips are down, they freeze.

And with women, the younger they are the least likely they are to shoot.
 
You'll shower with a gun?????? :roll:

You're over-simplifying the situation. A gun won't protect you 24/7/365 for the rest of your life.
It'll improve your odds in many situations, but it's far from being THE ANSWER.

If I was kidnapped, beaten and probably repeatedly raped....you bet your ass. I'd have that gun by my side 24/7. And, like I said, I'd buy a big dog. He can watch over me while I'm in the shower, with a gun sitting within reach just outside of it.
 
She has to be willing to use it. Most people talk the talk, but when the chips are down, they freeze.

And with women, the younger they are the least likely they are to shoot.

How can someone not want to use one after being kidnapped, beaten and repeatedly raped? I don't get that.
 
If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.
He cut off his ankle monitor, abducted her at gunpoint, and committed suicide after killing her.

It seems highly unlikely that the outcome would be changed by her carrying a sidearm.


the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"
Really? So she is supposed to walk around with her gun drawn at all times? You really think that he would never have found an opportunity to kidnap her again?

I'm sorry, but that sounds more like a fantasy than an actionable plan.


I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never.
If you really want to know, then I recommend you read up on domestic violence.

The reality is that there are a lot of complex issues happening on both sides; and it is all too easy for someone who has never been in that position to declare "I'd never let that happen to me!" without understanding those issues.
 
I don't disagree about a firearm. I just think it isn't the REAL answer. We seem to think that, when personal targeted violence happens, we will have a warning. Time to react. Most often, we do not. It's a blitz. A woman with a newly acquired handgun is woefully at a disadvantage when faced with unhinged fury. While she is busy saying, "Stop or I'll sh....," he's blown her brains out.

We are NOT, most of us, killers by nature. I don't think that's the lesson here or the solution.

I completely disagree. If you're a victim of this kind of thing, with statistics indicating that it will happen again, you simply have to adapt. And, part of that adjustment is to become extremely proficient with using firearms. It should be the number one priority in your life...if you value your life, that is.
 
He cut off his ankle monitor, abducted her at gunpoint, and committed suicide after killing her.

It seems highly unlikely that the outcome would be changed by her carrying a sidearm.



Really? So she is supposed to walk around with her gun drawn at all times? You really think that he would never have found an opportunity to kidnap her again?

I'm sorry, but that sounds more like a fantasy than an actionable plan.



If you really want to know, then I recommend you read up on domestic violence.

The reality is that there are a lot of complex issues happening on both sides; and it is all too easy for someone who has never been in that position to declare "I'd never let that happen to me!" without understanding those issues.

I'm sure she saw him coming...and, if she was ready, he'd be the only one pushing up daisies.
 
How can someone not want to use one after being kidnapped, beaten and repeatedly raped? I don't get that.

The women who get caught up in abusive relationships seem to stay in them for one reason or another. They are blind to the early abuse. IMO, they are addicted to "making up" afterwards.

In many cultures abuse of women is normal so there is something inside they psyche of some women that allows them to stay there and take it.
 
Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

Easier said than done.
 
Easier said than done.

It must be. But, I'm wondering if there is a reason some (maybe even most) women do not see it as a primary option.
 
I don't disagree about a firearm. I just think it isn't the REAL answer. We seem to think that, when personal targeted violence happens, we will have a warning. Time to react. Most often, we do not. It's a blitz. A woman with a newly acquired handgun is woefully at a disadvantage when faced with unhinged fury. While she is busy saying, "Stop or I'll sh....," he's blown her brains out.

We are NOT, most of us, killers by nature. I don't think that's the lesson here or the solution.

you see it time after time....abused spouses that go back to their boyfriends and husbands

why? because they feel trapped in the relationship, or they dont have the nerve to get out

because they think that they can finally change them, and that they really didnt mean to hurt them

i dont know if a gun is the answer....but standing up for oneself is....and getting the women to do that is hard enough

we had one come into the shelter a few months back....and she swore she was never going back to her fiance

2 kids....one 4 and another just under 2.....and 6 weeks later, she went back to the asshole, and everything was fine for a few weeks, until one night he beat her with a baseball bat

dont know why she went back....never found out....she could have stayed at the shelter

havent seen her since....talked to the social worker a few times and she said the story is not unusual....she wishes it was

some women for one reason or another have no self esteem, and refuse to leave the abusers

i dont know why....i wish i did
 
Shoulda, woulda, coulda, hindsight 20/20, and monday morning quarterbacking all rolled up in one... with a dash of he-man stupidity.

Stupid is thinking the police will save you. Smart would be buying a gun and learning how to use it. I know that if I was in fear for my life because I had a crazy spouse, I'd arm myself immediately. It makes perfect sense.
 
If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

As an attorney, my wife volunteered for years assisting women in domestic abuse cases. She finally had to stop because of the frustration she had with women allowing these abusive men back into their lives. It never seemed to end nicely.

Clearly there is much more going on mentally/emotionally with these women that continues to need focus on.

Edit:

I should add, these men who beat and even murder their wives/girlfriends, need to be fed to the wood chipper.

IMO, such mentally defective "children" have crossed an invisible line of human behavior that makes them a threat to everyone.

Rarely would my wife report that the abuse was a singular event in their history.
 
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If I ever found myself in this lady's shoes, I'd immediately go get me a gun and take a few quick lessons.

He Kidnapped, Beat And Tortured His Wife. Free On Bond, He Killed Her. | Huffington Post

Then, the minute I saw that SOB come within 20 feet of me again, for as long as he lived, I'd pull it out and point it square at his head, telling him that if he took one more step, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!" If he came up with some BS about wanting to just talk. I'd tell him he can talk right there, twenty feet away, and if his hands so much as twitch, "I'll blow your ****ing head off!"

I never understood why women in this position do not strap up. Never. Someone holds me captive and I somehow get away, I'll never be unarmed for a single second of my life ever again.

Even with protection order volation you cannot shoot someone claiming that you properly warrned (threatened?) them first. You had best add a body camera to your gear to verify that justification for use of lethal force at 19 feet by a person taking one step toward you. ;)
 
I'm sure she saw him coming...and, if she was ready, he'd be the only one pushing up daisies.
Again.... Very easy to say. Very difficult for victims of domestic violence to do.

Merely repeating your position is not the path to understanding.
 
Even with protection order volation you cannot shoot someone claiming that you properly warrned (threatened?) them first. You had best add a body camera to your gear to verify that justification for use of lethal force at 19 feet by a person taking one step toward you. ;)

"...better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6." That definitely would apply here. The person kidnapped me, beat me and raped me over x number of days. Then he came back. No jury would find her guilty for shooting the SOB dead.
 
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