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Why are we so afraid to say "died" and instead say "passed"?

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dockside

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This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
 
you pretty much just have to know the social situation that you're in. using softer terms or not depends on the audience. some people like no BS, and others don't like it when you bluntly start talking about their dead relative in "let's cut the shit here; that dude is d-e-a-d dead, yo." sort of language.

George Carlin did a great stand up about euphemisms a while back. it's worth a watch.
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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I agree, it irks me, too...passed to what? Non-existence...that's it...
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes.
In general, Americans seem to be terrified of plain words. We've got a euphemism for everything - even simple bodily functions. I think we have an international reputation for using puritanical language. Much of the world laughs at us.
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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Some people have religious beliefs that you clearly don't share.
 
Good question. I remember I was talking to my niece who's in her 30's and I was talking about my HS reunion coming up some years ago. Somehow we got on the subject of people in HS that have "passed" and I related a story of a kid I knew since kindergarten who, as I put it, "dropped dead". She was shocked that I said it that way but it literally was how he died. Coronary embolism (or was it aneurism) I get those two things confused. Anyway it was like I slapped her in the face.
 
I have no problem saying dead, deceased, expired, tit's up, toe tagged, etc.
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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I think it's because the word "dead" is more vivid and harsh and for someone whose just lost a parent or spouse or child whom they have loved to their core for decades, the word can feel life a knife to the chest. "Passed" is slightly gentler. I'm all in favor of trying to spare people going through immense loss any additional pain. Using "passed" instead of "dead" is a pretty minor inconvenience.
 
I think dead implies certain permanency, whereas 'passed on' seems like they possibly moved on rather than died. Less hurtful for the grieving.
 
Western civilization has a deep-rooted problem with death acceptance that, in the United States anyway, I attribute to the funeral industry practice of embalming that took off during the Civil War.
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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He is now art....


Assuming Room Temperature....
 
dockside said:
This just irks me no end. When we take our last breath, we have died. We are dead. Fino. So why can't we acknowledge that? A doctor friend of mine told me that this also irked her. And, don't tell me about your belief that we have "passed on" to another state. The body is dead. It decomposes. Once dead, you cannot interact with society. You no longer exist, except in a few people's memories, if you're lucky. You are buried or cremated. Just call it as it is. Died. Not "passed."
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There is this social construct that people find important; its called respect. We say passed away or whatever for the respect of the survivors and to not be a ****ing heartless asshole.
 
'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
 
Passed is just a gentler way of saying that someone is no longer alive.

It's not like who you are talking to doesn't understand that dead is dead.
 
I recently found out that some christians do not like it being pointed out that a funeral is for the benefit of the bereaving, because the bereaved is dead and can get no pleasure from this.
 
Even though I know my cat is dead and correct English is to say "Patricia's body" is buried here, I cannot bring myself to say that. If her body is here, she is here, because she can't exist without a body, right? But I believe cats go to heaven and Patricia is there.

I never use the phrase "pass away" when someone dies. It makes no sense. Dead is dead, not passed away. I don't like saying "put to sleep" for euthanized pets either. Euthanasia is killing the animal after giving it anesthesia and the eyes stay open. The cat died.
 
soylentgreen said:
I recently found out that some Christians do not like it being pointed out that a funeral is for the benefit of the bereaving because the bereaved is dead and can get no pleasure from this.
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The church I used to attend does not even use the word funeral. They have memorial services instead.

My mom's friend did not want a funeral at all, Her husband hosted what is called a "celebration of life."

Once someone told me, "Be glad your dad died because he is in a better place now." I stopped talking to her.
 
Blue Donkey said:
The church I used to attend does not even use the word funeral. They have memorial services instead.

My mom's friend did not want a funeral at all, Her husband hosted what is called a "celebration of life."

I was angry when someone told me, "Be glad your dad died because he is in a better place now."
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I have always preferred atheist funerals as there is more talk about how the deceased lived their life rather than where he might have gone.
 
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