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When can/should a wife become involved in the husband's work-issues?

Aunt Spiker

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[as usual my posts come from family-issues. This is actually based on a phonecall from my sister today - this is what she is doing *right now* as I write. And so I'll break this into two parts so it doesn't get confusing]

Debate topic:
When a husband (or wife) has a job is it ever acceptable or necessary for their spouse to interfere, deal with or otherwise handle issues relating to that job/boss/business?

If it is acceptable at some point - when and why?
Is there a line? Where is the line?
If there is a problem that needs to be addressed who should address it? (Employee or their spouse)

Family related story:
My brother in law (call him Dan) works as a sales-associate. He was working for a radio station selling advertisement time. The job fell apart - less money to be made in advertising since the Recession went into full swing. He has a new job, now - he's been working it for a month (also in sales).

Now, according to my sister he paid for health/life insurance in advance (June's payment covers July's coverage - etc) and so on . . . so, he stopped working in May - after having paid for June's coverage.

My sister (I'll call her Cade) believes that he should get a refund for the cost of the June coverage (in her words "we need money"). They have written the previous employer about this a few times, apparently - with no reply.

Cade is now taking their children to Dan's former place of employment to confront the boss face to face. She said "we're entitled to get the money back and maybe having the kids with me will make it happen."

What are your thoughts on their exact situation and how Cade is handling it?

My thoughts: She's out of line - Dan travels, now, as a salesmen and has been near his former employer's place enough to drop in and discuss this if he wants. It is not Cade's place to interfere and intercede in work-relations with the spouses current, former or future employer.
Also - the employer has no responsibility to Cade what so ever - they don't even have to talk to her if they don't want to.
 

MaggieD

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After my initial *face palm* when I read the debate topic, I'd have to say that in this particular case SANS CHILDREN FOR GOD'S SAKE!! it would be appropriate. Many women handle the finances and "home management" issues. With her husband being out of a town a lot, or, maybe, being too nonconfrontational, I don't have a problem with a wife stepping in to resolve this kind of issue.

Bringing the kids along -- in fact, even showing up in person -- is beyond the pale, in my opinion. What on earth is wrong with a phone call?
 

Aunt Spiker

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LOL - she told me what she was up to and all I could think was "you're a ****ing idiot" (but I think that about her and ALL of her issues - every time I write about 'my sister' - it's always *this sister* - connect all those posts together and she's just a bitch in a habit.)

I *facepalm* for Dan and their kids.
 

Gipper

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She overstepped her boundaries. First of all, there's a good chance that there's no legal recourse. Even if there was, the time and effort put into it wouldn't be worth the money.

Also, NEVER GET INBETWEEN A MAN AND HIS MONEY ISSUES if he doesn't ask. This is the easiest way to catch some high-decibel education that will send you pouting to your room at night.
 

liblady

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LOL - she told me what she was up to and all I could think was "you're a ****ing idiot" (but I think that about her and ALL of her issues - every time I write about 'my sister' - it's always *this sister* - connect all those posts together and she's just a bitch in a habit.)

I *facepalm* for Dan and their kids.
better way: make up letterhead from a lawyer and then send a letter, return receipt.
 

Tucker Case

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My sister (I'll call her Cade) believes that he should get a refund for the cost of the June coverage (in her words "we need money"). They have written the previous employer about this a few times, apparently - with no reply.
She doesn't deserve a refund if they were covered in June. It doesn't matter if they used it or not.
 

Thorgasm

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I fear the kids are going to get a first hand lesson in "When keeping it real goes too far..."
 

Tucker Case

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my husband would be so pissed.......
I wouldn't get pissed at my wife for doing something like that. I'd just laugh at her and use it to teach my kids a lesson about doing stupid things based on raw emotions.
 

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I wouldn't get pissed at my wife for doing something like that. I'd just laugh at her and use it to teach my kids a lesson about doing stupid things based on raw emotions.

there ya go.
 

Burning Giraffe

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I wouldn't get pissed at my wife for doing something like that. I'd just laugh at her and use it to teach my kids a lesson about doing stupid things based on raw emotions.
I don't know. I might be pissed. Business relationships are important and you never know what bridges you'll need to use in the future. I'm always weary of burning bridges in business. When I lost my business after the housing crisis, I did everything I could to keep good relationships with the people I came to know in the mortgage insurance industry. Maybe the market rebounds and I can get back into the game. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I need a good policy down the road. Maybe I need references. Maybe I'll need employment. Being emotional or confrontational in these sorts of business cost issues is a delicate matter and should be handled professionally. Not doing so isn't just an act of stupidity, it could potentially result in lost opportunities in the future.
 

Tucker Case

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I don't know. I might be pissed. Business relationships are important and you never know what bridges you'll need to use in the future. I'm always weary of burning bridges in business. When I lost my business after the housing crisis, I did everything I could to keep good relationships with the people I came to know in the mortgage insurance industry. Maybe the market rebounds and I can get back into the game. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I need a good policy down the road. Maybe I need references. Maybe I'll need employment. Being emotional or confrontational in these sorts of business cost issues is a delicate matter and should be handled professionally. Not doing so isn't just an act of stupidity, it could potentially result in lost opportunities in the future.
You make a valid point.

I admit that I'm giving myself quite a bit of credit regarding my ability to "fix" whatever the hell she could possibly do to screw up with a business relationship, and that my efforts would in fact strengthen the relationship because they would see me as a "stand-up" guy who took care of a problem without any delay. A heartfelt apology for the wife's behavior would go a long way, IMO.

Because I have that confidence, I'd be more inclined to use the situation as a lesson for her and the kids about how rational behavior is beneficial and irrational behavior isn't.

But I'd definitely take steps to repair the damage she had done first and foremost.
 

Aunt Spiker

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Update.

She showed up at his old work, apparently unexpected, and the people she needed to see weren't there so she left a note. . . hasn't heard back.
 

Gipper

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Aunt Spiker said:
She showed up at his old work, apparently unexpected, and the people she needed to see weren't there so she left a note. . . hasn't heard back.
I'm shocked.
 

Aunt Spiker

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I'm shocked.
Yeah - utterly surprised, hunh? :rofl Didn't see that coming!

She was pissed, "I can't believe I wasted my time going out there for nothing!" :shrug: She drove out to meet with a radio-station manager *unexpected* and *unannounced* and expected him to *be* there and give her his undivided attention - and money?

Besides - if it's some type of insurance that they feel they've earned a refund from shouldn't she be trying to get it *from the insurance company?* and not from *the employer?*
 

TacticalEvilDan

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When a husband (or wife) has a job is it ever acceptable or necessary for their spouse to interfere, deal with or otherwise handle issues relating to that job/boss/business?
I can think of a couple:
  • When he asks her to
  • When he is incapacitated or otherwise physically unable to do so himself

Otherwise, it's his responsibility to deal with such matters. The same would still be true if the roles were reversed, my opinion has nothing to do with gender.

It is entirely inappropriate to get the kids involved.

Why didn't he just call the insurance company to cancel and get a refund?
 

Gipper

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It's as I said before, spikey. Let's say for the sake of argument that someday she does get the money. I highly doubt that, when the day comes, it'd be worth the investment of time and money involved in jumping through the hoops.

It's comparable to buying something for 19.99 (plus shipping and handling) from the TV. Sure, they may offer you a "money back guarantee" when it doesn't work, but they're designed to circumvent that claim. I imagine if you really pushed it and went through all the channels, you could get your 20 bucks back...but at what cost?

It's like my old law professor said, in situations like these - if you have to go to court in this situation, you're a loser...doesn't matter which side of the aisle you stand.
 

lizzie

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My thoughts: She's out of line - Dan travels, now, as a salesmen and has been near his former employer's place enough to drop in and discuss this if he wants. It is not Cade's place to interfere and intercede in work-relations with the spouses current, former or future employer.
Also - the employer has no responsibility to Cade what so ever - they don't even have to talk to her if they don't want to.
I agree.:)
 

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[as usual my posts come from family-issues. This is actually based on a phonecall from my sister today - this is what she is doing *right now* as I write. And so I'll break this into two parts so it doesn't get confusing]

Debate topic:
When a husband (or wife) has a job is it ever acceptable or necessary for their spouse to interfere, deal with or otherwise handle issues relating to that job/boss/business?

If it is acceptable at some point - when and why?
Is there a line? Where is the line?
If there is a problem that needs to be addressed who should address it? (Employee or their spouse)

Family related story:
My brother in law (call him Dan) works as a sales-associate. He was working for a radio station selling advertisement time. The job fell apart - less money to be made in advertising since the Recession went into full swing. He has a new job, now - he's been working it for a month (also in sales).

Now, according to my sister he paid for health/life insurance in advance (June's payment covers July's coverage - etc) and so on . . . so, he stopped working in May - after having paid for June's coverage.

My sister (I'll call her Cade) believes that he should get a refund for the cost of the June coverage (in her words "we need money"). They have written the previous employer about this a few times, apparently - with no reply.

Cade is now taking their children to Dan's former place of employment to confront the boss face to face. She said "we're entitled to get the money back and maybe having the kids with me will make it happen."

What are your thoughts on their exact situation and how Cade is handling it?

My thoughts: She's out of line - Dan travels, now, as a salesmen and has been near his former employer's place enough to drop in and discuss this if he wants. It is not Cade's place to interfere and intercede in work-relations with the spouses current, former or future employer.
Also - the employer has no responsibility to Cade what so ever - they don't even have to talk to her if they don't want to.
This is interesting to me for the following reason:
I am currently health-insured through my employer (by this I mean, the insurance payment is deducted automatically from my paycheck each month) but am about to start a new job, for a different employer who does not offer medical insurance.

My question is, when I leave my current place of employment, should I call Aetna (the medical insurance provider) and cancel my insurance, or will they cancel it automatically once they figure out I'm no longer working there, or what?
I've never dealt with this before; never had insurance before.
I've not found it very useful, frankly.
The co-payments and prescription costs are so high that I can never afford to go to the doctor anyway, especially after I get done paying the $160 per month that the insurance itself costs me. It's crap.
I'll be happy to go back to using free and sliding scale community clinics.

But, like I said, I don't know how it works and I don't want to end up somehow owing Aetna a bunch of money (not that I'd pay it anyway; I've already paid them thousands of dollars over the past couple of years, and gotten absolutely nothing in return. I think I went to the gyno once, and went to the doctor for strep throat once, and that's the extent of the use I've gotten out of that medical insurance. I could've just as easily gotten all that done for free at the community clinic).

So, do I call the insurance company and cancel it as soon as I quit my current job?
Or before that, like now?
Or do I just wait and let them figure it out and drop me?
 

Aunt Spiker

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In the past I've always called the company and canceled - or transferred (if the future employer permits a transfer). Simply because I feel that if I don't do it - it won't get done right :) If I do it then I know what was done, who did it, who I talked to and so forth.
 
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